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Chapter 31
At the moment when the Imperial Palace was in an uproar,
the Halbern estate, in contrast, had sunk into a deep silence.
“Miss.”
Whatever had happened, Arellin, who had been dragged off by the Crown Prince, returned alone and locked herself in her room, refusing to open the door.
The childcare unit, caught in unexpected chaos, convened an emergency meeting right in front of Arellin’s door.
“Does anyone know what happened?”
“I saw His Highness the Crown Prince with the twins from Sperom.”
“The twins from Sperom? Why were they there?”
“I don’t know. All three of them looked confused.”
“Then it seems no one knows what’s going on.”
“Could they have had a fight?”
“If it were that simple…”
Arellin and Pession’s reactions didn’t sit right with them.
“Come to think of it, I heard His Highness cried.”
“Ah. I actually saw him tear up myself.”
“Whether he really cried though…”
The childcare unit, despite discussing a topic as delicate as the Crown Prince’s tears, fell into silence and simultaneously let out deep sighs.
“Why is something always happening…”
Perhaps it was because another incident had occurred just a few weeks ago—worry only deepened within the childcare unit.
“Sigh…”
“There’s nothing we can do at this point, right?”
“Yes. This is beyond our ability to resolve.”
“It’s unfortunate, but this is out of our hands…”
The childcare unit shared sorrowful looks and nodded solemnly.
“Let’s call her.”
Their opinions united.
“Miss Mehen, we need your help!”
The door was tightly shut.
No one entered. In the stillness,
in the room submerged in darkness,
I quietly stared at the thin line of light that slipped through the curtains.
A narrow beam of light stopped just in front of me.
Light I could reach with just a stretch of my hand.
“……”
It felt so much like my own situation that I couldn’t bring myself to draw the curtains. I simply sat there, hugging my knees, staring at it.
Light.
Brilliant and beautiful light.
“You are my light.”
A long-faded memory switched on like a broken old video.
“You’re my only hope.”
Eyes that once shone.
Eyes filled with blind belief and madness.
“Oh, my child.”
“Please, make it come true.”
“Make my dream come true.”
The true form of the nightmare that had long dominated and tormented me.
“You can do it. You’re just like me.”
From the moment everything I had barely built collapsed, to the time I was left alone in the darkness for so long after being cast aside.
I always had the same thought:
‘How did things end up like this?’
Was it my fault?
Did I do something wrong?
What did I do wrong?
I blamed myself. I hoped for another chance. I envied those who seemed to get a second chance instead of me. I was miserable.
And when finally everything spun completely out of my hands—
That’s when I realized.
It wasn’t my fault.
Just like any child,
I loved my mother.
I wanted to make her happy.
I wanted to fulfill her wish.
What I truly wanted wasn’t to become the world’s best violinist, or praise from people, or winning competitions.
It was simply my mother’s love.
Just one word of praise—“Well done.”
But my blind love was never returned.
I was abandoned for being a disappointment, for becoming useless.
And my mother found a replacement.
Another “light” that could perfectly fulfill her dream.
“You understand, don’t you? Your mother loves music so much.”
My father only told me to understand.
He defended her and said now I could live however I wanted.
How is that fair?
I spent my entire life doing what “Mom” wanted, and now I’m suddenly supposed to do what “I” want?
A life that wasn’t mine.
Achievements that weren’t mine.
Everything in my life, from beginning to end, didn’t belong to me.
Then what did I live for?
‘I’m sorry. Truly sorry.’
But even while apologizing, my father did nothing for me.
Even when I publicly squandered the family’s money, he never gave me a proper scolding.
No—neither of them cared.
No matter what I ate or did.
I’m still here.
I’m still here!
I’m alive!
Even when I screamed, caused trouble, and cried until I couldn’t anymore, the only thing that greeted me was a silent, empty house shrouded in darkness.
“I’m still here.”
I’m still alive.
“Why…”
Why won’t anyone look at me?
That sinking feeling.
The kind of heart that never rises again.
‘I’ll be by your side.’
It’s so contradictory.
That I only met you after I’d learned how to give up—after I had already let go of that hope.
‘I’ll always be with you from now on, Arellin. So you don’t need a family!’
That we only met now,
And that I’m going to die soon.
‘You are my light.’
