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chapter 36
“I… I don’t quite understand what you mean.”
When I looked at Theansis with a confused expression, he drew in a breath, as if unsure how to put his thoughts into words.
Then, in a voice even lower than before, he finally spoke.
“Why did you tell Lady Anox about our appointment?”
Why, he asks?
His question made me think again about why I had given up my date with him to Leijeni.
I didn’t want her to misunderstand the relationship between me and Theansis. More precisely, I didn’t want Theansis to be harmed because of me.
After all, he and I had nothing between us. And we never would. I only wished for his happiness.
“I was worried that, because of me, the two of you might grow distant. Lady Anox suits you so very well, Your Grace—”
“Lady.”
Theansis cut me off, as if unwilling to hear any more. Somehow, his eyes looked far more complicated than they had a moment ago.
I stared at him in silence. Then he continued, speaking softly.
“You said you liked me. You look at me with eyes full of love every time we meet. So why don’t you show even the slightest bit of desire?”
“Ah, that’s…”
“Do you not want to touch me?”
“Excuse me—what?”
What in the world was he saying? I stared at him, utterly startled.
But Theansis didn’t hesitate. He let go of my cheek and instead took hold of my hand, pressing it against his chest.
Through his clothes, I could feel the firm muscles of his torso—and beneath them, the pounding rhythm of his heart.
Thump, thump, thump.
His heartbeat was fast. So fast, in fact, that it reminded me of someone who had just sprinted at full speed.
As I froze, rigid with shock, his voice came again.
“That’s what love is, isn’t it? Don’t you want me by your side, to make me yours?”
Of course I did.
I had thought countless times how wonderful it would be if Theansis were mine.
But I knew all too well that the world didn’t bend to my wishes.
“E-even if I thought that way, acting on one-sided feelings isn’t right. It would be a crime. Why are you even asking me this…?”
“Because you yield too easily. If you like me, then show some desire. Don’t you want to have me?”
“…What?”
Today, I couldn’t understand a single thing Theansis was saying.
He looked deeply upset and dissatisfied, though I couldn’t fathom why. Was it because I didn’t claim him selfishly? But why should that make him upset?
“W-wait. Are you angry because I told Lady Anox where you and I were supposed to meet?”
Theansis paused, then gave a small nod.
“I apologize for that. At the time I thought it was the right thing to do, but looking back, I realize I decided without asking your opinion. I should have at least told you first. I’m sorry.”
His expression finally softened, if only a little. But his eyes, filled with some powerful longing, did not change at all.
I still couldn’t understand why.
“So… are you really upset because I didn’t show any desire for you?”
Theansis looked at me, almost as if at a loss for words—clearly offended, but unsure why he felt so angry.
Silence stretched between us.
I was lost in my own tangled thoughts when at last his low voice broke through.
“…Because it feels unfair.”
“What?”
“You were the one who said you liked me first. You were the one who treated me kindly, without asking for anything in return.”
“Th-that’s true.”
“Then why do you act as if you could let go of me at any moment? The fact that you gave me up to another woman—it makes me unbearably angry.”
“I only thought it would be better for you…”
“Then it feels like I’m the only one burning up inside.”
“…What?”
I stared at him, dumbfounded, wondering if I had misheard. But his violet eyes still wavered as they fixed on me.
“My head is always full of thoughts of you. And yet, after making me like this, you try to hand me over to someone else?”
My mouth hung open, my body frozen.
His words filled me with chaos. No matter how I tried to reason it through, it sounded too much like… he liked me.
‘No, no. That must just be my wishful thinking, right?’
I told myself to think rationally. But…
My heart was already pounding wildly.
Thump, thump, thump.
And then I realized—his heartbeat beneath my palm was racing even faster than before.
Beating just like mine.
I couldn’t say a word. It felt like our hearts were in sync, as if they were one.
In the dim light, his chiseled face looked unreal, and I could hardly believe that the longing in his violet eyes was directed at me.
Gazing only at me, Theansis whispered, voice low and firm.
“So don’t ever give me up like that again.”
My heart beat so fast I thought it might burst.
I don’t even remember how I made it back to my quarters afterward.
After hearing such unexpected words from Theansis, I drifted like I was in a dream.
‘Did he… mean he likes me?’
No, no, impossible.
I shook my head. There was no reason someone like Theansis would like me. A perfect man like him giving me his heart? Unthinkable.
I had nothing. I wasn’t wealthy. I didn’t come from a good family.
Not even my looks could be considered dazzling.
‘I must have misunderstood…’
And yet, I couldn’t dismiss it as a delusion. His face in that moment had been serious.
His low, whispering voice still echoed in my ears.
—Don’t you want to have me?
The memory made me collapse onto my bed, dizzy. It felt like blood was rushing to my head, as if a nosebleed was imminent.
‘What do I do? What do I do?’
I clutched my pillow helplessly when a baffled voice came from nearby.
