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Chapter 61
“What on earth made you go through something like this….”
Idorian tried to imagine all the time Penelope had spent alone.
Zombies rushing at her as if they were going to rip her apart.
Beasts howling through the mountains every night.
“Your Highness… why are you suddenly….”
He imagined how terrified she must have been, alone in the mountains with no food and nowhere safe to rest.
For so long, he had tried to erase his guilt toward Penelope—
but in the end, he had never managed to do so.
“……”
Idorian was trapped by the moments he couldn’t let go of,
forced to relive over and over the time he turned his back on her that day.
“It must have been terrible for you in the forest.”
Penelope’s gaze flickered briefly to the side.
She let out a small gasp, her lips parted as if flustered—
then shut tightly.
Idorian couldn’t look at her anymore.
His gaze fell helplessly.
“That memory still… holds you, doesn’t it.”
Penelope had worked tirelessly in the fortress.
And perhaps… perhaps she kept throwing herself into work so that by keeping her body busy, she could forget—even for a moment—the memories of the forest.
Yet she had never spoken about it. Not once.
“Your Highness.”
Penelope’s cool touch broke through Idorian’s troubled thoughts.
“Ah…”
Her small hand entered his field of view.
“So I mean….”
Why had he even brought this up?
“Let’s go, Penelope.”
It was the medicine.
He’d been clouded by that damned medicine and let such foolish words slip out.
Idorian thought he needed to get out of the tower before he spouted more nonsense.
“Your Highness… were you sorry about that day?”
But Penelope’s question kept him from standing.
Was he sorry?
Idorian had turned that question over in his mind countless times.
And yet, night after night, the conclusion had always been the same:
he had no choice.
If he were put in that situation again, he would make the same decision.
Zombies were on their heels, and Lillia was in his arms.
There had been no way for Penelope and him to survive together.
“…No. Even if I went back to that moment, I’d choose the same thing.”
To admit he was wrong and ask for forgiveness would also mean promising to act differently in the future.
But even if he went back in time, Idorian still would not have been able to save Penelope.
So he couldn’t apologize.
Penelope’s pale hand, which had wrapped over the back of his own, slipped away helplessly.
Idorian hated seeing Penelope distance herself—
but he had no right to stop her.
Her moving away from him was only natural.
To hate him, to resent him—
all of it.
“I had no choice.”
But he couldn’t bring himself to accept that “natural” truth.
A cowardly excuse spilled out.
If he pulled Penelope back to his side, maybe he could escape this guilt.
If she spoke to him again, approached him like before,
maybe then he could finally break free of the illusion, the memory that kept him trapped.
“So, Penelope… I really had no other choice.”
He knew it was selfish.
But he still wanted, greedily, to lift at least some of the guilt.
The hand he urgently grasped began to slip away again.
Idorian let go first.
He expected her to be angry.
“Yes, I know. It was an unavoidable situation.”
But instead, her voice—gentle, without sharpness—accepted his words quietly.
“Then why do you look so tormented?”
“……”
“I don’t resent you, Your Highness.”
Penelope continued in that calm tone.
Those were the words he had wanted to hear…
and yet—
Their eyes met, and she gave him a soft smile.
“So you don’t need to blame yourself anymore.”
“……”
“You said you’re not sorry… and yet your face still looks pained.”
As if comforting him, she gently brushed his shoulder with her hand.
Idorian suddenly didn’t know what to say.
“It’s all right, Your Highness. It’s already in the past.”
The way she looked at him—
as if she truly felt no resentment at all—
Idorian couldn’t understand how she could smile at him
when even now, just remembering that day made her face turn deathly pale.
“If you really feel sorry… then grant me a request later.”
Those were the words he had wanted—
the situation he’d imagined—
yet Penelope’s smile gripped his throat tight.
How…?
Idorian could no longer bear it.
He couldn’t suppress it anymore.
He shouldn’t do this.
He really shouldn’t.
But he could no longer stop himself.
“…I’ll apologize, Penelope.”
The words he had resisted for so long spilled out uncontrollably.
All the distance he’d forced between them became meaningless in an instant.
But he didn’t care anymore.
“I’ll never leave you behind again.”
Idorian Pidentele could no longer turn his back on Penelope Lloyd—
the girl who once lay on the ground with her hand reaching up to him.
“Promise me.”
Even if there was still no path where the two of them could survive together.
“Ah….”
An apology. A promise.
Something I never expected.
Something I had never even hoped for.
I lowered my head as a sudden rush of emotion welled up in my throat.
‘Why am I like this.’
The feeling came so abruptly that even I was startled.
Step. Step.
It felt embarrassing to let Idorian see my eyes that felt ready to water,
so I turned my head toward the approaching footsteps.
Heresthen was walking toward us.
“Your Highness.”
He briefly acknowledged Idorian’s presence.
Idorian, who had been standing close beside me, stepped away slightly.
“Penelope.”
Heresthen’s brows furrowed as he looked down at me.
“You’re quite injured.”
He was referring to the blood around my neck.
Even though the wound was small, the bleeding had been persistent, leaving long streaks.
Even now, little beads of blood were forming.
“I heard a rough explanation from Uben. You stepped forward as a hostage instead of the child.”
Heresthen let out a faint sigh.
He looked like he was trying to figure out what to say.
“…Let’s go down first.”
He ran a hand over his face.
“Penelope, you should rest.”
Then he glanced at Idorian.
“If you can’t walk, get on my back.”
“Ah—”
Heresthen turned, offering his back, but I quickly shook my head.
“No, I can walk on my own.”
There was no reason I couldn’t.
The reason I had been lying on the stairs wasn’t because of the medicine like the others.
I had only fallen asleep as an aftereffect of awakening.
I had confirmed the zombies at the gate were moving back into the forest and fled the watchtower quickly.
Then I remembered I’d been injured in the same spot back when Renie took me hostage, so I opened a wound there again—
And when I opened my eyes next, I was here.
Now, with both of them talking beside me, I felt fine.
“Get on, Penelope. I told you—the medicine hasn’t fully worn off yet.”
Idorian spoke as he pulled me onto his back.
“It doesn’t hurt to be careful.”
His voice was quite firm.
“Marquis, I’ll carry Penelope.”
“But Your Highness also took the medicine.”
I reached out toward Heresthen for help.
A moment ago, Idorian’s breathing had been noticeably unstable.
His body had been strangely warm.
And I’d seen him frown several times as if dizzy.
I really didn’t want to fall off his back halfway down the stairs and crack my skull on the floor.
“This feels more—”
“When I climbed the stairs, I was dizzy. But after sitting a bit, I’m fine.”
Idorian answered confidently, as if telling me to trust him.
“As long as you don’t squirm, this is safer.”
As he finished speaking, Heresthen pressed my back gently—
urging me to lean in and stay put.
“……”
With no choice, I rested my face against Idorian’s back.
For a while, only the muffled sound of footsteps descending the stairs filled my ears.
Through the cheek pressed against him, his warmth seeped into me.
With each of his steps, my body rose and fell gently.
I could clearly feel his heartbeat, his scent—
but somehow, it didn’t overwhelm me the way it usually did.
I still had to hold my breath, but…
strangely, just as Idorian said, I felt safe.
