Chapter 122

Florence opened her eyes quietly.

Laila, who should have been sleeping in the next bed, was gone.

She had expected this.

As Florence pushed the blanket aside and got up, a voice came from the floor.

“Leaving?”
“Keith.”
“At least wear your coat. It’s still chilly.”

She waited a moment, but Keith didn’t get up. Enoch was the same. Florence was sure they were awake, but she put on her coat by herself.

He had told her not to apologize. But besides ‘sorry,’ there was only one other thing she could say.

“I’ll be back.”

She couldn’t promise when she’d return, but she would.

Florence teleported to where Laila was.

Laila was sitting in a chair. Nelson and Ted were standing beside her. But what they held in their hands were sharply gleaming curved blades. Florence rushed in and threw her arms around Laila, clinging to her.

“No, Laila!”
“Don’t interfere.”
“Don’t die. You mustn’t die.”
“It’s my life. If I want to end it, what’s it to you?”
“Even so, no. Don’t do it….”
“Let go.”

Florence tightened her arms around Laila’s neck. She would not let go, no matter what. She clenched her teeth.

“Nelson, get Florence off me.”
“Can I be rough with her?”

Instead of moving immediately at Laila’s command, Nelson grinned. Florence squeezed her eyes shut.

“I won’t let go even if you hit me. I won’t let go even if I die.”
“Nelson really won’t go easy on you, Florence. Don’t think they’ll be like Keith or Enoch.”
“I know. I’ve been hit by them before. But I still can’t let go.”
“Florence.”
“I want to die too!”

Ted chuckled and said.
“Shall I kill her for you?”

“Don’t touch her, Ted. Move and I’ll kill you.”

Laila glared fiercely and warned. Just a moment ago she’d said to get her off, and now she said not to touch her. Ted shrugged and showed both his palms. A gesture that he wouldn’t do anything.

“Why do you want to die? Is this why you said you would kill the Captain?”

Laila said in a low voice.

“You just got your body back from that woman. You have a lot to do. You have to hold a funeral for that child, Mari.”

“…I will….”
“You have Enoch. And you have Keith. You can choose either one.”
“No.”
“Go. You asked for my help because you wanted to live happily.”
“I did……. I thought I could.”

If she had known what it meant to be happy, perhaps Florence’s life would have been easier.

Florence had always wanted to be happy.

Would I be happy if Father hugged me? Would I be happy if my sister liked me? Would I be happy if my brother smiled at me?

She thought she knew. She held onto hope that maybe things would change if she could just get inside the circle of her family.

It hurt not because she couldn’t, but because that wasn’t how she could become happy.

Because happiness wasn’t something others could give you.

“But I don’t know what it is, Laila. I thought I’d know if I made that woman suffer like I did. I thought everything would change dramatically if Linus couldn’t chase me anymore, if I left my family forever…”

What had she wanted?

Did she want someone to set off fireworks just because she had defeated them, just because she had accomplished what she had desperately run towards?

Would things have been different if they had?

Both Laila and Florence must have realized the same thing when they saw the fallen Linus.

That seeing such a petty, miserable, and futile end changed nothing.

They were still left with their loss.

Alex would not return, and Mari could not return. They wouldn’t even be happy.

With Linus and Jang Hyun-ji, who had filled her thoughts, now gone, the void of loss felt bitterly cold. ‘Mari died because of me. I couldn’t protect Alex. I was right there. They would have lived if I hadn’t been there. They died because of me. I couldn’t protect them.’

With no one else to blame, an unbearable self-hatred washed over her. She wanted to die. If she could go to them, she felt she could escape this suffocating guilt.

“But nothing has changed. I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know anything. But Laila, I know you mustn’t die.”
“Why? What am I to you?”
“……You’re right, I’m nothing to you…….”
“Let go.”
“I’m nothing to you, but, but even so, I don’t want you to, Laila…….”

Florence took a deep breath. She tried to say something. But no words came out, and instead, tears burst forth.

From the day she lost Mari, Florence hadn’t been able to cry. It was as if a dam had been placed on her emotions; one corner of her mind remained coldly rational. Even when angry, wronged, or scared, she could still think. The tears that used to flow so easily had stopped.

In her childhood, when she didn’t want Enoch to catch her crying, she could never hold the tears back. She would hide and get angry at herself, wondering why these damn tears wouldn’t stop, because crying hurt her pride.

When she was wronged and struggling, when she was miserable, the tears came easily. But after losing Mari, not a single drop fell. Florence secretly thought it was because she was selfish. She thought that if her emotions weren’t only moved by her own misery and anger, this wouldn’t happen.

Was it that it didn’t feel real, or was it that she wasn’t actually sad at all…?

But that wasn’t it.

The emotions she had covered with a thin film burst out all at once, triggered by something.

The emptiness made it hard to breathe. It blocked her windpipe, making her lungs shrink.

But even though she wanted to die because it was unbearable, she couldn’t let Laila go. Even knowing that feeling, she couldn’t let her go.

“You mustn’t die, Laila…….”
“……Ha…….”

Florence cried like a child, sobbing loudly.

As if it had been a lie that she couldn’t cry until now, tears foolishly overflowed. Afraid Laila might push her away, she clung to her with her whole body, holding her neck tightly. She would absolutely not let go.

Why did it have to be Laila?

It wasn’t Keith, who shared memories of Mari.
It wasn’t Enoch, to whom she had shown all her pathetic sides.

It wasn’t because she felt sorry for them, but not sorry towards Laila.

Enoch and Keith would understand Florence. They would accept her if she let her emotions out anytime. She knew they had been waiting for her.

But she didn’t understand why the tears that wouldn’t come out in front of them had to burst out in front of Laila, of all people.

“Move, Florence….”
“No.”
“Don’t get in the way…….”

Laila put her arms around Florence’s back. She could easily push her away. But the fingers resting on Florence’s shoulders held no strength. Laila scrunched her nose.

Did I ever cry?

After sending Alex away, when did I last cry? The moment he was dying was the last time.

She didn’t know if it was sadness at losing him, or anger, or despair. She thought it was clearly a sad thing, but it felt like Laila’s emotions were also covered by a thin film. Because otherwise, she couldn’t endure.

Calmly, no, was she calm?
Pretending to be calm, she was killing herself.

She knew.

Who was there to blame? It was Laila who couldn’t save Alex.
Who was there to blame? It was Florence who couldn’t save Mari.

Laila’s hand on Florence’s shoulder clenched into a fist.

Her nose stung. Her eyes burned. Laila’s face contorted. She herself didn’t understand why tears were coming. She never wanted anyone to understand her heart. She never wanted sympathy.

“Don’t die, Laila.”
“Move….”
“No. I won’t move. Take me with you.”
“…Where would I take you.”

In the end, unable to push Florence away, Laila looked up blankly.

Nelson and Ted were watching Laila.

On the day she lost Alex, Laila made a contract with these two. Because she had no attachment to a world without Alex. Because she knew she wouldn’t regret it, even if it meant she could never live in the light again. They were a symbol of that resolution.

She still didn’t regret it. But she couldn’t go with them just yet.

She grabbed the hem of Florence’s clothes, pulled it, then let go. Her strength left her.

Laila buried her forehead in the nape of Florence’s neck. Her eyes were hot.