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Chapter : 25
Please, give me breath.
Charlophe scrunched up the tip of her nose at the ticklish feeling there.
“Cough.”
When she lightly rubbed the bridge of her nose with the back of her hand, Benjamin opened the window behind the office desk.
“Are you all right? It might be better to step outside.”
“I’ll have someone air the place out.”
For that reason, a seat was prepared in the back garden. Since neither of them had eaten yet, food was brought as well.
It seemed her maternal grandfather also knew Benjamin hadn’t eaten yet. That must be why he chose this time.
Is it really only appearances that change after five years?
There was something the same as before, yet also something different.
What drew her eyes most was, undoubtedly, the scars.
“You’ve got a lot more scars.”
“Have I?”
“On the back of your hand, and on your neck too.”
“They don’t really hurt.”
“How long have they been there?”
“A few years. Hands that wield swords are usually like this.”
As Charlophe reached toward the scars, a hiccup came from somewhere. Hic— hic. The sound of someone desperately holding it in was painful to hear.
“Hic!”
The head attendant hurriedly swallowed his breath.
“I– I’m sorry.”
Even after that, he kept stifling his hiccups, pressing down his breathing as hard as he could to reduce the noise.
“Hic! Hic!”
Benjamin lowered the hand that had been holding a knife. His eyes met the head attendant’s. A brief silence passed between them.
“Have everyone withdraw.”
At Benjamin’s order, the head attendant bowed his head.
“Yes. I’ll have everyone withdraw.”
“Don’t interrupt until I call.”
Instead of elaborating, Benjamin gestured with his chin to dismiss him. His tired expression clearly showed annoyance.
“The head attendant seems very stiff.”
“That’s because here I’m the unfilial son who killed the late emperor.”
“But the late emperor died of illness…?”
“He clung to life for five years like a living corpse, then suddenly died. Maybe that seemed suspicious to them. Just my existence alone must have planted fear in them.”
Benjamin whispered with a small laugh. Having climbed to his position drenched in blood, such rumors weren’t surprising.
With neat fingers, Benjamin tidied Charlophe’s stray hair. The curling strands tangled around his fingers.
“After the late emperor died, the state of the country was a complete mess. Honestly, it’s impressive it’s even survived this long. The treasury was empty, and all the loyal officials had their heads chopped off….”
Something heavy seemed to grip her ankle.
“The founding king must be applauding in his grave.”
Even in a previous life, he had been recorded as a tyrant. That he ascended the throne owed not only to force, but also to justification.
Our engagement was planned, but choosing you was an impulse.
She didn’t want to die the same miserable death as before.
It was like a show of force to those who had ruined her life.
I won’t let you ruin it again like you did before.
“I revised the law so custody doesn’t automatically go to the biological father. Maybe after seeing elders and nobles die off, no one raised objections in the council.”
Feeling the air grow heavy, Charlophe hurriedly spoke.
“Why didn’t you tell me back then?”
“Tell you what, exactly?”
“The day you came to find me. Sending me to the fief couldn’t have been only the Windsor family’s decision. You influenced my grandfather, didn’t you?”
Benjamin smiled faintly.
“Even if you’d been there, there was nothing you could have done.”
“Is that so?”
“If I’d left you in that state, something would surely have happened.”
Someone approached.
“Your Majesty, it’s the head attendant.”
He’d been told not to interrupt, so for him to come in person meant it was urgent.
Benjamin, seeming to know that, asked calmly,
“What is it?”
“The captain of the guard has come. He says it’s urgent and is waiting in front of the office. What should we do?”
The head attendant muttered with a troubled face. I truly didn’t mean to interrupt the two of you…
“Prepare a place for the young lady to rest. Don’t go anywhere—wait here, Charl.”
“Is the tea temperature to your liking?”
Charlophe nodded and smiled softly.
“If you need anything else, please let us know.”
“I’m more comfortable alone inside. Could you give me some privacy?”
The head maid led the other maids out.
Charlophe stayed in a private room inside the palace. Sitting on the sofa, she fiddled with her teacup. Through the cup beaded with condensation, she felt the vibration of the tea inside.
A single petal floated down gently. The deep orange Darjeeling was astringent, yet pleasantly savory.
She draped a furry blanket over her knees and leaned back.
“I already knew the ministers and officials were afraid of him, but seeing it myself is different.”
Benjamin was far from having a gentle disposition.
“It’s not just people who’ve changed. So much has.”
Charlophe set down her teacup. It felt like some time had passed, but there was still no word from Benjamin.
She considered asking a maid how much longer it would take, but decided against it.
Instead, she stood before a mirror.
A woman with dark brown eyes gazed back at her.
Reaching out the same way, blinking the same way.
“This life, I’ll end it happily.”
She recalled the day she died and returned.
