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Chapter 23
“Ha…….”
Recalling that day, Licht finally let go of the documents he had been forcibly holding and leaned back heavily against the chair.
After spending the night with Luciana, the sexual instincts that had been stirring him vanished as if they had never existed—but her very presence became all the more uncomfortable.
It wasn’t simply the aftereffects of a one-night encounter. More than anything, what made Licht uneasy around Luciana was guilt.
“Drink this before you leave. I’ll have contraceptive medicine brought.”
Not only had he coldly shoved her away, but his tone had been sharp and biting as well.
Luciana was, without question, just as much a victim of the imprint as he was.
And that wasn’t all. Compared to Licht, who had directly experienced heightened arousal ahead of his rut, the one who had borne the greater burden was Luciana.
That day, regardless of how he himself felt, Licht should have checked on her first.
“But I….”
Damn it.
His eyes, bleak as he replayed his past mistakes, darted restlessly.
“Lucy, I love you.”
The confession he had repeated countless times while holding her tightly for so long.
“That wasn’t my will.”
The moment his rut began, the instincts that had been lurking deep inside swallowed Licht’s reason whole.
That was why he had clung to a woman to whom he had given not a shred of his heart, babbling nonsense about loving her and begging her to stay with him forever.
“…This is driving me insane.”
Licht ran a hand through his slightly overgrown black hair and clenched his jaw.
Though his expression as he recalled the past was grave, his brain—driven mad by thoughts of Luciana pouring down like a torrential rain—tried shamelessly to slip back into a state of arousal.
Like Luciana, Licht remembered every detail of that night.
No matter how much those desperate confessions and pleas hadn’t been acts of his own volition, he couldn’t forgive himself for abandoning his ironclad resolve and surrendering to instinct.
That was why he had treated Luciana so coldly the moment he woke and saw her.
Every time he faced her, he was tormented by the memory of himself yearning for her as a mate.
Because he didn’t have the courage to meet those clear eyes he had gazed into while pouring out countless confessions after losing his reason.
Because, despite having sworn never to keep a mate at his side for his entire life, he could neither forgive nor endure the sight of himself gradually turning into a fool.
That was why he couldn’t even bring himself to ask her a simple “Are you okay?”
The fear that if he showed even the slightest weakness, the fragile core barely holding him together would collapse without a trace. The vague dread that he would end up surrendering everything to his mate.
“……”
But even after choosing to shut her out so thoroughly, if one were to ask whether he had truly protected the core he so desperately wanted to preserve, the answer would be “no.”
As if mocking Licht for resisting it, his instincts began unconsciously searching for Luciana with increasing frequency.
“Use a return spell immediately after you finish drinking.”
Even though he had done nothing more than hand over the contraceptive and disappear, ridiculously enough, less than half a day after Luciana left the estate, he found himself berating his own harsh behavior.
As he tried to calmly resume his duties and rein in the aftereffects of his rut, a fierce shout came swirling through his mind.
—You shouldn’t have said that. Hurry and apologize to her!
His nature dredged up the image of Luciana stiffening as she listened to his harsh words and caused an uproar.
—Think carefully. You remember those eyes that wavered so dangerously because of what you said. She was definitely hurt.
Once it began speaking, his nature gave him no respite and relentlessly pressed him.
At the words, Licht recalled Luciana’s wounded gaze and was swept into turmoil.
His breathing grew uneven, and sweat dampened his palms.
Sensing keenly that Licht was shaken by its words, his nature erupted as if it had been waiting for this moment.
—What will you do if she ends up hating you forever? If that happens, it’ll all be because of your cruelty!
Being abandoned by Luciana.
“…!”
At the vivid possibility that pierced his mind like an arrow, his heart plummeted as if a fortress were collapsing.
“Duke, you’re truly the worst.”
He pictured Luciana snapping coldly at him.
Eyes laced with contempt. Lips pressed into a merciless straight line.
—Go apologize to her. Go to her and repent for what you did!
Sensing his hesitation, his instincts urged him endlessly, as if demanding that he seek Luciana’s forgiveness at once.
“…It’s true that my words went too far.”
Licht noticed a sheet of clean stationery on his desk and furrowed his brow, his unease deepening.
“As long as the imprint remains, aren’t we bound to cooperate anyway? There’s no need for our relationship to sour completely.”
For some reason, his gaze refused to leave the blank paper.
Should he apologize now?
Just as Licht unconsciously reached out toward it—
—Since when did you start caring about such things? How stupid. Once the imprint is broken, she’s a woman you’ll never see again. There’s no need for you to concern yourself.
Another voice, laced with irritation and dissatisfaction at Licht’s wavering, brought his movement to a halt.
“…!”
Once the imprint disappears.
The hand that had been reaching for the white paper slowly returned to its place.
—Don’t be fooled by instincts that try to lead you to that woman.
With that, the voice that had been stirring him up vanished without a trace.
“Damn it. Without even realizing it…”
There wasn’t the slightest hint of a smile on his face as he realized he had been swayed by that cunning whisper.
In the end, Licht abandoned the idea of sending a letter and chose to turn away.
Yet even after a full day passed, and then three more, thoughts of Luciana didn’t fade. Instead, just when he thought he might have forgotten, they would appear without warning and throw his mind and body into chaos.
Just like now.
—Think carefully. You remember those eyes that wavered so dangerously because of what you said. She was definitely hurt.
Along with the sly temptation, the image of those wounded eyes looking up at his cold self surfaced again.
—Since when did you start caring about such things? How stupid. Once the imprint is broken, she’s a woman you’ll never see again.
Even though he had long agreed with the voice that had been with him ever since he imprinted with her.
—What will you do if she ends up hating you forever?
And yet, whenever words that should have had nothing to do with him reached his ears, why couldn’t he just let them pass?
“Could it be that I…?”
Bang!
The moment the unwanted thought reared its head, Licht sprang to his feet, his face grim and desolate.
Luciana Leslie.
That woman was nothing more than an annoying party tangled up with him by accident.
“There’s no reason to concern myself with every little thing.”
With those words, Licht pushed away the lingering presence of Luciana that clung to him unbearably and rubbed his gaunt cheek.
Chin held high. Steps full of authority.
Knock, knock.
Even the knock rang with confidence.
“Excuse me, if you’re inside, could you open the door?”
Mary, once again running an errand for Luciana, spoke curtly while holding a large box.
Creak.
The tightly closed door slowly opened, revealing the hooded man yet again.
“I’m sorry. As you can see, my hands are full.”
“……”
In truth, the box contained only a few sheets of paper and could easily have been handled alone, but Mary deliberately pretended otherwise, intending to make the man do the work as she stepped inside.
He had probably noticed that this brown-haired woman was being deliberately petty for no reason. The boxes Mary brought were always so light they might as well have been empty.
“Hmph! This is nothing.”
Whether it was truly because of Miss Luciana’s influence or not, the man who had been outrageously rude before had become noticeably meek ever since her first errand.
Mary’s subtle jabs and constant dredging up of his past mistakes should have been irritating, but the man didn’t dare utter a single word, as if bound by an inescapable restraint.
“Our lady is the best!”
Thanks to that, Mary had been teasing Rick nonstop.
In truth, she had long since let go of any lingering resentment from that day, but teasing him was oddly fun, and she couldn’t stop.
“Here you go! Lady Lirian’s new request form.”
