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Chapter : 60
In the Next Life
The blade comes down heavily.
The hand gripping the hilt tightens until it aches.
The fingers twist,
and the leather-wrapped hilt bites into the skin.
“Don’t hold blades anymore.”
“……”
“In your next life, even if you’re bored, even if you’re lethargic, do nothing at all.”
So that your hands will never be cut by that blade.
.
.
Whose memory is this?
A presence stirred beside her.
Fingertips brushed over Charles’s cheek.
“You’ve grown rough.”
A tongue clicked nearby.
Charles’s hands grew rough quickly.
Benjamin caught her slender wrist and traced downward.
“They say Pedelin has hands that shouldn’t hold a blade, yet talent that must.”
Benjamin’s fingers moved down to rest beneath her nose.
Her shallow breath touched his fingertips and scattered.
By habit, he checked her breathing and lowered his arm.
Around then,
Charlorf shifted, pressing her cheek into the pillow.
Her shoulders felt heavy.
Her body felt weighed down, as if burdened at the waist.
“Stiff?”
Benjamin rested a hand on her waist and gently rubbed the muscles.
“They say you shouldn’t grip blades carelessly.”
“You were the one who assigned Lord Dungan to me.”
“I didn’t assign him to see you like this.”
Charlorf let out a thin breath.
“My body feels a bit sore.”
“You hardly have any muscle.”
She slowly regulated her breathing.
“Please keep this hidden from my maternal grandfather.”
Charlorf turned slightly and added,
“I don’t yet know how to explain it to him.”
“Why not?”
“My affairs tend to trouble my family’s hearts.”
“You’re overly cautious.”
“I’m still—”
“You can loosen your hold on yourself a little. You try to widen the distance between people through caution.”
Benjamin trailed off.
Don’t learn. I’ll raise the palace walls higher and guard your side, so don’t draw close to dangerous blades.
“My grandfather also wielded a sword. My uncles were versed in both letters and arms.”
“You’re different from them.”
“I know. My life won’t be the same as theirs.”
If she walked this path, she could clearly see what lay at its end.
On the day she would hold a blade in her hand—
if such a day came—her delicate grip would be torn and shredded.
‘Everyone’s worry must stem from the same fear.’
Charlorf slowly closed her eyes.
Lethargy.
It arose from trying to distance herself from the current situation.
Perhaps she had sensed that if she planted her feet too firmly, the ground beneath her at the end would be completely torn apart.
Knock, knock—several maids tapped on the office door.
They slipped quietly inside. Within, the scratch of a pen sounded at a steady rhythm. Paper brushed against sleeves, and backlit light traced the silhouette of the figure facing the window.
The maids brightened the lamps. When the dark crimson hair caught the light, it shimmered purple. They placed a new quill on the pen stand and withdrew silently.
“How is it?”
“It’s quiet.”
Maids stood guard outside the office as well.
“How long has Her Majesty been in the office?”
“All afternoon. We replaced a worn quill nib and came back. Everyone held their breath beside her—we simply set down the quill and left.”
Documents were stacked neatly on a side table. Once reviewed, the aides organized them.
Charlorf layered the Pyrote regional budget execution tables atop one another. During the local restoration period, expenditures were recorded, and the allocated budget for each day was entered in the tables.
She pressed the nib hard. Her eyes, scanning the executed budgets, grew dry and strained. At last, she set the papers down.
The sorted reports were tied with string. Katarina murmured beside her, almost in awe.
“…I didn’t expect you to review such an amount without leaving your seat.”
“I can’t go any further. My eyes are tired now.”
She gathered her hair with a thick ribbon and tied it up. As she tilted her shoulder, a few strands slipped free.
As Charlorf swept the loose hair back, her eyelids sank as if submerged in water.
“Is it the medicine? I feel hazy.”
“It may be the medicine that raises body temperature.”
Charlorf placed the quill in the ink bottle and pressed her temple. She felt her pulse beneath her fingertips.
The infirmary had sent medicinal decoctions; perhaps because of them, her body felt warmer today. Medicine to raise body temperature, they said. Thanks to it, she had recovered and her temperature had risen.
“It’s hot.”
The inside of her palm throbbed. Her hands felt dry and parched.
The presence beside her moved away.
“Are you uncomfortable anywhere?”
Charlorf withdrew her arm.
Benjamin stepped closer. Having dismissed the attendants, he had just finished a meeting with the advisors.
“My wrist feels sore.”
“From holding the quill too long?”
“……”
“You barely have any muscle. I’ve never seen a body with so little strength—it’s surprising. I can see why your family is desperate to put some flesh on you.”
The tendons in her wrist ached dully.
“Did you eat?”
Charlorf’s arm stilled.
“You missed it again?”
“I—I’m sorry.”
The head maid bowed anxiously.
“Don’t scold her. I kept postponing it, saying I’d just finish this, and missed the meal.”
“Better than being listless, but don’t skip meals.”
Benjamin instructed the chief attendant to prepare lunch.
“Are you taking the medicine the infirmary sent regularly?”
“There are always people checking beside me—why ask again?”
“The head of the family spoke to me separately.”
