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Chapter 10
I gave a faint smile.
“…Thanks for worrying about me.”
Sella rubbed her forehead against my leg as if to comfort me.
Silavi fluttered slowly onto my left cheek, wings brushing as though to console me, and Quiel hugged my right cheek tightly.
The little mushroom-shaped gnome hopped onto my shoulder, rubbing its head—shaped like a cap—against my neck.
The spirits didn’t radiate warmth, but their intention to comfort me was unmistakable.
My heart began to feel a little warmer.
“Thanks to you all, I feel a bit better. Thank you, everyone.”
I spoke with sincerity.
The spirits, delighted by my words, bounced and fluttered in joy.
I picked up Sella, who had been swishing her tail at my feet, and murmured quietly,
“It seems As still needs more time.”
The next morning came with no progress.
As always on this day, my eyes opened early.
From afar, the songs of birds rang out clear and bright.
I blinked vacantly, then rose from the bed.
Walking to the window, I opened it wide.
The fragrance of blooming acacia flowers drifted into the room on the breeze.
“The flowers have bloomed…”
I muttered absently, then, out of habit, took a deep breath.
The sweet scent unique to acacia filled my lungs.
“Happy birthday.”
I whispered quietly, then smiled brightly toward the sky before heading to the kitchen.
The greeting would never reach the one it was meant for—but still, I wanted to say it.
I wanted to celebrate.
So, as I always did on this day, I baked a cake.
The warm, toasty aroma of baking bread filled the kitchen.
While the sponge baked, I simmered stew.
A small, private celebration for someone who would never know.
But I wanted to celebrate nonetheless.
The sponge was baked to perfection.
Through the open kitchen window, birdsong drifted in pleasantly.
Humming softly, I decorated the cooled sponge with whipped cream and strawberries.
That was when it happened.
As, who had been coming downstairs to help prepare breakfast, stopped in his tracks at the sight of the cake.
“…A cake? What’s the cake for?”
I was so happy that As had spoken to me first that I noticed nothing else.
Smiling broadly, oblivious to the subtle emotions in his voice, I lifted my head.
Wiping cream carelessly from my cheek, I answered,
“Mm, it’s someone’s birthday today.”
“…Whose birthday?”
At that question, I froze for a moment.
My eyes lowered slightly.
“…Someone I owe an apology to.”
As was silent for a while before murmuring quietly,
“…Does that person know? That you… celebrate their birthday like this?”
I slowly shook my head.
A vague bitterness welled up inside me.
“No, they don’t.”
“….”
“They probably don’t want to see me anyway. So… it’s better if they don’t know.”
“…Better not to know,”
As muttered under his breath.
His voice was trembling, unstable.
Realizing that, I suddenly sensed the heavy, unusual mood filling the air.
Flustered, I set down the piping bag in my hand.
“As…? What’s wrong?”
His face was twisted, lips biting down hard—
as if something had struck him deeply.
“…Foolish.”
“W-what?”
“It’s foolish. Why go so far to celebrate the birthday of someone who doesn’t even want to see you? Someone who doesn’t even know you’re doing this—why…?”
Suddenly, tears rolled down As’s cheeks.
Stunned, I just listened blankly to his words, then flinched at the sight of his tears.
“As, wait…”
“…I’m sorry. I was rude again. Please just forget what I said.”
Before I could stop him, he turned and ran upstairs.
I stared blankly at his retreating back until it disappeared, then bit my lip.
“Foolish, huh…”
Yes. It was foolish.
It was stupid.
Who celebrates the birthday of someone who doesn’t even want to see them?
“…But I already know that.”
I do it because I want to.
It’s not cursing them—it’s wishing them well. That much, at least, should be my choice.
A heaviness pressed at my chest.
To shake it off, I puffed out my cheeks and slapped them with both hands.
“Alright, time to eat! Let’s finish this up!”
I shouted cheerfully on purpose.
Then I picked up the piping bag again and resumed spreading whipped cream over the cake.
Both the stew and the cake were finished, but somehow I had no appetite.
Staring at the cake for a long moment, I rose and placed a bowl of stew and a slice of cake on a tray, then carried it upstairs.
Standing before As’s door, I took a deep breath and knocked.
“As, I brought breakfast.”
“….”
“You should eat.”
“….”
No answer came from inside.
I set the tray down on the side table in the hallway, beside a vase of flowers.
“I’ll leave it here. If you’re hungry, take it and eat, okay?”
Then I summoned Silavi and Sella.
“Silavi, Sella. Please keep the food warm and clean until As eats it.”
The little silver butterfly flapped its wings twice in assent.
The small red kitten rubbed its forehead against my leg in agreement.
I stroked them both in thanks, then headed back downstairs.
After all, there’s nothing better than housework to keep your mind clear.
The hallway grew quiet.
Leaning against the door, Arkes slowly slid down to the floor.
“Because it’s someone’s birthday today.”
“They probably don’t want to see me, so it’s better if they don’t know.”
Joy, resentment, sorrow, desire.
Too many emotions tangled together, suffocating him.
“…Why.”
The word slipped from his lips, his confused voice trailing away unfinished.
Remembering the birthday, baking a cake, celebrating the person—
Why?
He turned the question over and over.
Just because of a kind heart?
If so, then you are far too cruel.
“…I like you, very much.”
When I confessed,
“I… I’m sorry!”
Those words of apology were all you left behind, before disappearing.
That’s why I avoided you.
Even knowing you wanted to mend our relationship.
Because otherwise, overwhelmed by my emotions, I might lose control.
I might imprison you within my world, block out anyone else from reaching you.
Force you to look only at me.
That fear kept me away.
…Because I didn’t want to force you.
“Don’t smile at me.”
“Foolish.”
“Why go so far to celebrate the birthday of someone who doesn’t even want to see you?”
But I had already tried to control Einra, again and again.
Rudely.
If I stayed here any longer, I would try to control and restrain Einra even more.
Whenever it came to Einra, I couldn’t control myself.
“…I should go back.”
He muttered.
The chance encounter that had come with mortal danger—it was over now.
Ruined by his ugly desires.
After a long silence, still leaning against the door, Arkes finally stood up.
It was time to say goodbye to Einra.
The stock for the soup was almost finished.
I had started cooking to chase away my thoughts, and now I felt oddly satisfied, as though I was making good use of my time.
I turned off the heat and lifted the pot, ready to strain the stock—
“Einra.”
The unexpected voice made my eyes widen.
“As?”
Had he sorted out his thoughts already?
The idea made me strangely glad.
I turned so quickly I forgot I was holding the pot, and my foot slipped.
“Ah—!”
My body tilted.
The hot stock inside the pot sloshed, about to spill onto me.
Or at least, it would have.
“Einra—!”
If As hadn’t rushed in, pushing me aside in the blink of an eye.
SPLASH—
The stock spilled.
I squeezed my eyes shut instinctively, startled by the crash of the pot hitting the floor.
When I opened them again, I saw As—his back soaked, water dripping down—looking at me with urgent concern.
“Einra, are you hurt—”
“As!”
I grabbed him in panic.
“Y-you—you…! Are you okay…? No…!”
My mind went white, words stumbling out brokenly.
While I stood frozen, lips trembling uselessly, As spoke in a calm, steady voice, as if nothing had happened.
“I’m fine. What about you, Einra? Are you hurt anywhere?”
