Chapter 40

It was a hot summer day.

The stifling air, sticky sweaty skin, and hair clinging to my face irritated me so much that just standing still made anger boil up.

However, from early dawn, I was extremely excited.

I hurried the maids to prepare my bath water, and used my favourite scented soap to wash thoroughly. I spent time drying and combing my hair, braiding the sides and tying them with a ribbon. I wore a blue dress delicately trimmed with white lace on the sleeves and collar. I carefully chose shoes to match.

The girl in the mirror somewhat resembled my mother in her portrait. Growing my brown hair to just below my shoulders and curling it, braiding the sides – all of it imitated Mother. Because Father, Blake, and Grace loved Mother, I hoped that if I looked a little like her, at least they wouldn’t dislike me.

Father, Blake, and Grace often went on royal mage missions, which required frequent trips. That summer’s trip lasted over three weeks and from what I overheard, it was dangerous.

I believed they would return safely, but still, I was glad and excited.

Why was I so happy and thrilled back then?
Now, I cannot understand.
Back then, I was more foolish and didn’t know how to give up, so I couldn’t abandon the hope that they would welcome me even a little since it had been so long.

Hearing they had arrived, I rushed out. I ignored the maids frowning at me and ran quickly down the corridor.

“Welcome home, fa—”

The word ‘Father’ closed in my mouth.

Father smiled tiredly from his long journey. Beside him stood Blake and Grace, looking haggard. They handed their dusty cloaks to the butler, removing hats and gloves. Though exhausted, they seemed happy to be home.

Laughter rang out.

“Oh, how I missed my home!”

“Don’t cling to me, Blake. You’re filthy.”

“So cold. It’s been three weeks, can’t you be nicer?”

Enoch scoffed and turned away. I stood frozen on the landing where I could see them. When Enoch noticed me—no, before that, the three must have already sensed my presence. Yet they did not acknowledge me.

“I need a bath. Lishi, prepare it.”

“Welcome home, Grace-nim.”

“Ugh, it’s so hot today. Enoch, want to bathe together?”

“You must be heatstruck, Grace. Anyway…”

Only Enoch looked at me with uncomfortable eyes. Father patted Enoch’s shoulder and walked away with the butler. Blake stared directly at me on the landing and said:

“It’s already hot and disgusting today. Please understand, I don’t want my mood ruined after coming home.”

“…You people…”

“I can’t promise to stay sane if you stay here. Sorry.”

“What’s the point of apologising to me…”

His cold eyes radiated deadly intent. Blake never made idle threats. He always meant what he said and kept his word. I involuntarily stepped back. Enoch sighed and shook his head.

He meant it was best to retreat now. But I had already decided to run before he could signal me. From the moment I saw the three embrace Enoch like family, as if he were their child or sibling.

I turned away, and Enoch followed.

“Florence!”

“Don’t come!”

I pushed away Enoch, who caught up instantly. A sharp slap resounded. I bit my lips hard.

“Don’t sigh. Don’t follow me. Leave me alone!”

“If you want to be left alone, don’t run.”

“Who asked you to come after me?”

Enoch looked at me, inhaled, and rubbed his face with his palm.

“Give up, Florence. Please, stop hurting yourself.”

“I don’t want this either! I, I just…”

I squeezed my eyes shut. When Enoch’s face disappeared, the emotions I had suppressed surged up. It was the scene I always dreamed of. Father returning home tired, my brother and sister, me all groomed to greet them, exchanging greetings, preparing things to make them comfortable… telling them I was glad they came back, relieved they were safe…

Even if reality didn’t match the dream, I thought at least I could greet them. That hope shattered in the most miserable way.

I sat down, covering my ears, screaming.

“I hate you the most! You’re not even related by blood, why are you there? Why does Father cherish you? Why do Grace and Blake like you? They hate me but always forgive you no matter what you do. I hate you, Enoch. I hate you…”

I was so jealous I couldn’t stand it. You made me feel so pathetic. It was horrible.

“Don’t take it out on me, Florence.”

Enoch’s voice hardened. He grabbed my arms and forced me up. I pushed him away with my eyes shut.

He was right. This was me taking it out on him.

Enoch never did anything wrong to me. In fact, he was probably my only ally.

“They hate you, but it’s not my fault! I told you I liked you!”

“Don’t pity me. What, did you think, ‘My family hates her, so I should at least like her’? Were you being charitable? Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t need that!”

“…”

“Damn it, just go away, Enoch…”

“Look at me, Florence.”

No.

“Don’t close your eyes. Look at me.”

No.

“I told you I liked you.”

“…”

“I told you to leave this mansion with me, Florence.”

“…”

“Damn it, Florence. If you want to cry, just cry…”

I barely opened my eyes. I lifted my head and looked at Enoch directly. He looked exhausted. Fatigue pooled between his brows.

“No.”

Even if I die.

“I will never cry in front of you. I will never show you such a pathetic side of me ever again.”

Then I closed my eyes. The large hands gripping my arms tightened, then fell away helplessly. I felt his deep sigh above my head but didn’t want to see his face again.

Enoch Haines stirred such complicated emotions within me. Though I knew it wasn’t his fault, I was so jealous of his place among my family it drove me crazy. He could command spirits who never answered me, and people needed him without him even trying.

Enoch was smart, talented, and handsome. Even though he spoke harshly, he was kind even to me.

“Florence.”

He was the one person who offered to love me when no one else would.

“Does hurting me make you feel better?”

“…”

“Then you should smile.”

Standing too long in the sun would make me faint, so he pulled me into the shade. Then he left.

After that, we never spoke again. Even if we saw each other, we pretended not to. When he stopped talking to me, I lost the ability to converse with anyone in the mansion.

Enoch placed me in the shade and spoke. I replayed that moment hundreds of times. His departing back, his voice, the heat of that blazing day, and the kindness of the shade.

“I won’t reach out to you first again. I won’t even speak to you. But Florence…”

“If you ever ask for help first, I will do anything for you.”