Those abandoned in the darkness for a long time will reflexively clutch any light that falls into their hands—never letting go.
They cling desperately to that light, bind it tightly, become obsessed.
As if to compensate for the time they had lost it.
Or to make sure they never lose it again.
I’ve seen people cling to the light until it destroyed them.
I’ve seen people obsessed without realizing that the brighter the light, the longer the shadow it casts.
‘I don’t want to live like that.’
I don’t want to struggle so pathetically or hurt others just to survive.
That’s why I pushed Pession away.
I don’t want to ruin you.
‘This must really be the end.’
Did I actually like it?
That gentleness, that kindness…
That attention and affection?
‘He must be completely over me now.’
Even though I was the one who cut things off, I couldn’t help but feel empty and hollow after it ended.
Even though I was so cautious—had I already gotten attached?
Now that it’s gone… do I miss it?
‘How ridiculous.’
We just went back to how things were.
We were never close to begin with—if Pession hadn’t approached me, we’d never have gotten involved.
This was just a moment.
It’ll pass.
I’ll be fine soon. I’ll feel nothing.
Knock knock.
A knock broke the silence.
“Young Lady.”
It was Mehen’s voice.
“I’m coming in.”
I heard the master key turning in the lock. I just sat there, watching the door slowly open.
“I heard from the childcare team. You haven’t eaten anything. What in the world…”
Mehen stopped in his tracks upon seeing me.
Swallowing hard, he asked quietly:
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m… crying?”
I touched my cheek. Something wet clung to my fingertips.
Mehen summoned the childcare unit.
The members exchanged nervous glances as they saw Mehen sitting silently, deep in thought.
‘I want to ask how the young lady’s doing, but should I stay quiet?’
‘I want to ask why she didn’t come out, but maybe I shouldn’t…’
They even held their breath as they waited for Mehen to speak.
“Sigh…”
Mehen let out a long sigh.
‘This is giving me a headache.’
He had a feeling something had happened when he got the emergency summons and letter from the Crown Prince’s palace.
But he never expected Arellin to be crying.
“Raising a child is difficult.”
“Ah…”
“Oh…”
Everyone agreed. No matter how much you prepare, actual childcare is always tough.
“I need your input. It seems the young lady… is really struggling right now.”
He didn’t go into detail, but that was enough for the childcare unit.
Putting aside their own questions, they immediately started brainstorming ways to cheer Arellin up.
“Should we call in a theater troupe? She seemed to enjoy that last time.”
“She also liked those visual recordings of famous places around the world. Maybe we can get more of that series?”
“I’ll fetch some new novels too.”
All of them suggested things to do indoors.
“What if Mehen just spends the whole day playing with her?”
That was Yuni’s casual suggestion.
The room instantly went quiet.
“No, I wasn’t just being lazy—I really thought about when she seemed happiest, and I think it was when she was with you, Mehen.”
“……”
Mehen silently looked at Yuni.
The air suddenly turned cold.
“Ha ha… ignore this kid’s nonsense.”
“Sorry, we’ll make sure to properly train Yuni next time.”
“We’ll think of a more constructive approach!”
Before they could provoke Mehen’s wrath, the others quickly jumped in.
But Mehen shook his head.
“No. It’s fine.”
Then, surprisingly, he stood up.
“That’s enough for today’s meeting.”
Was he angry? Calm? No one could tell from his vague reaction. The childcare team was left in confusion as he left first.
“What… what just happened?”
After leaving the meeting room, Mehen went straight to Arellin’s room.
He had comforted her while she cried, made her eat a little, and put her to sleep before briefly stepping out—but now he had a strong feeling he needed to see her again.
“Read me a storybook.”
Come to think of it, that had been her wish.
So simple that it had completely slipped Mehen’s mind.
‘I see.’
If being read a storybook was a wish, then she must have hardly any memories of them together.
“How foolish I’ve been.”
Looking back, they hadn’t even made a single decent memory.
“No—”
It was too early to regret.
He had a lot of work piled up.
But now, nothing could be more important than Arellin.
“Young Lady.”
As if she had never slept, Arellin was wide awake and staring at Mehen blankly.
He stroked her cheek and brushed her hair aside.
And then he said,
“Tomorrow, let’s go out and have some fun.”
