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Chapter 20
“That’s not what ‘kiss’ meant!”
When the chance finally came, it ended up being a burden in its own way.
Evelyn placed both hands on her lap and clutched the hem of her skirt as if anxious.
Her palms seemed to be damp with sweat from the tension.
But it was something she had to do, no matter what. Before more time passed—she had to act.
“I don’t intend to meet with you, Duke. Please don’t come looking for me again.”
She said it…!
Evelyn did not avert her eyes from Theo.
She tried her best to meet his gaze and firmly express her own opinion.
Having clearly refused him, she was ready to accept whatever reaction Theo might have.
“……”
Theo remained silent for a moment. He wasn’t angry, though.
Her firmness left him dazed.
The words, floating around him like a faint, shapeless smoke, slowly began to take form in his mind.
Evelyn had pushed him away.
She said she didn’t want to see him anymore.
Theo stared at her as if trying to pierce through her, then placed one hand on his left chest.
“Sorry… it hurts more than I expected.”
“……”
“I’ll deal with the pain myself.”
Then… why?
As if casually asking, he quickly demanded a reason.
There was no luxury to tend to his own wounds. He had to desperately hold on to Evelyn.
Meanwhile, she was confused, seeing the Duke asking for an answer even in this situation.
‘Does he recover faster than I thought?’
She wasn’t sure whether to comfort him or just explain her reason.
“Still not confident in me, are you?”
Theo spoke, recalling Evelyn’s words from the past.
“You doubt me… that I might change my mind.”
“That’s not it…”
“If I couldn’t give you trust, then that’s my fault too. Then… how about writing a pledge?”
“A pledge?”
“The moment I change my mind, I’ll give my life. Not that it will happen, though.”
W-what, give your life? Evelyn’s face went pale.
“No! I’m not giving my life!”
“This much is only fair to those who glance elsewhere.”
The conversation made no sense at all. Evelyn decided to respond with an unreasonable solution.
“No, Duke… no, Theo, why would you want me to use your head somewhere?”
“Well, it isn’t practical, I see.”
Only then did Theo acknowledge it.
Before she could even explain, he already felt a headache coming. Evelyn continued.
“Whatever your feelings are, Theo, I don’t intend to continue meeting you!”
“……”
“Yes, I know it’s absurd! You enjoyed it so much that you kissed me twice, and now you say you hate it? Even I’d be angry in your place.”
“You’re right. You certainly enjoyed that moment.”
Then why… Theo, who had been pondering, opened his eyes wide.
“You only wanted my body from the start…”
Here we go again! Evelyn interrupted him.
“That’s absolutely not true! And why do you say it like I only kissed you lightly!”
“Kissing was light for you, then?”
“No, that’s not it…!”
Before she realized it, Evelyn was standing up.
She ran her fingers through her hair in distress before sitting back down in her chair.
“I’ll explain the reason now. Theo, I hope you’ll quietly listen.”
The serious atmosphere made the Duke nod.
She calmly stated her reasons for refusal.
“Theo, you’re not just known in the Empire but across the entire continent as a Magic Swordsman. And your status as a Duke is… distant from me.”
“……”
“As you could see earlier, all eyes are on you. I don’t have the confidence to handle that.”
Evelyn continued calmly.
“As you know, I came from a rural territory. I left my beloved family behind for the sake of studying the ancient language and came to the capital with great difficulty. I want to focus on what I love—quietly and steadily.”
Days with Theo would be overwhelming. Everyday life itself would be exhausting, let alone work.
Studying the ancient language and immersing herself in research had been her long-time dream.
She didn’t want to ruin him over a fleeting feeling.
“In the end, it’s because of me,” Theo thought.
Yet still, he let himself desire once more.
Even knowing how firm Evelyn’s resolve was.
“…Can we not endure it together? With me?”
It took tremendous courage just to speak that one line.
There were countless words he wanted to say to hold onto her.
“If someone causes you pain, I’ll be a sharp sword.
If eyes like arrows are fixed on you, I’ll be a strong shield.
I’ll bear all the pain myself,” he wanted to say.
Faced with another confession asking her to stay by his side, Evelyn tried hard to remain cold.
“I’m not that deeply… in love with you, Theo.”
Hurting others was an incredibly painful thing.
Her violet eyes, full of herself, trembled slightly.
“…I see.”
Theo quietly acknowledged.
Her painfully resolute words sank his expression.
He had no right to occupy a priority place in Evelyn’s life. That would be greed.
Even staying in a small corner would have been enough, but that seemed impossible.
It was a painful reality—when hearts are not of the same measure.
He drank the wine in his glass. Evelyn, struggling as well, drank hers.
Exhaling deeply, she said,
“Duke… no, Theo, don’t think of someone like me anymore. Go find a new love.”
Theo felt confused.
Since that day, Evelyn was the only one who had entered his heart.
Her genuine concern had completely changed him.
How could he forget the moment she risked everything to save him?
Even nearly falling from running so fast, she never took her eyes off him.
Those blue eyes, focused only on him… he would remember them forever.
But now she tells him to find someone else?
He asked,
“For example?”
She was flustered but slowly continued.
“Um, I think… the person you spend your life with should be someone you slowly get to know over a long time… someone who seeps into your life deeply.”
“……”
“Of course, it’s not something I can say after kissing you immediately… but in that way, you’d fall for them so deeply you couldn’t escape.”
“Deep enough to endure any hardship?”
“Yes? Oh, yes.”
By now, was that the answer…? Evelyn gauged his reaction.
The Duke seemed to ponder her words for a moment.
“If what I said sounded strange…”
“No, I understand.”
Theo’s expression looked lighter. As if he had finally emerged from a long labyrinth.
“Slowly, deeply, over a long time.”
Right? Evelyn nodded.
It was the exact opposite of how they had lived.
“If we’ve finished eating, let’s get up.”
Theo stood. She was relieved the heavy mood was over.
“I’ll walk you home.”
I’d rather go alone…
When Evelyn said nothing, he smirked.
“Refusing again?”
That would hurt more.
He placed his hand over his chest again.
“No! I’d like you to walk me home!”
Flustered, Evelyn hurried to stand and followed him.
She didn’t even realize how she got home.
She felt like they had a light conversation in the carriage, but she remembered nothing.
After arriving at the old apartment, until she opened the door and went inside, the Duke quietly watched her.
As if ensuring she arrived safely.
Evelyn hunched her shoulders as she climbed the creaking stairs.
Choosing a place near the palace within her budget meant the apartment was run-down.
She took out her key and entered her space.
After a quick wash, she collapsed onto the bed.
“Done… it’s over now. I just have to live like this…”
Peacefully, calmly.
‘I won’t have to see him again.’
A wave of exhaustion hit. It felt like pushing away a stone from her heart, but it wasn’t light.
‘Did he get hurt? Was it hard for him?’
She didn’t understand why she kept worrying about the Duke.
Even exhausted, sleep didn’t come easily.
From the moment she first met Theo to the moment they parted…
Everything was vivid, without leaving anything out.
He was special. Such excitement was new to her.
Just being with him made her chest flutter.
It felt like walking on soft, sweet cotton candy.
With the Duke, she had learned new feelings and discovered different facets of herself.
It seemed it would take a long time to forget Theo.
Still, she had no regrets about her decision.
Evelyn forced her eyes closed. Sleep didn’t come easily, and she tossed and turned for a while.