A blurred afterimage overlapped in the mirror.
There stood the nineteen-year-old girl from her past life, who had died and returned, who looked like she might die again at any moment.
After losing her mother, forced to hold her breath even while knowing of her father’s mistress and illegitimate child,
Unprotected in her father’s absence, yet simply enduring—just a “child.”
“I was a child back then, too.”
Charlophe shook her head.
“Have I changed, even a little?”
That precarious child had learned to resign herself, and to stand alone.
And to accept a human touch at the right distance, and adapt to it.
Her hair, longer than before, reached her hips when let down.
Trimmed at the ends and cared for with fragrant oil, it looked full yet graceful.
Charlophe lay down on the bed.
Maybe she’d close her eyes for just a bit. The palace’s ornate patterns caught her eye everywhere.
Lying on her side atop the blanket, she closed her eyes.
The peculiar tension of the unfamiliar place slowly faded.
As her consciousness dimmed, she thought she heard someone’s voice.
How is it now? Are your days peaceful?
Was it her mother’s voice?
Charlophe answered softly. I’m trying to make them so.
“You’re late.”
Benjamin dismissed the attendants and moved on.
We told the young lady His Majesty might be delayed today, but she said she would wait.
Even so, he’d thought she would have gone back by now. Benjamin stopped and looked up at the empty air.
The evening sun had set.
The sky that had glowed red quickly darkened, and by the time he left his office, it had long since been pitch black.
You’re still here.
In the place he’d expected to be empty, Charlophe lay asleep.
“She just fell asleep a little while ago, Your Majesty.”
Her dark red hair was scattered across the bed, her back turned to the door.
“Your Majesty… I’ll wake her.”
“No. Don’t come in. Wait outside.”
He closed the door behind him. In the space where they were alone, her unique scent lingered.
Even as his footsteps echoed—tap, tap—Charlophe didn’t stir.
“Charl.”
He stopped.
“It feels like I’m touching something I shouldn’t.”
As he reached out, he thought he smelled thick blood. Sticky blood seemed to cling to his fingertips.
Benjamin withdrew his arm. His hand was clean, with only a few calluses.
Irritably running a hand through his short hair, he saw her turn over.
“Mmm.”
As if dreaming, her expression was distant.
He reached toward her long eyelashes.
At the tickling touch, he cupped her cheek. Her soft skin was unlike his.
“Charl.”
Her name lingered on his lips.
“Charlophe.”
Charlophe slowly opened her eyes. Her hazy gaze looked up at him.
“You’re still sleepy.”
“……”
“Want to sleep a bit more?”
Benjamin bent down and whispered. Their eyes met, an intimate exchange of gazes.
Her drowsy eyes followed him.
He leaned closer.
Charlophe glanced at the hand on her cheek, then fumbled to hold it.
Then her slender arms pulled him into an embrace.
“Charl.”
And then their lips met.
Hot breaths burst between them.
Within that, she hungrily stole his breath.
Her throat felt blocked. Her airway stiffened, and as time passed, the sound of breathing faded.
A hollow emptiness, as if she might die, settled over her.
Despairing that her voice reached nowhere,
Her lungs stiffening, her painful sobs became a soundless scream.
Everything hardened.
This breath. This body.
At the end of this death—was there rest? Or only misery?
Perhaps she had been a little miserable then. This was all a dream.
An illusion, a past already gone, an ending that had once already concluded.
“A dream?”
“……Probably not.”
“Feels like it might not be.”
“You have bad sleeping habits.”
Charlophe opened her eyes with effort.
You’re right in front of me.
She woke to the voice that kept whispering again and again.
She reached out, wrapped her arms around his neck, filling the breath she lacked.
Breathing deep into her lungs.
“I can’t breathe.”
“You have to breathe.”
“You do it for me.”
“Honestly…”
“Please… give me breath.”
Their lips met again. As if filling the lacking breath, something slowly swelled within her.
His scent seeped deep into her lungs.
Hot and rough, yet soft and firm.
His grip closed around her neck.
“Are you still half asleep?”
“……”
“It feels like I’m doing something terrible.”
His hand was just starting to fall when delicate fingers touched the back of his hand.
Slender, gentle fingers—no wounds on the skin, neatly trimmed nails, soft to the touch.
Yet despite such gestures, that expression felt strangely out of place.
“……Don’t go.”
Her thin voice trembled.
“Don’t leave me alone.”
“……”
“Please, don’t leave me alone.”
Maybe it was her true feelings, spoken in her sleep.
“I’m here.”
At the softly whispered voice, her breathing calmed.
“I didn’t go anywhere.”
Benjamin drew closer, and the bed sank with a soft thud.
He touched her slowly, subtly. His black eyes grew insistent, as if examining every inch of her.
