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Chapter : 26
I Don’t Want to Be Alone.
Their lips locked deeply. Their breaths scattered like drifting smoke. The hand covering one cheek tilted her head back.
“Uh….”
A bitter, familiar scent filled her nose—one that brought a weary sense of comfort. It eased her tension.
Hot breaths moistened her mouth. From one side, breath was blown in; from the other, it was hungrily drawn in.
I’m thirsty. Give me more. It’s not enough.
They swallowed each other. Like biting into fruit, she took a mouthful of his trace.
She chewed on that flesh. Like a child sucking on a sweet candy, she chased after his lingering taste.
Still thirsty.
I want something deeper. Just a little more.
A sharp pain spread inside her mouth.
He lightly bit her lip. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he growled like a beast.
Like a snake—terribly relentless.
He wound around her tightly so she couldn’t escape, yet soothed his fiancée so she wouldn’t be afraid in his arms.
His hot breath brushed her chin. It’s hot. Terribly hot.
That warmth pulled the listless Charlov up to the surface.
“Haah….”
Charlov clung to him desperately, not even noticing his shirt being wrinkled.
Benjamin tilted his chin back and removed her hand. When he laced his fingers with hers, her grip loosened.
“It’s okay.”
Charlov slowly relaxed her body.
“It’ll be okay.”
She drew in a sharp breath. Her fingertips curled. Was it because of how close they were?
When she looked into his eyes, her heart ached as if being gently stroked by a hand.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
Apart from the resentment she held toward her father, Charlov wished to be with someone.
She wished for this life to be peaceful.
Even if outwardly she said her life didn’t need to be peaceful, inside she prayed that this small refuge would last just a little longer.
What could she do?
After dying a meaningless death in her previous life, was it wrong to wish for a brief rest in this one?
“I was hurting too.”
I endured it as best I could.
“But enduring isn’t the end of it.”
Her hazy consciousness gradually sank.
Benjamin slowly pulled away.
Her soft, steady breathing was peaceful. The tension in her face eased faintly.
‘What are you?’
What kind of dream could make you wear such an expression?
Sometimes you seem like you’d push anyone to the edge of a cliff, yet it feels as though you’re the one standing at that edge.
Has the resentment beneath that face grown lighter, or deeper?
Your expression is calm, but as I look at you, you seem as if you’re…
“Like a child who will soon die.”
Benjamin covered Charlov’s eyes.
The stinging sunlight poured down. Is it hot today? It was cold just yesterday, yet the room felt stuffy.
Charlov curled up to avoid the sun. How long had it been since she slept this deeply?
She stayed like that, basking a little longer.
‘An arm?’
She saw an arm draped over her waist. The thick arm didn’t move, just held her there. It wasn’t heavy. The back of the hand, with blue veins standing out, was familiar—scarred from gripping a sword.
Benjamin lay asleep beside her.
‘Did I imagine it?’
She tried to sigh but swallowed her breath, afraid he might wake. When she reached out and touched his forehead, he frowned.
“When did I change clothes….”
She was wearing thin sleepwear. Just then, Benjamin woke up. Still groggy, he blinked slowly and stretched his arm.
“The head maid changed you. You looked uncomfortable sleeping as you were.”
“Ah….”
“Was that rude?”
“No. It’s just… it’s been so long since I slept this well.”
Charlov looked down at her sleepwear and slowly pulled the blanket up.
“…Ah, I didn’t tell my family I’d be late.”
“I told them. I sent a carrier pigeon, so they’ll understand.”
“I slept too deeply.”
“The head maid said you curled up like a squirrel as soon as you changed. You really did look like one.”
Charlov laughed awkwardly and scratched her head. Maybe because it was early morning—her foggy mind took time to clear. Last night’s deep black eyes came to mind.
“Charl.”
She pulled the blanket higher.
“It looks like I did something terrible to you.”
“It’s just too early in the morning….”
Seeing her redden, Benjamin reached out.
“Hot?”
“A little.”
“Was the fireplace too strong?”
“The sunlight’s glaring.”
Even talking about this made her face burn. Charlov brushed her nape and hid her face behind her dark red hair. He swept it aside, met her eyes, and rested his forehead against hers.
“Even after we marry, there will be no woman but you. Not for political reasons either, and I won’t let you feel loss again. Instead, we’ll fulfill our duties as husband and wife, grow closer, and do all the things we couldn’t do last night.”
“……”
“If you’re scared, just close your eyes and stay by me. I’ll take care of the rest.”
Charlov’s eyes widened. He kissed her forehead and got out of bed first.
