DPAA 53

chapter 53

It’s certain now.

I wasn’t originally this kind of person.

“Hey! Do you work here every day too?”

It had been half a year since I dropped out of college.

While doing daily dungeon grind jobs, I met a woman in a similar situation to mine.

Her name was Shin Yuri.

An E-rank combat-type hunter, and a dungeon porter by trade.

“You’re only twenty? You’re so young, and you’re already working in a place like this? That’s amazing.”

“If it ever gets too hard, tell me! I’m only E-rank too, but my stats are still a bit better than yours.”

She was assigned to the same dungeon by chance, and she approached me warmly.

We walked behind the front-line hunters, just the two of us, and ended up talking quite a lot that day.

She told me she’d lost her family in the Gate Disaster too, dropped out of the same university I had, and started working to make a living.

And that, if her only little sister were still alive, she’d be the same age as me.

“Her name was Jiyu. Shin Jiyu.”

She was a little strange, talking about such deep, personal things to someone she’d just met.
But thinking about it, we were in a dungeon — and in dungeons, nothing is strange.

When your walking partner could have their head lopped off the very next second, you stop caring about keeping things light.

In a place like that, anyone’s tongue loosens.

“I hope we can keep in touch even after we get out of here.”

But back then, I wasn’t in the right headspace.
I couldn’t understand why she was showing me so much kindness.

I’d never viewed family as something to love, so hearing that I reminded her of her sister didn’t stir any empathy in me.

Maybe that’s why—

“Hey! Aren’t you the tanker? Get in front!”

“F*** that! We’re all about to die — what good’s a tanker now?!”

“Run for it, just run!”

The dungeon was tougher than expected. The front-line hunters were struggling to use their strength.

“What about the porters?”

“Who cares? We gotta save ourselves first!”

And then, just as they ran off abandoning us — a hideous, spider-like monster lunged at my back, its jaws wide open.

“Jiyu, drop the packs and run—!”

Thwack.

Without thinking, I yanked her arm and switched places with her.

A tearing scream.

Crunch. Rip. Crack. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch!

But the worst part wasn’t the sound of that monster chewing on her body.

“Ah, ahh… aaaaah…”

It was her moans — the fact that she was still alive while her limbs were being torn off.

The resentment toward me for pushing her, the desperate clinging to life, and finally, the faint whimper of someone wishing for death just to end the pain.

Her final face and voice are still burned into my mind — horrifyingly vivid.

Even after I was miraculously rescued by the response team, I was tormented for weeks by nightmares and guilt.

“I killed her. I killed someone just to live.”

If I hadn’t pushed Shin Yuri—

Then—

“I’d have died the same way.”

A cruel, meaningless death that barely counted as living.

The moment that thought hit me, I felt sick with shame — and relief.

But what made me want to puke even more was realizing that if I wanted to eat and keep a roof over my head, I’d have to go back into the dungeon tomorrow.

And realizing that when I first awakened, I wasn’t this kind of cowardly person at all.

When I first awakened as an F-rank, I’d risked my life to save others — fighting two F-rank monsters nearly to death just to protect people.

I wasn’t the kind of lowlife who survived by sacrificing someone else’s precious life.

But in the end, I had to admit it.

“I want to live.”

I wanted to live.

Of course.

No one wants to die this young.

Then how did I want to live?

“Any way I can.”

Even if it meant sacrificing others — I wanted to live.

People could call me scum or rock bottom, but I’d still choose survival.

And in the modern world, “survival” wasn’t just about staying alive — it required money.

As much as possible.

So I dove into dungeon after dungeon after dungeon—

Until I died.

Killed by a spider-type monster identical to the one that killed Shin Yuri that day.

“Ha…”

I rubbed my eyes, clearing the heavy thoughts rising in my mind.

“What a load of f***ed-up memories.”

Let’s be honest — that woman and I only met for one day.
Neither of us had any obligation to throw away our lives for the other.

All that talk about guilt sounds noble, but really—

If I hadn’t pushed her, I would’ve died.
Should I really have sacrificed myself for some stranger I’d just met?

No.

The choice I made then was right.

And at the same time, not right.

“I wasted too much emotion.”

She saved my life. I should’ve just been grateful and moved on.

Besides— that man was…

“Just a character in a book.”

A nameless extra who momentarily blocked the protagonist’s path before being removed.

Assigning moral weight to every death in a world that’s not even real is ridiculous.

Even when I helped Mayna and Aiden, it was only because I could.
If I’d been desperate for my own life, I would’ve been scheming how to strip them clean instead.

Yeah.

“This is who I am.”

Maybe I wasn’t like this originally, but this is what I’ve become.

That part of me — selfish, egocentric, reckless, utterly indifferent to morality — had just been sleeping inside that weak F-rank hunter.

A piece of human trash.

And admitting it feels… refreshing.

Not that I was really denying it in the first place.

“Well then, should I head back?”

If I’m not there when I return, Aiden will probably panic.

* * *

“Eskl—”

“What?”

Canis’s cold tone made Aiden stop in his tracks like a bike hitting the brakes.

He scanned her face quickly and started sweating bullets.

“Wh-what’s with that look?”

“Who knows?”

Her voice was calm, but her expression was the complete opposite — colder than midwinter frost.

Aiden instantly started running through the possibilities.

“Three guesses.”

First — maybe he made her wait too long.

It had taken him almost an hour to come back here after parting from her.

Under the blazing sun, no less.

And yes, that was part of it.

Canis had worried he might come looking for her, so after taking care of the assassin, she’d rushed back to the main road at lightning speed.

From Aiden’s side, though, he’d been navigating an unfamiliar area without a guide and debating how to handle the assassin tailing him — but of course, she didn’t know that.

Expecting her to understand was asking too much.

So what about the other two guesses?

“I guess you didn’t handle it yet.”

Aiden flinched.

She was right. He hadn’t eliminated the pursuer — the assassin.

He easily could have, but didn’t. Which meant he had another motive.

And sharp as she was, Canis picked up on that instantly.

And Aiden realized she had.

“…Lady Eskliff.”

He knew she’d seen right through him.

“How do I talk my way out of this?”

His head was spinning.

He was desperately trying to find a way to calm her down and avoid making things worse when Canis suddenly grabbed his sleeve.

“Hey.”

“Is this the end for me?”

He shut his eyes tight.

Then Canis snapped at him—

“You said you were getting drinks.”

Why did you come back empty-handed?

“…Huh?”

Aiden blinked in confusion.

* * *

The woman — Assassin #2, who’d been tailing Aiden all this time — was growing uneasy.

“Why hasn’t he come back yet?”

When they first split up, she hadn’t thought much of it.

Sure, there was some risk, but in a crowded area like this, the chances of being caught or counterattacked were low.

“He definitely followed the Eskliff girl.”

Things went wrong once Aiden and Canis regrouped.

The male assassin she expected to be hiding somewhere nearby — was gone.

Vanished completely, without a trace.

“Damn it! Where the hell did he go?”

Having worked with him for years, the silence was driving her crazy.

“Tch. When I find him later, he’s getting an earful.”

Still, she couldn’t just abandon the mission to go looking for him.

So she refocused her gaze on Aiden and Canis, watching them intently.

And then—

“…Huh?”

They were gone.

Her whole body went cold.

A soft hand rested gently on her shoulder.

“Peekaboo.”

She screamed — but no sound came out.