IRER 20

Chapter 20
The Reason I Didn’t Poison You

“I’m sorry, Your Grace. I can’t go with you.”

Aidan’s heart, which had been burning with anticipation, instantly turned ice cold at her words.

It felt like all the blood was draining from his body.

Why?

He wanted to ask Brody, but the words refused to leave his lips.

As Aidan stood frozen, Brody moved.

She slipped out of his arms and stood up.

“You should have told me tomorrow instead.”

Then, turning her back, she muttered, “That way, I could have kicked you out in the morning.”

“Brody!”

Aidan stood and quickly approached her back. He embraced her tightly and said,

“Please.”

“I’m sorry, Your Grace.”

Brody pushed away his arms. Unlike before, she was cold and resolute.

Because I was lonely.

It seemed she had tried to use him—just for today.

Even though I had no intention of going with him.

A wave of self-loathing swept over her.

Still facing away, Brody spoke.

“Please go back, Your Grace.”

If she looked at him, she wouldn’t be able to push him away.

No matter how much she thought about it, his side was not where she belonged.

The Grand Duchess? Or perhaps the Queen now that the North is independent?

Becoming his wife was no small matter.

From what she had observed through the memories of the original Brody, the life of Jax’s mother—the former Grand Duchess—had not been easy.

Higher status might mean better food, fine clothes, and no chores, but it also came with endless responsibilities.

It took a full week for the Duchess just to make her rounds inspecting the household.

Proper participation in social life was another critical duty.

Countless small parties, grand banquets…

Even though they were executed by the hands of maids and servants, the overall planning and command fell to the lady of the house.

These gatherings were not always pleasant.

It was war on thin ice, with words as the weapons. A battlefield disguised in refinement.

Unless one enjoyed such a game, it was exhausting.

Brody, who worked herself to the bone like an ox, had no taste for verbal sparring and manipulation.

Some frail noblewomen managed to withdraw from society with their husbands’ understanding.

But that came with penalties for the family, for abandoning their duties.

Especially at the side of the Northern Grand Duke, who was building a new nation.

It was undoubtedly a more important position than ever before.

Brody was not the type to neglect responsibility. If there was a need, she wouldn’t be able to just sit back.

And with her personality, she’d never do it half-heartedly.

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that I do endure all that… But…

Brody wasn’t confident she could survive walking that icy battlefield with her life on the line.

Not to mention—her identity was far from ordinary. She was a former spy who had tried to kill the Grand Duke, and someone with ties to the prestigious imperial family, the McCarthy Dukedom.

Even if that could be hidden, the fact that she had been a prisoner—an imperial—was already common knowledge.

For such a person to become the Grand Duchess? It would paint a target on both the North and the Empire’s backs. It would be dangerous for Aidan, too.

Watching him fall into that abyss earlier had only solidified her belief.

She couldn’t live a life constantly wondering whether he was alive or dead—while staking her own life, too.

She couldn’t go through that again.

So I can’t let myself be tempted by this sweetness and leap into the flames.

“Is it… because I’m lacking?”

Aidan asked with a trembling voice.

“The North has improved. Things will only get better…”

He trailed off.

No matter how much the North improved, it would never match the rich capital or the luxury of Duke Jax’s mansion where Brody had lived.

“No, that’s just an excuse. I’ll treat you well. So well you’ll never feel anything’s lacking.”

Brody smiled bitterly.

That wasn’t what she wanted.

But despite her true feelings, she forced herself to speak coldly.

She had to be harsh here.

“How do you know what I want?”

She turned to face him.

Aidan was silent, just staring at her.

She looked unfamiliar to him—her cold, sarcastic face.

“If the people of the North knew their Duke was doing this, they’d be greatly disappointed. If you’d just listened to your Chief of Staff, you wouldn’t be making such a ridiculous decision. Abandoning your duty to chase after a woman.”

Each word pierced Aidan’s heart. Because most of it was true.

“Your Grace, how well do you know me? All you know is the prisoner, the spy. I was merely someone shaped to fit your ideal. The woman you want is a fantasy.”

With his head lowered, Aidan asked,

“So it was all a lie?”

“Yes, Your Grace. You’re exactly right.”

“Lies.”

Suddenly, Aidan’s demeanor shifted.

He slowly lifted his gaze. His sharp eyes fixed on Brody, who tried not to flinch.

“If you really wanted to convince me it was all a lie, you should’ve just said you hate me.”

Brody’s grip on his left arm tightened.

Aidan stared at her intensely, trying not to miss even the smallest of gestures.

“You tried to save the prisoners. Even while escaping, you made sure I got headache medicine regularly. You didn’t want to harm the North’s war effort. Then you vanished once it was over. Is that the behavior of a prisoner? A spy?”

Brody said nothing. It was all true.

Seeing her avert her gaze, Aidan continued.

“You saved my life twice. You didn’t poison me. And today, you saved me again when I would’ve died. Do you think I’d fall for your story? Do you think I’m a fool?”

