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Chapter : 06
My Family Has Fallen Apart
“Did I add that last comment for nothing?”
Charloff twisted her wavy hair and ruffled it into a mess. Letting it fall all the way past her hips felt cumbersome.
“I wonder if I only made Uncle feel more conflicted.”
“Lord Aster? He went out today to look around his businesses. He seemed just the same as always,” Becky said as she carefully untangled the knotted strands and brushed them out.
“So Uncle stepped out, then?”
“Yes. Are you going out somewhere today too, miss?”
“There’s a place I need to visit briefly. The weather’s nice, after all.”
“Miss, you’ll ruin your hairstyle. Please stop touching it.”
When Charloff sat there twining her fingers through her freshly brushed hair, Becky lightly tapped her on the shoulders. Though the long hair reaching her hips could be troublesome, Becky skillfully fixed and braided it.
When she pinned a lily-shaped hair ornament among the reddish waves, Charloff’s gloomy impression softened a little.
“That’s all for your grooming. Then I’ll be on my way. Please call if you need anything.”
After Becky left, the terrace door soon opened. A cool breeze swept into the sitting room.
Benjamin came in through the terrace window. Perching on the sill, he headed straight toward Charloff.
“The house was empty.”
“Yes. Both my grandfather and uncle are out.”
“What about Caesar Windsor too?”
He was her great-uncle.
“He’s not home either.”
“I heard he stepped out on business—guess he hasn’t returned yet.”
They said he’d be back soon. Benjamin moved a little closer and sat across from her.
There was a hard-to-define sense of distance about Benjamin.
Was it the difference in their builds?
Yet there was something subtly compelling about him—like a grip that caught and pulled you in. That subtle pull dissolved the wariness between them.
“Charle.”
Benjamin leaned closer.
“What are you staring at so blankly?”
“You.”
“Seems you’ve gotten more comfortable now.”
It wasn’t that you were ever difficult. Rather, the gap between us brought about this strange attraction.
“Did you find out what I asked for?”
Benjamin set a small note on the table.
“This is the address of the person you wanted. Henrietta is currently five. They say she’s Chloe’s child. For now, it looks like Tuttega is listed only as a simple guardian.”
He slid the note over.
“Thank you. You found them.”
Though Charloff’s biological mother was already dead, that household had still been a family—yet that family had fallen apart.
My mother is already dead, but you’re still alive, aren’t you?
My family has fallen apart, so where do you think you’re going to live so comfortably?
As long as that lifeline remains, you’re under my control.
If I leave them out of sight, they’re harder to control. Better to keep them in my grasp and decide whether to squeeze or let go.
“They’re close by.”
“If they’re practically keeping two households, the homes need to be close. And the Marquis of Tuttega isn’t exactly diligent, is he?”
Charloff skimmed the note and handed it back. Benjamin idly touched her cheek, rubbing the pale skin with his index finger, then wiped away a smudge of black ink and smiled.
“Why is there ink on your face?”
“Oh, I used a fountain pen for the first time in a while.”
She wiped her cheek with her sleeve again, but apparently missed the spot. Unable to watch, Benjamin pulled out a tissue and cleaned it for her.
This body had once died. In a previous life, she’d already lived through countless events, big and small. Wanting to get used to handwriting again, she’d written essays and notes here and there—hence this mess.
“Looks like you’re not used to writing by hand.”
“I guess not. It still feels unfamiliar.”
She could still vividly remember how stiff and numb her senses had been. Ah—maybe it would be good to get tested once for Ruperte’s disease. Still, that was something for twenty years later. There was time.
“Charle?”
She barely pulled herself out of her thoughts.
“Yes. Go ahead.”
“Why? Isn’t that basic for a lady’s education?”
“Everyone has their own circumstances.”
Benjamin didn’t understand. When Charloff had been paralyzed by Ruperte’s disease, even the nerves in her fingers had stiffened. It took a long time to adapt to this sensation.
“Are you going out?”
“Yes. I should.”
“Then you’ll need to get Aster’s permission first.”
“Do you need an escort?”
“Not really. Why?”
“If you don’t need one, I’ll just go.”
Benjamin nodded, telling her to do so.
“I’ll just inform the servants.”
After telling them she’d be out briefly, Charloff left at once.
The carriage stopped before a quiet mansion. A white fence surrounded it, and the gate was closed.
“By the plan, I wouldn’t set foot in Tuttega for several more years…”
But there was no need to wait that long.
“Ah… what a wretched mess.”
An affected voice drifted out softly. Charloff got down before the gate and knocked the doorknob lightly with the back of her hand.
The hinges were loose. As she stood there, a small child toddled up to her feet. Grabbing the gate with tiny hands, the child tilted her head. Charloff smiled at that innocent face.
“Hello.”
The child smiled back.
“Henrietta! How far have you wandered off on your own!”
Charloff took in Chloe’s face carefully. She looked younger than Charloff remembered. Ah—so pretty and delicate.
Mother. When you were ill, even walking was hard as your limbs twisted… what am I supposed to do now?
