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Chapter 5
I muttered absentmindedly, and in that instant, I felt every trace of sleep vanish.
“Is something wrong?!”
“Aas?!”
I quickly opened Aas’s door and went inside.
It was truly fortunate that I had given him a room on the same second floor as mine.
“Uh, ugh… d-don’t… come…”
Aas was groaning as though caught in a nightmare, his body drenched in cold sweat.
The sight was so pained that it hurt just to watch.
“Aas! Wake up, Aas!”
“U-ugh…?”
Just calling out to him wasn’t enough to wake him.
I shook the child a little more firmly, and Aas, frowning, slowly opened his eyes.
“…Einra?”
Very slowly, blurred by drowsiness, his red eyes came into view.
For an instant, I overlapped Aas’s red eyes with Aches’s in my mind, and I instinctively flinched.
It was then that Aas’s eyes grew sharp and vivid.
“D-don’t come near me!”
“Aas…?”
“Don’t look at me!”
Like he was having a seizure, Aas quickly crossed his arms over his face to block me from seeing him.
What wasn’t hidden—his flushed cheeks and reddened ears—were drenched in cold sweat.
“I-I… I look hideous right now…”
Aas mumbled incoherently.
His words were slurred, his voice broken, so it was hard to catch exactly what he was saying.
Worried something might truly go wrong if this continued, I hurriedly reached out to him.
“But Aas…”
“G-go! Don’t come near me!”
He cried out in a trembling voice, as though on the verge of tears.
My steps faltered, but it felt like my presence was only unsettling him further rather than helping.
So, I slowly backed away.
“…Then, Aas, I’ll go, alright?”
“…”
“Remember to breathe, okay?”
“…”
No reply came from Aas.
Swallowing back a sigh, I quietly closed the door.
Clack. The door shut.
Even after it closed, Aches—still covering his face with both arms—kept gasping for breath until finally lowering them.
Tears were streaming down his cheeks. He wiped them away roughly with his sleeve.
“…”
He thought he hadn’t cried in years, but the child’s body, it seemed, couldn’t suppress emotions as well as he wished.
After steadying his breathing, Aches stared down at his damp sleeve, then slid his gaze toward the door Einra had left through.
…It wouldn’t open again, would it?
He had screamed at her to go, told her not to come.
If the door did open again, that would be far stranger.
“…Ha.”
Aches let out a sigh like a groan.
Suddenly, emotions he had forced down for the past five years surged back up.
A strange grief and a stabbing ache welled in his chest.
It was a feeling he always experienced when thinking of Einra.
He ground his teeth so hard it made a faint sound and clutched at his chest.
“Aas, are you okay…?”
The moment he heard that voice, the strength drained from his hands.
Aches froze, holding his breath.
With just those words from beyond the door, the storm of emotions inside him calmed, startlingly so.
“I know you told me to go… sorry. But I’m worried. I’ll just stay here for a little while longer.”
“…”
“If something’s wrong, or if you’re hurting, you have to call me right away, alright?”
At those gentle words, Aches bit his lip.
He etched that voice into his ears again and again, then let himself fall sideways onto the bed.
His soft black hair spilled across the white sheets that shimmered faintly blue under the night.
“…When you say things like that, it makes me feel like it’s okay to act selfishly.”
He muttered, lowering his gaze, and let out a bitter laugh.
“Ridiculous. What am I even…”
Why was he still here?
The mocking smile on his lips faded.
Why?
Was it because he hoped Einra would leave even the smallest chance open for him? Because he wanted to find the faintest possibility?
But if he couldn’t? If he learned there truly was no chance at all?
Then what would he do?
—Would you try to force Einra?
“…Shut up.”
He spat the words like venom between clenched teeth.
“I won’t do anything.”
He repeated it to himself like self-hypnosis.
No expectations. No force. Nothing.
Nothing at all.
‘Hideous thing. Even I, your own mother, shudder when I look at you. Who could ever love such a wretch?’
‘Monster! Get out of my sight! You are not my son. You could never be my son! Aaaargh—!’
The voices of the past, ones he had long dismissed as worthless, returned to him.
No one loved him.
Not even the parents who had given birth to him.
Of course, there were people drawn to his family’s wealth or to his outward shell, but that wasn’t the same as liking him.
That was a fundamental truth to him.
Aches had always accepted it as cold fact.
Sometimes he exploited it to manipulate situations, but never once had he given it emotional weight.
But when he thought Einra might feel the same… his chest ached in a way he couldn’t stand.
“…”
Whenever it came to Einra, he couldn’t control himself.
Aches curled up, clenching his fists tightly.
This chance had come suddenly, out of nowhere.
A chance to live close to Einra—perhaps for the last time.
He could leave at any moment.
But he didn’t want to lose this one opportunity.
So…
“…I won’t do anything.”
He would only stay by her side.
Have calm conversations with her. Share tea with her at leisure.
Drift through her daily life together, quietly.
As long as this chance would allow.
His soft murmur, like a vow to himself, scattered into the air.
Aches slowly closed his eyes.
And he stayed that way until his head cooled.