“Maybe because the sleepwear is thin—it’s all see-through. The head maid will help you, so wash up and come out. You skipped dinner, so let’s eat first.”
As Benjamin left, the head maid entered with the maids. Their determined faces made Charlov wonder—weren’t these people afraid of the emperor? They bathed her and poured in fragrant oils.
“Your hair is so beautiful. You slept so soundly last night that His Majesty stayed by your side for a long time, just watching. It was such a lovely sight. It feels like a great blessing is coming to the imperial family.”
Charlov touched her hair. Soaked with water, it looked darker. She dried it with a towel and pinned it up.
She put on a pale pink lace dress and matching shoes. Where did these even come from…?
“You look wonderful. It was the first time I’d seen His Majesty so relaxed—there was a reason. Even as a child, he never showed his true feelings….”
The head maid had been Benjamin’s nurse in his youth.
Even if the palace had been devoured by wolves, not everyone had fallen. Many waited in silence for the chaos to end, and some still kept their faith and honor—the palace physicians and priests among them.
‘All physicians of the imperial palace swear to the god of medicine. We pledge our faith and conviction to practice medicine, and never misuse it, even if our lives are threatened. Please do not doubt our beliefs.’
‘We are priests. We cannot do anything that would shame the god of healing.’
All who learned medicine wrote vows at the temple.
“Your preparations are complete. We’ll escort you to the dining area.”
The maids led Charlov to the rear garden of the emperor’s palace. She walked slowly, looking around.
The wide flowerbeds were like a plaza, filled with grass, with a single large gazebo tree standing tall.
“Members of the Windsor family have arrived. His Majesty reached here first and is speaking with the head of the family.”
“My family came?”
Charlov hurried. From afar, she saw Leandro seated at the table. As she stood there blankly, he turned and beckoned.
“Come here.”
“Why…?”
“Look at your uncle’s face.”
Aster saw Charlov and muttered in relief.
“I told you not to be late, yet you spent the night out without thinking of the family waiting at home.”
“Your uncle’s been overprotective lately.”
“Father, this isn’t overdoing it. Just look at her. It seems they made Charlov hibernate like a bear in the palace.”
“Hibernate?”
“Look at those round, moon-like cheeks!”
When Charlov took her seat, the meal began.
“It seems we worried for nothing.”
“Didn’t you receive the carrier pigeon?”
Aster answered for them.
“Oh, we did. Just think of it as our family being a bit peculiar.”
As if he’d expected this, Benjamin had prepared the garden from the start. Perhaps he’d known since he sent the message last night.
As the meal began, the tableware clinked softly. The imperial cuisine avoided strong spices, so the dishes were mild.
“It seems it’s time for us to let the child go. We can’t keep her only within our arms anymore.”
Charlov roughly understood what he meant.
“Now it’s time to embrace the palace with loyalty. To show that the chaos has ended.”
Leandro was building the steps one by one—the steps Charlov would have to climb.
“To stabilize the palace, we should hasten the marriage. We’ve already seen where Charlov’s heart lies. Keeping her by our side for our own sake, when we’ve seen where she shines brighter….”
It was bittersweet and regretful—those mixed feelings arose every time he looked at her.
“At first we brought her to the palace to steel her heart, but she seems like a child who belonged here from the start.”
“I…”
“She’s grown far too much to still be called a child. I should change how I address her too, yet I don’t know why I can’t.”
Charlov smiled, then swallowed her voice.
“It seems I worried too much.”
Everyone else left their seats.
“Life is made of momentary coincidences strung together, and when they gather, they become a life.”
Leandro clasped his hands behind his back and gazed down at the palace. From the hill-like garden, the view felt wide open.
“Do you remember what I told you yesterday?”
“I do, Grandfather.”
If you want to run away, then run. If you do, we’ll hide you.
If you choose to go forward, don’t look back. We’ll push you from behind.
“Which did you choose—running away, or moving forward?”
“I chose to walk forward.”
Charlov turned her head.
“If it becomes too hard, tell me at least once.”
“And then?”
“I’ll be behind you. Isn’t that better than walking alone?”
Below, Benjamin approached with his attendants.
“The Windsor carriage is waiting below. Are you finished talking?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you for giving us time for a grandparent and grandchild to talk.”
Charlov watched them leave. In the past, she might have felt lonely.
“Charlov gets cold easily. Please pay special attention to the fireplace at night.”
Leandro turned his back after saying that, then added as if he’d just remembered:
“Don’t go too far alone. Your uncle gets lonely. He’s not usually like that, but….”
