Chapter 44
“Forgiveness”
Diana did not leave her room due to her injuries. While staying inside, she reflected on many things—her past, her feelings, and what she would do moving forward.
First of all, Diana had changed fate. The fact that Philip was alive proved it. This made her realize that the words of God—“it cannot be changed”—were not absolute.
Still, she could not completely ignore the prophecy.
If fate repeated itself, would she meet that woman again? Could anything be more horrifying than that? If it could not be changed, wouldn’t the child in her womb die again? Diana kept thinking and thinking.
No, the child wouldn’t die. Philip was here. She would make sure of it. But then… did that mean she was supposed to marry Giscar again? Marry again and have another child?
It was a dilemma that offered no clear solution. Seeing Lady Levian, disgust for their marriage rose up in her throat.
Why was fate so unchangeable? Diana despaired. Spending her time alone in this way, Diana Brien was eventually summoned by her father to hear a scolding.
“I know you are unwell. But you are the mistress of the Brien household. You cannot just do nothing.”
“…….”
“Get up and receive our guests. Show them the prestige of House Brien.”
Her father was not wrong. Whether she was sick, in despair, or wanted to hang herself immediately, the people of a noble house had to prioritize duty over themselves. The Thaliah Festival was about to begin.
Diana found this reality horrifying.
“Do not forget the ball.”
During the New Year, a series of festivals related to fire were held to celebrate Thali, the Winter Goddess, who purified all evil with flames. Among these, the most important event in House Brien was the Thali Ball. Not just a ballroom gathering, it involved dancing before the largest flame, dressed as Thali.
The dance was not elegant like a waltz but rather bold and passionate. Those who became Thali received a crystal crown shaped like ice and gained the opportunity to dance at the royal court’s first ball of the year, guaranteeing an invitation to all royal balls.
Many stayed at the Duke’s estate for this dance, making the winter social season center around House Brien. Diana had no choice but to be busy. As the mistress, she had numerous duties to oversee.
Her father’s words were correct. Yet, she wondered why she had to do all this. As Diana stepped in, lethargic but focusing on managing the Brien estate, the atmosphere had deteriorated to the worst.
“Oh my! Your Highness! You shouldn’t be like this!”
A sweet, girlish voice rang out. It was Lady Levian herself. Ferdinand seemed completely enchanted by her charm. Understandable—Lady Levian, at fifteen, was fresh-faced and beautiful.
Was this why she had ensnared Giscar as well? Diana gave a bitter smile. It seemed that the center of the social season had shifted entirely to Lady Levian. Perhaps due to having withdrawn for a while, Diana Brien naturally found herself excluded from the circle.
Strangely, she did not feel deprived. After all, all glory had never been hers.
However, her chest ached whenever Philip laughed beside that woman. At a tea party she was forced to attend, Lady Levian chattered incessantly.
“Panburrow is so fascinating! Unlike the Lordbrock Kingdom, there are so many things to enjoy—it’s so much fun!”
“Doesn’t Lordbrock have its own culture?”
“No, not at all. They don’t have festivals like this. Especially dancing as the goddess Thali before the flames—it’s so romantic!”
“Oh! If you are a princess, you can become Thali immediately.”
“Oh, thank you! Does Your Highness Philip agree?”
Philip chuckled softly.
“Of course.”
Diana sipped her tea. It felt like swallowing something bitter. Just hearing that voice made her tired. It reminded her of the laughter that had mocked her in her past life.
“Anne?”
Philip looked at Diana’s face. She raised her head.
“Anne, are you alright?”
“…Yes.”
Diana smiled faintly. Lady Levian remarked,
“Oh my, it seems Your Highness Philip and Lady Brien are quite close!”
“Since I am Princess Ionia’s maid, I see her face often.”
Upon hearing Diana, Lady Levian asked,
“A maid?”
Diana understood why she asked. Normally, the eldest daughter of a ducal house would have a maid, not serve as one. Being a maid was usually for younger daughters of noble families.
“You seem to enjoy taking care of others, Your Highness.”
“….”
“This makes me feel more comfortable around you.”
Lady Levian smiled at Diana in a way that was slightly mocking. Diana just wanted the tea party to be over.
