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Chapter – 09
How much time had passed like that?
I gently led Ignis—who had only just managed to stop crying—and sat him down beneath a tree.
After that, Ignis cautiously began to tell his story, and I silently listened to his calm, subdued voice.
“So that’s why…”
“…Yeah.”
As I listened to everything Ignis told me, my heart ached thinking about how difficult things must have been for him all this time.
Ignis said that ever since he was in the imperial palace, everyone there had spoken to him as if they were brainwashing him.
That if he ever showed weakness or inadequacy, everyone would be disappointed in him.
He added that since he had always been particularly sensitive and prone to tears as a child, he probably heard those words even more often.
After all, Ignis was the emperor’s only child, and the person destined to become emperor was expected to be perfect no matter what. Maybe they had pushed him harder on purpose for that reason.
Still, driving a child so hard that he suffered like this—there was no excuse for that.
Ignis even said that once, he had heard the words “I’m disappointed in you” directly from his beloved mother.
He didn’t go into detail about that incident, but it clearly seemed to have left a deep trauma behind.
Anyway, because of all this, he had probably spent his entire life desperately trying to do everything perfectly.
Always showing only a mature, composed side of himself to others—this was part of that too.
“Is it still hard for you to show this side of yourself to other people?”
“Yeah… sorry.”
“Hey! Why would you be sorry about something like that? Don’t think that way, Ignis.”
It was obvious that neither I nor the other kids would be disappointed by seeing Ignis’s vulnerable side, but he still seemed to find it difficult to let others see him like this.
So that means… I’m the only one who knows about this.
Wait—has it already gotten this late?
When I absentmindedly looked up at the sky, I realized night had already fallen.
“It’s gotten really dark.”
“Sorry, Renia. Because of me, you didn’t even get dinner.”
“Oh, come on. You’re way more important to me than dinner.”
I stood up from where I had been sitting.
“Ignis.”
“Hm?”
“From now on, whenever you feel like being needy for no reason, or when things get so hard you want to cry…”
“……”
“Call me anytime.”
As I brushed the dirt off my clothes, I continued speaking.
“I’ll accept everything.”
“……”
“It’s better than struggling alone, bottling everything up, right?”
Then I held out my hand to Ignis, who was still sitting there.
“Okay?”
Ignis stared at me blankly for a moment, then blushed shyly and took my hand.
“Yeah.”
The moment Ignis stood up, a sudden cry—like the shriek of a bird—rang loudly around us.
At that sound, Ignis’s face turned pale with fear.
Since he had already confessed that he was easily frightened, I instantly realized how scared he was right now.
So I held my hand out to him again.
“Want to hold hands?”
“…Is that okay?”
“Of course.”
Ignis gently took my hand, then interlaced our fingers.
I tightened my grip and led him forward.
“Let’s go.”
“Yeah.”
At least he looks a lot more relaxed now. That’s a relief.
* * *
“Renia, go on inside.”
“Renia… can’t you stay and play with me a bit longer?”
“You said you still have your final assignment.”
“A little longer would be fine.”
“What do you mean, ‘fine’? Ignore her and get inside already.”
At Sierra’s refusal, Lilliana clutched her head with both hands and screamed.
“The exams are over! Who gives assignments after exams?!”
“Yeah. You guys should head inside too.”
I deliberately ignored Lilliana’s whining and headed toward the dormitory building.
Behind me, her voice continued complaining about how unfair it was to have assignments after exams.
Exams were over, yet assignments… yeah, that does sound rough.
Just as I was about to enter the building, once Lilliana and Sierra’s voices faded away, someone stopped me.
“Renia.”
“Oh, Ignis.”
“Are you okay today too?”
“Of course.”
Ignis smiled and, as if it were routine, led me deep into the forest where few people ever came.
After walking for quite a while, he stopped at a familiar place—the spot where we had shared our secret not long ago.
This place had quietly become our hideout.
Ever since that day we shared our secrets, Ignis had come to find me every single day, wanting to lean on me.
It was probably because I was the first person he had ever completely exposed his weakness to.
Ignis had endured everything alone without leaning on anyone else all this time. So of course, he wanted to be a little more needy toward someone who understood what he considered his lowest, ugliest side.
But whenever Ignis called me out like this, he never did anything special.
He just talked to me, like a child, about what had happened during the day.
“Today, for some reason, I felt really good.”
“Really? I felt good today too.”
When I said that, Ignis broke into a bright smile.
