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chapter 38
“From what people have been saying, it seems this is the most popular play these days. After watching it, I understand why it’s so popular.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it. I thought you might not be interested since it’s just a typical love story.”
“I think it’s because there are funny moments here and there. I got absorbed without even realizing it.”
Herwin hummed happily, feeling like he had found a new hobby.
By the time the play ended, it was already night. Darkness enveloped the outside world. Lucia stared blankly at Herwin’s head, which gleamed like black pearls in the moonlight.
“Shall we go have dinner now…?”
“Herwin.”
Hearing Lucia’s soft voice, Herwin stopped in his tracks. Noticing she had fallen behind, he approached her.
“What are you doing just standing there? Why aren’t you following?”
Instead of answering, Lucia lifted her head and looked at Herwin. With the moon behind him, his face wasn’t entirely visible—but she thought that might be for the best.
Quietly, she took a small gift box she had carried all day out of her handbag.
“This.”
“…What’s this?”
“I like you, Herwin.”
Herwin’s hand, reaching to receive the gift, froze.
It had only been about a week since she confessed, and he thought the next confession wouldn’t come for at least two months…
Herwin quietly lifted his head and looked at Lucia.
His pale eyes, partly hidden in the darkness, softened. Yet somehow, it felt different from his usual confessions.
“Would you… go out with me?”
Just a minute ago, Herwin had been playful and teasing, but now realizing Lucia was serious, his expression hardened.
“…I’m sorry.”
“…May I ask why?”
Herwin frowned, looking troubled, and struggled to speak.
“I already told you… I like Arista.”
“……….”
He had said this when he rejected her a few days ago. Lucia already knew that.
Yet she forced a smile and asked again.
“If you didn’t like Arista, would you have accepted me?”
“That’s…”
He looked confused, as if he had never thought about it.
‘I’m sorry, Cerian. I never saw you as anything more than a friend…’
Why did the lines from the play she had just watched come to mind now?
Herwin remained silent. But she seemed to know the answer anyway, and that made her feel even sadder.
It meant she would never be seen by him as a potential romantic partner.
Eventually, Lucia lowered her gaze and tears began to fall.
She cried silently, without a sound, and in that quiet, she seemed more sorrowful than ever.
Because it was so dark and Lucia kept her head down, Herwin didn’t notice she was crying.
The atmosphere simply felt unusually heavy compared to when he had rejected her before.
“Hah… was this why you asked me to spend the day with you?”
Herwin tried to lighten the mood with a teasing tone, but no reply came. Normally, at this point, Lucia would smile to ease the tension.
Just then, she forcibly handed the gift box she had been holding to him.
“I don’t think I can have dinner with you.”
Hearing her hushed, heavy voice, Herwin finally realized she was crying.
“I’ll go ahead.”
“Wait, Lucia…!”
Thud!
When Herwin tried to grab her, Lucia firmly pushed him away.
It was the first time someone had rejected him like this, and Herwin was somewhat shocked.
“Sorry.”
He tried to smile, but Lucia turned to him with a twisted expression. Her pale eyes glimmered with tears, finally catching his attention.
Watching her walk away, Herwin had a sudden intuition that he couldn’t let her go.
He grabbed her again.
“It’s late. I’ll take you home.”
“…It’s fine.”
“Don’t say that. Listen to me. How could you go alone on a dark night like this—”
“Herwin!”
Lucia shouted, cutting him off. Her voice trembled as she spoke:
“Don’t make me miserable any longer.”
Seeing the deep despair in her eyes, Herwin could no longer hold on to her. As his grip loosened, Lucia moved away.
“I’m sorry for causing this before going to the North… Let’s meet again with smiles someday.”
With a faint smile, she slipped away.
Herwin couldn’t move until she disappeared into the darkness. She was smiling, but beyond her eyes, he could see her crying.
“Ah, you’re here, young master.”
Soon, a carriage bearing the emblem of the Feneus family stopped beside Herwin.
The driver had come to find him because he hadn’t arrived at the meeting place on time.
“Has Miss Agnes already left?”
Hearing Lucia’s name, Herwin frowned and ruffled his hair. Noticing his mood, the driver quickly fell silent.
Herwin silently boarded the carriage.
“I’ll take you back to the mansion.”
He glanced around the cold, empty interior of the carriage.
Watching the play had been enjoyable, but now, like the streets shrouded in darkness, everything felt colorless and dull.
With a jolt, the luggage in the carriage shifted. Spotting a disheveled shopping bag, Herwin let out a sigh.
“…I couldn’t give it to her after all.”
The aquamarine earrings he had bought for her. He wanted to give them as a gift in return for hers, but now there was no way.
“Maybe I can give them later.”
He didn’t know. All he wanted was to get along with her. But no matter what he did, she still saw him only as a friend, leaving his mind in turmoil.
Herwin suddenly recalled the gift Lucia had given him and opened the crumpled box in his hand.
Inside was a handkerchief embroidered with the Feneus family emblem and his initials.