Her grandfather had exerted his influence even here in the imperial palace.
“It’s a tonic brewed from ingredients good for restoring vitality. Don’t skip it.”
The head maid whispered beside her.
“The tonic has been prepared.”
“My stomach is empty. Bring it after the meal.”
“Then I’ll tell them to return in one shijin.”
Soon, food was set in the dining hall.
“I’ll escort you to the hall.”
Steam rose gently from the dishes. The table was filled with appetizing seafood—large abalone grilled in butter, shrimp and other seafood simmered into a stew.
“Do you often lack appetite?”
“No. I was just rushing to finish the Pophyuta matter.”
“I’ve already heard that you often miss meals.”
Charlorf scooped up the stew.
“If you skip meals on an empty stomach again, I’ll hold the servants accountable.”
“That’s excessive.”
“The head of the family is worried because you’re losing weight by the day.”
Benjamin seemed to know exactly how to press at her sense of guilt.
“If you skip another meal, I’ll report it to the Windsor family.”
The Empress, who put her own safety last, seemed to care for herself more only when her family’s concern followed.
“I’ll eat a bit more stew.”
“The grilled abalone is good too—light and mild.”
“Then I’ll cut some.”
“There’s eel as well.”
Benjamin took the knife and cut the grilled eel for her.
“It’s lightly grilled, and the sauce isn’t strong.”
The eel flesh was tender, melting softly on her tongue.
“Eat a little more.”
“It’s up to my throat.”
“Your stomach is too small.”
“You fed me plenty already.”
“If you lack muscle and stamina, at least put on some weight and recover first.”
Her stomach slowly filled.
She waved her arm gently, saying she couldn’t eat any more.
“It’s time for your medicine.”
Soon, the chief attendant brought the palace infirmary’s medicine.
“Eat, then take the medicine. The head of the family is worried enough to ask personally.”
“……”
“It was prepared by several imperial physicians, so you mustn’t leave any. This too will reach your family’s ears. Even if they don’t say it, everyone is watching—don’t leave the medicine.”
The bowl of medicine seemed to grow larger and larger.
“It’s bitter.”
“Things good for the body are bitter.”
Benjamin wiped her lips.
Only after Charlorf finished the medicine was she finally released.
“It feels like they’ve only brought heavy foods to fatten me up.”
“Putting on some flesh would be good.”
Various medicinal ingredients were mixed into the food.
They were simmered thoroughly like tonics, herbs used in place of spices.
Since they weren’t brewed according to proper medicinal methods, the efficacy was less than half—
but with her vitality weakened now,
wasn’t it better to take in even a little more, to recover faster?
“I thought it’d be good to boost your energy a bit.”
“Your hands have grown rough.”
Aaron applied ointment to her palms.
“A precious body has been damaged.”
Her delicate skin was slightly reddened.
“From the dirt?”
“What if calluses form?”
“It’s just a little sting.”
“I don’t know if this is right.”
The hand that had gripped the sword hilt was swollen red, the skin burning.
“Usually, a noble lady would clutch her hand and tear up at even a little pain.”
“I’m not usually that kind of person.”
Even this sting would dull someday.
“Perhaps because the skin is still tender.”
It stung a little.
Her hands were dry and rough.
The head maid, near tears, applied cream.
Feeling sorry that they grieved over even the slightest abrasion.
Aaron finished his examination.
He declared her fully recovered.
“Please move your body gently.”
“I am moving gently.”
“That’s not very reassuring.”
“There are many watching beside me, and I’m being careful too. Don’t worry.”
Aaron released her wrist with a soft sigh.
“You’ve recovered completely. You heal well.”
“I had people who took good care of me.”
“Even if the medicine is bitter, you must take it regularly. The weaker your vitality, the more important tonics are.”
Though her body had recovered, Charlorf remained the same.
Somewhat listless.
Her gaze rested on distant emptiness.
“What are you looking at?”
“I don’t know.”
“Build up your stamina. Vitality rests on stamina. Physical strength and mental strength are, in the end, stamina. There will be days when a person stumbles, falls, and the road ahead seems so dark you can’t even measure it—days when you want to give up and sit down. What carries a person through those moments is stamina.”
Raising a fallen body.
Steadying a weakened heart.
“Find your balance.”
Aaron bowed deeply. The old man’s back was bent.
“Then, please rest.”
Aaron gathered his things and left.
The head maid massaged Charlorf’s arm.
“Do you feel weak?”
“I’m fine.”
“Then why are your eyes closed?”
“I was emptying my thoughts.”
To regain balance.
She leaned back on the bed.
Her slanted posture tilted to the side.
“Balance…”
Charlorf steadied her breathing.
Her eyelids trembled faintly.
A shallow breath escaped.
She recalled the advice exchanged during sparring with Pedelin.
“Empty your head and find your balance.”
“Pardon?”
“That’s what they say.”
“I’m sorry. I’m still lacking, so it’s hard to grasp Your Majesty’s thoughts.”
“I thought it was over, but it wasn’t. I was thinking that.”
She had thought it was all over.
That this was the end of this life.
Perhaps she had stopped walking, waiting for the end in misery.
“It’s time to change.”