He stepped closer. Brody instinctively stepped back.

“Why, Brody? Why didn’t you kill me?”

With him closing in, there was nowhere left for her to retreat.

“Ah—”

As she nearly stumbled, Aidan caught her and moved her to a safer spot.

“Brody…”

He leaned in close, whispering desperately.

“Tell me the truth.”

Brody bowed her head, biting her lip.

“Can you handle the truth?”

“…Yes.”

“Fine. I’ll tell you why I didn’t kill you.”

She slowly raised her head.

The best lies, after all, were said to contain 90% truth and 10% falsehood.

Brody braced herself.

“Because… I liked your face. And your body.”

She felt his arms stiffen around her.

It was such an unexpected answer that Aidan inhaled sharply, blinking in confusion.

“…What?”

It was all he could manage.

Brody went all in. She lifted her hand and placed it on his bare chest—he was only wrapped in a blanket from the waist down.

Her palm met his firm pecs.

Rising up, she whispered into his ear.

“You were really good. Your Grace.”

Fwoosh. Aidan’s ears and neck turned bright red, almost audibly.

“Disappointed? That it was for a reason like that?”

Brody chuckled.

Even she was surprised at how well she was acting.

Aidan’s arm around her trembled.

Clearly, he was in shock.

“That’s all—”

“Is it really?”

He interrupted, not looking her in the eye.

“…Sorry?”

Not sure what he meant, Brody asked again.

“I mean… was I… good?”

“…”

Brody blinked rapidly.

Now she was the one shocked.

He was sweating, but asked anyway.

“I wasn’t… too bad? Or rough? I was so worried you didn’t… because I was bad at it… Thank goodness, then…”

That wasn’t what she meant at all!

Brody felt like crying.

But somehow, he looked so lovable in that moment.

Even if she was just acting, the emotions had gotten too real.

“H-Honestly, that’s not something I’d give up my freedom over!”

Oh no. She messed up her villain act! She stuttered at the worst moment!

He didn’t let go.

“Tell me, Brody. Do you hate me?”

“No! I said I liked you! Your… body!”

“Then that means you like me.”

He pulled her in close. Their bodies pressed together.

“Say it. Say you hate me, and I won’t push you anymore. I won’t ask again.”

“You’re okay with me just liking your face and body?”

“Whatever it takes. If I can keep you. That didn’t sound like a ‘no.’”

“I d-do!”

“Say it to my face.”

He brought his nose close to hers, locking eyes.

Is he insane?

His sharp nose was almost touching hers, radiating warmth. His slightly parted lips looked soft—unlike his razor-sharp features.

His tousled black hair framed his face in an impossibly sexy way.

Strong eyebrows, intense yet kind eyes… How could glacial sapphire eyes hold so much longing?

“…”

It was strange. Looking into his eyes, she couldn’t say she hated him.

How was this possible?

Forget acting—she was losing herself. She averted her gaze.

Aidan had completely turned the tide.

“I told you—I’ll do whatever it takes.”

He smiled and kissed the space between her nose and upper lip.

“Your Grace! You sound like a playboy!”

“If being devoted to one woman makes me that, then so be it.”

Why was he so smooth all of a sudden?

Frustrated, Brody shoved his shoulders—but he didn’t budge.

“If you want me to stop, say just one word.”

He whispered in her ear—just as she had done.

“Say you don’t want this.”

“Ugh—”

Chills ran down her spine. Her face was flushed.

What am I supposed to do now?

She looked like she was about to cry, but didn’t push him away.

She couldn’t.

How could she reject this warmth? The feel of his heartbeat against her skin made her own heart race uncontrollably.

Her mind was a mess, aching for what was to come.

How is he even more dangerous when he’s sober than when he was drugged on “Meshu”?

As his large hand trailed up her thigh, Brody closed her eyes.

❖ ❖ ❖

“Mmm…”

Brody stirred awake.

Stars still glittered in the sky.

She had tried to stay awake and sneak off, but every time she opened her eyes, Aidan was still holding her hand.

Waiting for him to let go, she kept falling asleep again. The fatigue was overwhelming.

At one point, annoyed, she bit his nose.

He mumbled, “Mmm…” but didn’t wake. He only held her hand tighter.

She stared at him in disbelief, then laughed.

God, even this is adorable.

Thinking he still wouldn’t wake, she bit his lips next.

This time, he slowly opened his eyes.

“Still awake?”

Flustered, Brody said, “Sleep!” and turned away.

But because he was holding her right hand with his left, she ended up being pulled into a back hug.

Then he wrapped his arm tighter around her.

Now there was no way out.

Something’s wrong. What do I do…?

She felt his warm breath on the nape of her neck.

“Your Grace…!”

“Mmm…”

At this rate, forget escaping—she’d be out of commission all day tomorrow!

Even so, Brody squeezed his hand in hers tightly.

Smiling, Aidan gently brought her hand to his lips and kissed it over her shoulder.