In the Lordbrock Kingdom, there were no princesses, and House Levian was of royal blood. Excluding the queen, the highest-ranking woman in that land was Duchess Blake. However, the duchess had passed, so she was treated as quasi-royalty.
Because Lady Levian was shy around strangers, she only invited royalty with whom she felt close to the tea party. Would it have been easier to gather all noble ladies? No, probably not. Lady Levian had also become close with Panburrow’s young ladies.
Anyway, the uncomfortable event ended, and Diana prepared a place with other noble young ladies.
“Anne.”
Philip called Diana, who was giving orders to the maids. She turned around to see him approaching.
“Philip.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Yes.”
Even now, he cared about her condition. Diana’s heart warmed. Seeing her face, Philip sighed.
“Why are you like this?”
“Huh?”
What did he just say? Philip frowned and lowered his voice.
“You could at least look happier in front of Lady Levian.”
Diana stared blankly. Philip looked at her with pity.
“Do you know how closely Lady Levian watches you? Some even say she keeps an eye on you as a foreign princess.”
Diana looked at Philip, completely unable to understand. Why was he saying this? Her face cracked into a hard expression, and Philip’s eyes widened.
“No, wait, Anne! That’s not what I meant—”
“Your Highness Philip!”
A cheerful voice called from a distance. Lady Levian beckoned.
“Why aren’t you coming? We’re waiting!”
Philip looked toward her.
“Shall we go?”
“….”
“She’s the princess you think that way about.”
“Anne! That’s not what I mean! People think that—!”
“What does it matter… What matters is that you’re giving me advice like this.”
Diana felt a surge of emotion. Philip tried to speak, but she turned away.
“Did Lady Levian harass you?”
“….”
“No, right? You make a face like you hate it whenever she comes. Say something.”
Diana could not speak. Lady Levian had never harassed her. But she could not speak about the future either.
Seeing this, Philip’s eyes grew cold.
“Please, go!”
Diana shouted. Yet, deep down, she wished Philip would stay. But she heard his footsteps retreat. Hearing them fade, she despaired.
Ah, I’m tired. I just want to sleep. I don’t want to live.
She knew how strange she must have looked to others. With a near-death expression, forcing a smile and not participating in conversation, she naturally appeared to be keeping the princess in check.
Philip, quick to notice, understood something. Still, she said nothing. She could not.
Diana was exhausted. Truly, utterly exhausted.
When all the events ended, Diana staggered back to her room. She felt nauseated. After encountering Lady Levian again, her stomach occasionally churned.
Her body was weak. All the more reason to pull herself together.
Pull yourself together.
Her head spun. As she momentarily lost consciousness, someone grabbed her waist to prevent her from falling.
When Diana regained awareness, she kept coughing. Dust filled the room.
Fortunately, the spot where she lay was mostly clean, though dust was scattered here and there. Then, a voice spoke.
“Are you awake?”
What…? Giscar was sitting there, looking at Diana.
“Why are you here?”
“You collapsed.”
Ah, right. Her fatigue had peaked over the past few days. Diana spoke weakly to Giscar.
“Why didn’t you leave me in my room?”
“If you stayed there, I thought someone would summon you.”
Not wrong. If she collapsed, the duke’s mansion would turn upside down, and rumors would spread. Before that, her father would never allow it. Surely, someone would forcibly wake her to make her do something. Diana rose from her spot. She disliked it, but her duty had to be fulfilled.
Just as she was about to leave the storage room without even thanking him,
“Are you not looking for me anymore?”
“….”
“Do you hate me for betraying you?”
Ah, right. That incident. Lady Levian’s matters were so overwhelming that she had forgotten Giscar’s betrayal. Strictly speaking, it wasn’t even really a “betrayal dilemma.” Diana decided to stop thinking about it.
Giscar knelt before her.
“I will never betray you again.”
“….”
“I will live as your slave for life. You are my only master and my god.”
He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to it as if licking it, deliberately resembling a dog. Diana tried to pull her hand away, but Giscar held it desperately.
“So, please look at me again.”
“….”
“Give me your attention.”
“….”
“It pains me when I don’t have it.”
“….”
“I will look only at you for life. I will not betray you, so please forgive me.”
Giscar, who had never expressed his feelings, now showed emotions that Diana could not discern as true or false. Surprisingly, his final words—that he would only look at her—were exactly what Diana needed to hear.