“What’s going on? Did something happen outside?”
I turned my head to see the cat monster watching me with a sulky expression.
“N-no, nothing happened.”
“Hard to believe that when you look so out of sorts.”
“I told you, it’s nothing.”
I forced myself to act normal, sitting up. But the monster’s suspicious gaze didn’t fade.
I couldn’t tell anyone about what had just happened—not even the cat monster, who didn’t get along with Theansis anyway.
Glancing at the jar where the Munochos had been, I asked,
“By the way, did you eat?”
“I did.”
“Good. But don’t you get tired of only eating Munochos? No other food?”
“I appreciate your concern, Queen, but it’s hard to find food from our world here. Munochos are enough for me. Don’t worry.”
“I see…”
The monster hadn’t stepped outside once since arriving here. I couldn’t help but worry he might be bored.
“Do you… want to go back to the Taran Forest? If you do, I’ll find a way.”
“Forget it. I’m not leaving you here alone.”
The monsters had given me such affection from the start—feelings I still didn’t fully understand.
This cat monster, grumpy as he was, cared for me in his own way. That made me both guilty and grateful.
“Hey, kitty.”
“…What?”
I’d only called him to say thanks, but he looked at me in shock.
“What did you just call me?”
“Kitty.”
“How dare you! That’s what you call cats. Don’t use that on me!”
“You do look like a cat. Or should I call you Nabi, then?”
His eyes widened in indignation.
“You really know nothing about us. I don’t look like a cat—I transformed into one.”
“That’s transformation? Can you turn into other animals too?”
“No. It has to be an animal I can form a bond with.”
“So can all Taran Forest monsters transform like that?”
“Of course not. Each one has different strengths. Even the talented ones usually can’t transform well. And when they do, they end up with, say, a dog’s face and a pig’s body. Only I can do it properly.”
I remembered how massive his body had grown before. Was that his real form?
After a pause, I asked, “What’s your name?”
“Name?”
“Yes. Tell me, so I can call you by it.”
“…I don’t have one.”
“No name? Why?”
“Because no one’s ever called me.”
I was speechless.
I didn’t know much about the forest or the monsters there, but at that moment I knew—he was lonely.
Without thinking, I reached out and patted his head. His deep blue eyes stared right back at me.
“Then let’s give you one now. You’ll need a name.”
“…I suppose.”
He looked oddly shy. The sight was so cute I couldn’t resist teasing him.
“How about just ‘Cat’? Or ‘Kitty’?”
“No! Absolutely not!”
His quick temper made me burst into laughter.
He scowled, realizing I was teasing him.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”
“Hmph. I hate you, Queen.”
“Come on, what should I call you? Don’t you have a name you’d like?”
“…It’s not like I’ll be calling myself. You pick.”
He turned away, sulking, but I could tell he was secretly looking forward to it.
After a moment’s thought, an idea struck me.
“Your eyes are blue. And so are mine. Two blues… How about Luru, short for Blue x2?”
“Tch. What kind of name is that?”
He turned his head away again, feigning disinterest. But the fact that he didn’t outright reject it meant he liked it.
Just to test, I called softly, “Luru.”
“…What?”
Hearing his answer, I smiled warmly. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so lonely with him here.
“It’s late. Let’s sleep.”
“Fine.”
“Turn off the light, Luru.”
“You only ever ask me for things…”
Still grumbling, he leapt nimbly and put out the light.
By then, I was already lying in bed, ready to sleep.
But as soon as I closed my eyes, Theansis’s face floated before me—his chiseled features, his violet eyes, his low whisper.
—Do you not want to touch me?
I threw off the blanket, my face burning just from the thought.
Startled, Luru asked from below the bed, “What now? What’s wrong?”
“I-it’s hot.”
“Just sleep. Or you won’t wake up tomorrow.”
“…Yeah. Goodnight.”
But I couldn’t sleep. My pounding heart insisted I wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon.
Bad premonitions are never wrong.
Because I hadn’t slept until dawn, I woke much later than usual.
If not for the knocking at my door, I might still have been asleep.
Bang, bang, bang!
Someone pounded on my door as if they meant to break it down.
“Is the apothecary teacher inside?”
A man’s voice I didn’t recognize. Strange, for someone to visit this early. I rubbed my drowsy eyes and stood.
Luru followed, wary, but I quickly ordered, “Luru, hide.”
“But—!”
“That’s an order.”
“Tch.”
Only once he disappeared did I open the door.
“Who is it?”
Five guards from Kamar Academy stood outside. Their imposing presence made me blink in confusion.
“You’re the apothecary teacher?”
“Y-yes.”
“You’ll need to come with us.”
“Where?”
They didn’t answer. Instead, they seized my arms and dragged me outside.
“What are you doing?!”
I looked at them in shock, but the lead guard answered in a cold, businesslike tone:
“There’s been a report. A student nearly died after taking medicine from the apothecary. You’ll have to come with us for questioning.”