“Who are you?” Chloe asked.
Charloff stared down at the child. Sensing something off, Chloe scooped her up and held her protectively. Henrietta now had fair skin and plump cheeks.
“Are you Miss Chloe?”
“Yes, but who are you?”
“The Marquis of Tuttega sent me.”
Charloff lowered her head and twisted her lips. Chloe hurriedly asked again,
“The marquis sent you?”
Be happy. I’ll be throwing you into that household earlier than planned.
“He instructed me to check whether the child is doing well.”
“Oh, thank goodness! You have no idea how relieved I am. These days the marquis hardly comes by, and he doesn’t even visit Henry anymore…!”
Chloe said this while affectionately tapping the child’s nose. Charloff gripped the bars of the gate and tilted her head.
You look like your father. If you share that blood, your life will be exhausting too.
“But… where’s the person who usually comes?”
Chloe glanced around.
“Who are you?”
“….”
“It’s my first time seeing you. Are you sure the marquis sent you?”
Chloe didn’t recognize her. That was largely because Charloff didn’t resemble her biological father.
Still—shouldn’t you recognize me? Even if you don’t know I’m his daughter, you should at least recognize the blood of his child. If you’re his mistress, shouldn’t you show that much sincerity?
She pressed her forehead and twisted her mouth.
“Does that matter?”
She dropped the polite tone at once.
You people—if I push you into Tuttega out of pity, all you have to do is go in quietly.
“You’ve been given a chance. Just go into Tuttega. Don’t ask me. Do you really think you’re in any position to be proud? Don’t play with your pride. If you don’t want to toy with that child’s life, take her and go to Tuttega.”
Charloff closed her eyes.
This too was knowledge from her past life. Henrietta would suffer a high fever and end up limping on one leg. It could be corrected later, but if it could be fixed now, it was better to do so. Even now, the child’s cheeks were flushed with a mild fever.
Your existence isn’t your sin. But still—
That I hate you isn’t my fault either.
I hate that innocence.
The child reached out toward her, eyes full of curiosity and purity.
“You were going to go anyway. I’m just moving up the timing.”
She smiled thinly and turned to leave when Chloe quietly asked,
“What’s your name, miss?”
“Charloff.”
She told her on purpose.
So that when you meet my father someday, you’ll mention that name to him—
tell that man, who hasn’t even bothered to look for his daughter days after she left home, at least one word of news about me.
“Charloff.”
Charloff whispered softly.
Even if it’s unfair, endure it, Charloff.
Kill your own existence.
As long as you keep that life, that will be enough for Mother.
Those were the words her biological mother had spoken before she died.
They’re almost erased from my memory now.
What was it you told me to endure? What exactly was I supposed to endure?
How much more was I supposed to endure just to breathe in that damned household?
“Miss?”
Leandro’s aide quickly stepped aside.
“Is Grandfather inside?”
“If you mean Lord Leandro, he’s in his study.”
Charloff tore loose the hair pinned with the ornament, letting it fall, and twisted one corner of her lips.
“Tell Grandfather I have something to say to him.”
The aide went in to announce her visit.
From here on, it was time to cut away a rotten bond.
You have to cut off rotten flesh for new flesh to grow.
Cut away rotten roots for new shoots to sprout.
Even if the roots shake from it, rotten roots can never fulfill their purpose anyway.
“So? You said you had something to tell me. Why won’t you speak?”
That was why she had come to Leandro’s study. The blade that could cut away those rotten roots was in his hands.
“I want to be disowned.”
Custody, by default, belonged to her biological father.
Charloff was nineteen now, on the verge of twenty, yet she would still be under his control for another year. To take that right away, the only way was for her father himself to give it up.
“That sounds like it needs more explanation.”
Leandro folded his hands and gestured for her to continue.
Before opening her mouth, Charloff had thought long and hard.
Where should I start? How should I say it so my maternal family will be hurt as little as possible?
There was no answer. So she chose to state the facts as calmly as she could.
“My father has a mistress.”
That relationship had continued even while her mother was alive.
Ever since Charloff was little, they had been in an affair.
Disgusting.
It felt filthy.
“They’ll be coming to Tuttega soon.”
Leandro’s face twisted harshly. Bringing a mistress into that damned household…
“They, you say?”
“He has a son. Five years old. Since the child was born five years ago, he must have been seeing her for at least six years.”
Rather than doubt her, Leandro chose silence.
She wasn’t asking for them to be punished. She only wanted herself to be taken out of that family.
You were going to have to say this someday anyway. You did what you had to do, Charloff.
“When did you learn of this?”
She had found out when her father brought the mistress home—another memory from her past life, distant now.
“A long time ago.”
“Your father truly is…!”
That was all he could manage, trailing off.
“Please help me be disowned.”
Leandro parted his lips again and again, as if he wanted to say something, only to close them weakly. Over and over.
“I need some time to think about this on my own,” he finally said.
After a long silence, his answer came. His expression barely changed, but he looked utterly weary.
