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Chapter 54
“Sniff… this feels weird…”
Jiwoo tilted her head and kept muttering that something felt strange.
Noeul walked silently beside her.
Jiwoo asked,
“Don’t you think it’s weird too?”
“…It didn’t feel all that natural.”
“Right? I thought so too! I mean, why was Hansol acting so timid toward an old friend? If I were that friend, I would’ve asked, ‘What’s wrong? Are you just awkward because it’s been a while?’ But that friend didn’t seem to care at all whether Hansol was nervous or not. She just acted like she was really happy to see her.”
Noeul gave a small nod.
It was true — Hansol had seemed off. Forcing herself to do something she clearly didn’t want to do wasn’t like her. But earlier, anyone could tell Hansol had been uncomfortable — smiling when she didn’t want to, pretending to be glad when she clearly wasn’t.
And, just as Jiwoo said, that friend had accepted it all as if it were completely normal. Maybe she was used to seeing Hansol act that way — forcing herself, being cautious, shrinking back.
Still, Noeul felt that asking Hansol about it wasn’t what Hansol would want. If Hansol had barely managed to cover something up, Noeul didn’t want to dig into it just because she was curious. She also had a gut feeling that doing so wouldn’t help their relationship at all.
Meanwhile, Jiwoo kept chattering beside her.
“But even if that girl was one of the bullies back then, I still can’t see her daring to mess with Hansol. I mean, anyone can tell Hansol’s got way more charisma. Sure, she’s actually a total softie on the inside, but still… seriously, what’s that girl’s deal? Who even is she?”
Jiwoo suddenly huffed, visibly irritated.
Noeul gave her a look of disbelief.
“We don’t even know she was a bully yet. Why are you already mad?”
“I dunno. I just don’t like her. I get a bad vibe.”
“What if she turns out to be Hansol’s best friend?”
“Best friend? …Then I’ll just have to get along with her.”
Jiwoo said it with a clueless puppy-like expression.
Noeul couldn’t help but smile.
But Jiwoo quickly frowned again.
“No. She can’t be a best friend. You saw them too. Did that feel like best-friend energy to you?”
“…No, not really.”
“Exactly.”
Noeul glanced sideways at Jiwoo, who was pouting like a baby chick, turning her small head this way and that.
God, she’s painfully cute.
Was Jiwoo really worried about Hansol? Not just pretending to be — truly worried? Considering what Noeul knew of Jiwoo’s personality, she probably was. Yet Noeul couldn’t stop herself from wondering — was there something else hidden behind what she saw?
You only think about how you’ll get hurt, right? But if Jiwoo’s making it that obvious and you still pretend not to notice, don’t you think she’ll get hurt? You’re so busy protecting yourself from pain that you don’t even realize you might be hurting her.
…Maybe that was it. If Noeul thought of Jiwoo as a liar — if she convinced herself that Jiwoo’s words and actions toward her were all fake — then there’d be no need to expect anything. And if she didn’t expect anything, she couldn’t get hurt.
Noeul’s fear of being hurt whispered constantly that Jiwoo’s kindness wasn’t real.
She’d realized that maybe she was overthinking things.
But she didn’t see that as a problem.
If anything, she thought it was good — the lower her expectations of Jiwoo, the smaller her chances of being hurt. It made her feel safe.
It wasn’t like she called Jiwoo a liar out loud, or treated her badly. All of it stayed inside Noeul’s head — so she figured there was no harm done.
Even if she acted a little defensive, what damage could it really cause? Noeul didn’t think her not answering messages, canceling plans, or seeming uninterested would matter to Jiwoo in the slightest. It would be like the ugliest dwarf not caring about Snow White — she’d never even notice. Maybe she’d even prefer it that way.
But that too, she knew, was just another form of self-justification.
Of course, that didn’t mean Noeul suddenly thought, Oh no, my every word and action might deeply affect Jiwoo.
Her thoughts hadn’t changed that much. She still didn’t quite believe anything she did could hurt or sadden Jiwoo. “Can’t believe it” was probably the better way to put it.
The only thing that changed was this: now, she could imagine that it might be possible — maybe just a 5% chance, but possible nonetheless.
If Jiwoo really was hurt because of her…
…Would that be okay?
What right did Noeul have to hurt Jiwoo?
If Jiwoo got hurt, it would mean she cared about Noeul at least a little. So could Noeul really justify hurting someone who liked her?
Another thought crept in: maybe Jiwoo was like a pumpkin that had rolled right into her lap — a miracle. And Noeul was the fool kicking it away.
If Jiwoo truly liked her, that would be nothing short of a miracle — something that had never happened before and never would again.
What if that miracle was happening right now, and Noeul was too scared to see it?
“Oh, right. Here.”
Jiwoo dug through her bag and pulled out a small cardboard box.
Noeul took it automatically. The box read “Nanum Bakery.”
Jiwoo said,
“You gave me those scones last time, remember? I felt bad just taking them, so… there’s this bakery near my house I really like. Their strawberry tart is amazing, so I thought you might like it too.”