He remembered Lucia crying and pulling away from him, and his chest tightened. It felt hard to breathe.
Undoing the neatly fastened buttons, Herwin exhaled in frustration.
“Let’s meet again with smiles someday.”
He recalled the last words Lucia had said.
“…We really can meet with smiles, right, Lucia?”
No answer came; the question hung silently in the carriage.
Not wanting to think anymore, Herwin tightly closed his eyes.
Though his left hand clenched in tension, the handkerchief from Lucia rested neatly in his right hand, without a single crease.
Lucia, having parted from Herwin, wandered the dark streets, tears flowing endlessly.
It felt as though a huge hole had been ripped in her heart.
No matter how she tried to steady herself, emotions she couldn’t fill welled up from the deep wound.
Overwhelming loss and emptiness struck her like a storm, making it hard to maintain her composure.
Exhausted, she stopped and sank to the ground.
She pressed her hands over the hollow in her chest, but it changed nothing.
Frustration. Despite the clear emptiness, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t fill it.
“…Ah, ugh…”
A heavy, blocked feeling in her stomach. A voice that wanted to cry but couldn’t. Nothing seemed to go her way.
“…Damn it!”
“Ugh, hmm…”
“Miss!”
A familiar voice approached through the distance.
As her tears blurred her vision, a pair of shoes appeared before her.
“Miss, why are you like this here?”
“…Sein.”
Sein saw Lucia’s tear-streaked face and bit his lower lip, helping her to her feet.
“…Did something go wrong?”
Lucia couldn’t answer and simply continued to cry.
Her silent sobs and the way she clutched her chest broke Sein’s heart too.
“I won’t ask, miss. Don’t cry. Just get in the carriage first.”
With Sein’s support, Lucia took slow, heavy steps forward.
Sein had come here in case she failed to confess and had to return home alone. If she had succeeded, he wouldn’t have come.
He had prepared the carriage twenty minutes earlier than the time she mentioned, hoping she wouldn’t show up.
Though the set time had passed slightly, she had appeared nonetheless.
In the carriage and on the way to the mansion, Sein silently stayed by her side, lending her his shoulder to cry on.
Lucia leaned weakly against him, continuing to shed tears as if she might collapse from exhaustion.
Seeing the bright, cheerful Lucia transformed into a hollow, puppet-like figure, everyone at the mansion fell silent.
Johann and Julian, arriving in a rush after hearing the news, checked on her.
“Lucia, did something happen?”
“Please, at least say something.”
Seeing their beloved daughter so desolate tore at their hearts.
Lucia spoke with a vacant gaze.
“It’s over now.”
“…Huh?”
“Herwin rejected me. So… it’s all over now.”
Why did saying it was over feel like the end of her life as well?
Fear rose that something terrible might happen to Lucia.
Johann’s pale eyes wavered as he reached out to her.
“Mother, I’ll go on the arranged meeting as you wish.”
But he stopped before even touching her shoulder.
“I’ll follow without complaint. Today, please leave me alone.”
Lucia brushed past Johann and Julian, staggering up the stairs.
Precarious as it was, no one but Sein could follow her.
Julian broke down in tears, clinging to Johann.
“Honey, is this really okay? Is this truly for Lucia’s own good?”
“…Damn it.”
Johann couldn’t give a satisfying answer and cursed. It was the first time anyone had heard such harsh words from him, leaving everyone stunned.
He held the crying Julian close, biting his lip, before closing his eyes tightly as if to bear the pain of the situation.
Tonight, he felt he wouldn’t sleep without drinking.
Helping the dazed Lucia change for bed, Sein noticed transparent droplets falling on the back of his hand and looked up.
“Sein…”
“Yes, miss?”
“Is love always this painful?”
As her tear ducts, thought to be dry, filled once more, Sein sat beside her.
“I didn’t ask for much. I only wanted Herwin’s love… Was that too much for me? I don’t know how to escape this pain.”
Lucia buried her face in her hands, her shoulders trembling. Sein quietly patted her shoulders.
“Think of it as growing pains, miss.”
“……….”
“Everyone experiences pain while growing. Not just physically, but emotionally too. If you overcome this growing pain safely, you will grow into a wonderful person.”
“I’d rather not experience it at all if it’s this painful.”
The pain was so sharp it felt suffocating. If this was growing pains, she wished she didn’t have to endure them.
Sein smiled faintly and nodded.
“It’s because your feelings for Young Master Feneus were sincere that this hurts so much. But you don’t regret liking him, right?”
Lucia, silent, slowly nodded. She had no regrets about her feelings and expressing them honestly.
“That’s enough. You’ve poured everything out without regret. Once this growing pain passes, you’ll be fine. It’s a cliché, but time is the best medicine.”
“…I hope so.”
Lucia clutched her aching heart.
Closing her eyes, she vividly recalled Herwin rejecting her, and the pain returned.
Would there ever come a day when thinking of him wouldn’t hurt?
Right now, she didn’t know.