“We’re in sync.”
“Maybe it’s because vacation is coming up?”
“I think it’s just because of you, Renia.”
Ignis just seemed to need a place where he could act like a child.
It must have been exhausting always maintaining a mature, composed image—so it made sense.
…But does he really need to sit this close and fiddle with my hand like this?
Even though I’ve cleanly given up on him, I used to like you in a really pathetic way, you know.
Well… I guess Ignis doesn’t know that.
Still, my hand feels like it’s getting kind of damp.
Is there a natural way to pull my hand away?
One more thing I’d learned from spending time alone with Ignis was that his self-esteem was far lower than I’d thought.
…So if I pulled away too obviously, he’d definitely shrink back again.
After agonizing over it for a while, I finally pulled my hand free and pointed somewhere instead.
“Huh? Doesn’t it look like there’s something over there?”
“What? Where? What is it?”
Failure.
When Ignis realized there was nothing where I was pointing, he grew even more frightened instead.
He grabbed my hand again—this time much tighter—and pressed himself closer to my side.
I let out an awkward laugh and said to him,
“Ah, I must’ve imagined it.”
“……”
“Don’t be scared. You’re not alone—you’re with me.”
“Yeah. Since I’m with you, Renia…”
Ignis, who had been staring straight into my eyes, curved them into a beautiful smile.
“I feel so comfortable. And happy.”
“……”
“Being able to let everything go, even just for a little while… that’s been my wish.”
With a soft smile on his lips, Ignis looked at me with an expression that was endlessly warm—and sad.
“So I’m so grateful to you for making my wish come true.”
“……”
“I don’t even know what I should do.”
After holding his gaze for a long while, I finally spoke in a playful tone.
“I like this time we spend together.”
“Huh?”
“Doesn’t it kind of feel like we’ve gone back to how things were before?”
Ignis nodded in agreement.
“Yeah. Last year, we all used to gather like this every day and talk.”
“That’s true. Now everyone’s chosen different departments, so our schedules don’t match anymore.”
Up until last year, we had all been grouped by age and took common classes together.
But now, everyone had chosen their own departments and was taking specialized courses.
Naturally, the time we spent gathered together like this had slowly disappeared.
“It was really nice back then. Everyone would loosen up and joke around, totally different from how we usually act.”
“Yeah. It really was.”
Even if they hadn’t grown up as strictly as Ignis, all of us—including me—were nobles.
And with that status came constant etiquette and pretense we had to maintain in front of others.
Because of that, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that making genuine, comfortable friends here was difficult.
But I was lucky enough to meet people like them.
Every moment I spent with them—free of formality and pretense—was incredibly precious to me.
In fact, it was because of times like those that I’d been able to let go of my feelings for Ignis even more.
I couldn’t give up the future I would share with my friends.
“Thinking about that time all of a sudden… I feel kind of sorry.”
“For what?”
“Back then too, you couldn’t really relax, could you, Ignis?”
“Why would you feel sorry about that? That was my own choice.”
“Still…”
Even back then, Ignis had probably believed he wasn’t allowed to loosen up.
He must’ve been afraid everyone would be disappointed if he showed his childish side.
Ah—this isn’t what I meant to say.
I cleared my throat once and continued.
“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is… I feel comfortable and happy when I’m with you too. So you don’t need to feel burdened at all.”
“……”
“If you feel burdened, it just makes me uncomfortable. So don’t do that.”
Ignis suddenly wrapped an arm around my waist and leaned into me.
Then he buried his face against my shoulder.
“Okay. I won’t.”
Chapter 3
Everything’s fine and all, but…
Lately, Ignis has been touching me a bit too much.
Though it’s really just holding hands and fiddling with them.
As usual, I looked at Ignis while he talked, our fingers interlaced in my hand.
Even though I’ve given up on him, this frequent physical contact still makes me a little uncomfortable.
Is he doing this because I feel like a parent figure to him—someone whose arms he wants to crawl into?
“Ignis, do you normally like holding people’s hands this much?”
“Huh? Ah… was it uncomfortable? I’m sorry. I keep grabbing without realizing it.”
At my words, Ignis immediately shrank back like a puppy caught in the rain.
Panicking at his reaction, I waved both hands frantically.
“No, no! It’s not uncomfortable at all!”
“Really?”
“Really! I just—this is the first time I’ve seen you act like this, so I was just curious!”
Hearing that, Ignis quickly regained his energy and smiled shyly.