“Oh…”
Jiwoo’s house was about a twenty-minute bus ride from school. So she’d bought the tart near home just to give it to Noeul — carrying it carefully on public transport, making sure it didn’t get crushed. Scones could survive being tossed in a bag, but strawberry tarts couldn’t. She must’ve gone through all that trouble… for Noeul?
That thought popped into her head — and right away, her brain scrambled to argue back:
“Some people don’t find that troublesome.”
“Yeah, some folks just carry random stuff everywhere anyway.”
“Jiwoo loves food — maybe she was just really thankful for the scones.”
“Maybe the scones were so good she thought the tart was a fair trade.”
If this had been before she talked to Hansol, she would’ve just picked whichever explanation sounded most reasonable and said, “Yep, that’s probably it.”
But after that talk, Noeul had realized how her mind worked — and couldn’t draw easy conclusions anymore.
Because now, there was one possibility she could no longer deny outright.
She tried thinking about it using Hansol’s method:
Okay, so let’s say Hyojoo gives Minsu a tart… saying thanks for the scones he gave her… That’d look kinda flirty, right? But… Minsu’s really ugly and Hyojoo’s really pretty, so…
…Yeah, that didn’t help. Maybe she needed to take out the “ugly” and “pretty” parts and just focus on the action itself. But how could she? That was the most important part!
Noeul sighed quietly, so Jiwoo wouldn’t hear.
But even if… even if Jiwoo really was interested in her — what could Noeul do about it?
Even now, all she could manage was to react cautiously, to guard herself. What else could she do?
Maybe she just needed to find the perfect middle ground — something that wouldn’t make Jiwoo think she was interested, but also wouldn’t hurt her enough to make her walk away.
Noeul felt like a coward. Always choosing the safest route just to avoid losing anything.
But at the same time… wasn’t that smart? People always choose what benefits them most.
Soon, they reached the intersection — Noeul’s path led to her studio apartment, Jiwoo’s to the bus stop.
Jiwoo said,
“That tart’s really good, so don’t leave any. Okay? You have to send me a photo when you eat it and tell me what you think.”
She turned toward the bus stop, about to say see you tomorrow.
But Noeul spoke up.
“Hey, you… dinner?”
“…Dinner? I’ll just eat when I get home.”
“…Wanna eat out?”
Jiwoo’s eyes seemed to widen a little. Or maybe Noeul imagined it.
“Sure!”
“Let’s go.”
“Um…”
“…?”
“Wanna grab a drink too?”
Jiwoo asked it with a hopeful expression.
Noeul said,
“…Yeah, let’s.”
***
“Auntie, one seafood pancake and a bottle of makgeolli, please.”
“Sure thing. Might take a bit.”
“No problem, take your time.”
While Noeul was ordering, Jiwoo glanced around the restaurant.
Two plump flies buzzed lazily around the corners of the old shop.
A wall calendar, yellowed with age, hung torn in half.
Jiwoo blinked her big eyes — she clearly hadn’t expected to end up in a place like this.
“There was a place like this near school?”
“It’s good here.”
“I’ve never really come to the market area, so I didn’t know.”
Jiwoo wobbled the uneven chair, trying to make it sit level.
At the next table — close enough to feel like they were sharing it — three elderly men sat, clearly drunk.
They were always here whenever Noeul came.
Noeul and Jiwoo sat awkwardly in silence until Jiwoo spoke first.
“Those scones you gave me were so good. I went back to that bakery and tried almost every flavor.”
“Yeah? That good, huh?”
“Mhm. I didn’t think you’d remember that I like bread.”
After saying that, Jiwoo avoided her gaze, fidgeting shyly with her spoon.
“Chives!!”
Jiwoo jumped and looked to the side.
One of the old men, face red from drink, held up a plate and shouted again.
“More chives over here! Chives!”
From the kitchen came the auntie’s voice:
“Serve yourself!”
The old man grumbled and shuffled off to the side dish table.
Another white-haired man scolded him.
“Hey, keep it down, will ya? There are young people next to us. What if they don’t come back because of you?”
“I wasn’t even that loud! Just asked for chives… tch.”
Then the white-haired one turned to them and said,
“My, what a good-looking pair you are. Your parents must be proud.”
Noeul leaned toward Jiwoo and whispered,
“Now you see why I like coming here? Their eyesight’s terrible. As long as you’re young, they call you handsome or pretty.”
Jiwoo pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh.
The man in the marine corps cap, who had been dozing, suddenly opened his eyes wide.
“Hey, let’s get some squid.”
“You were just sleeping, and now you want squid?”
“It’s the season for it!”
“Season, my ass. It’s already September — wait till next year.”
“What if we’re all dead by then?”
Noeul and Jiwoo bit their lips, holding in laughter.
Noeul whispered,
“That guy’s the only one with a sense of humor.”
“Give it fifty years, and we’ll be just like them.”
“Gotta remember that line till then.”
They both giggled quietly.
Noeul thought suddenly that maybe this — just this — was enough for her.
Did she really need to know whether Hansol was right or what Jiwoo truly felt?
Maybe, right now, this was the happiest and most comfortable state she could hope for.
