TPWSM 96

Chapter 96

Surprisingly, the duke looked calm.

I had expected him to get angry the moment he saw me. Sneaking away with even a single brooch just to meet me again was mean-spirited.

The duke walked steadily toward me. As his large frame closed the distance, my lips dried.

Would I really be able to throw off the robe, wig, and veil today? Could I, as Alisa Lasantia, confess everything to him as I had resolved?

Tell him it was all me. While you treated me as if I wore a mask, I was answering with complete falsehoods too.

…It was obvious he would be shocked.

Maybe that shock would remain on him like a deep bruise.

I was scared. What if the tenderness in his gaze cooled entirely?

I remembered his eyes on the wedding day—when I had glanced at him. They had looked like a lifeless winter desert. What if they returned to that barren look?

Such a cruel fork in the road. A cowardly thought crept in: maybe it would be better to remain silent forever.

No. I told myself I wouldn’t deceive any longer.

I clenched my fist and shook my head hard. I lifted my chin at the man who had come close without me noticing.

[It seems so. This will probably be the last time I see you.]

Soon, I would meet him as his wife.

Unaware, the duke smiled faintly and began to match his step with mine.

As we left the tavern area, he took an oil lamp from inside his cloak and handed it to me. Our hands brushed slightly while I accepted it. That brief contact made me flinch without meaning to.

[Why are you startled?]

He asked. I quickly shook my head.

I was wearing gloves, so there had been no bare-skin contact. Hah—how ridiculous and pathetic I felt, all tensed up like that.

I stole a glance at his profile as we walked side by side. Unlike me, he looked peaceful.

[I should be the one saying thank you first, I think.]

He said, looking down at me.

[What are you thanking me for? We didn’t part on good terms last time, did we?]

I busied my hands and answered curtly, pretending nonchalance.

A quiet smile slipped from behind the cloth that covered his mouth.

[Because you pushed me, my wife led me onto the right path in the end.]

The duke paused, then spoke again with a gesture.

[You were right about everything. I should have confessed earlier—to my wife and to my sister as well.]

A chill wind blew from somewhere. Stray hairs from my tightly pinned wig kept sweeping my cheek. Even with the robe, goosebumps rose on my forearms.

The bright moonlight dimmed unexpectedly. As the surroundings grew darker, the duke raised his head and looked to the sky.

“It looks like bad weather.”

He muttered softly.

The clouds had swallowed the moonlight when I glanced up. There hadn’t been a cloud in the sky earlier this evening; as the seasons shifted, the weather turned moody.

The thought of rain made my heart more agitated. I only hoped the drops would be a little late.

I lowered my eyes again. The duke was watching me—waiting for my answer, it seemed.

[Did you tell your wife and sister everything I asked you to?]

[…It wasn’t difficult. I simply explained my circumstances and the stories tied to my past one by one.]

He answered with a sigh tinged with self-mockery.

[So, how did it go?]

[What I worried about didn’t happen at all. Both of them listened to me to the end and accepted the truth without resistance. There was no reason to hide… not even one single thing.]

He grabbed the lapel of his robe hard. His face flushed as if someone were choking him. His brows knit tightly.

He looked as if he could not bear the guilt and self-contempt.

[I had never thought of relying on anyone else. I believed my sister and the nurse were things I had to shoulder alone. I was obsessed that no one could find out.]

The duke gestured and spoke, blaming himself.

I touched the brooch that I had tucked deep into my pocket and looked at him.

[I turned away from the person who had waited quietly by my side… and groped for something far away.]

Pain radiated from his faintly trembling fingertips.

I hadn’t intended to make him feel guilty. Seeing him suffer made me falter. I kept wanting to postpone the moment I’d remove the veil.

“My mother’s dying words were an excuse. She said not to trust anyone—she indoctrinated me that only I could be responsible for Mel.”

The duke stopped signing and spoke aloud.

It was the story of his mother, Nadia—something I, a pawnbroker, could not bring myself to mention.

To him, the deaf pawnbroker might be like a bamboo grove in an old folktale.

He shook his head once and resumed speaking.

“I was always alone, so I thought I’d always be alone. I concluded selfishly that Mel would have only me. But… that was not so. She had been connected to Mel even earlier than I had. The two of them were bound to meet someday. I was blocking that without knowing a thing.”

He kept talking about me. Listening, my chest tightened and my jaw trembled.

Wearing the mask of a pawnbroker, I couldn’t react to his words.

He inhaled deeply, raised both hands, and signed again.

[Thank you. If it had been any later, I would have remained a foolish man, missing the most important thing. The person who had come only from afar was by my side.]

His heartfelt gestures made my heart even heavier.

[It was my wife.]

He finally confessed.

Even on a night when the moon had been swallowed by clouds, his pupils shone brightly. No jewel in the world could imitate that light.

I stopped dead in my tracks. His earnest gestures weighed on me; I couldn’t move.

Cold sweat ran down my spine.

The more he revealed his inner feelings, the harder it became to reveal my identity. It felt like karma piling up in real time.

[My wife walked silently into even the darkest shadows of my life. She’s my light, my salvation.]

I squeezed my eyes shut.

That’s me. I’m the one. If he keeps talking, I’ll die of embarrassment—please stop.

If he continued like this, he wouldn’t be able to handle discovering that the pawnbroker was me.

[Is that so?]

I cut off his signing and took a step forward.

I didn’t know why I kept walking toward Sir Julio’s house.

I was no different from the duke of before. I kept wanting to run from the truth even as it stood before me.

The duke took the oil lamp from me and matched his pace.

“The one who has carried everything alone all this time wasn’t me… it was her.”

His words drifted into the air like mutters.

Maybe I kept the veil on, pretending not to hear, because I wanted to hear this voice again and again.

“I tried to hide everything from such a person. It was childish pride—I didn’t want to be her weakness. I thought I had nothing to give her.”

I wanted to contradict him.

Why would you say you had nothing to give?

You’ve already given me so much.

Even if the people of this territory hated me, you were the one who recognized my sincerity. You brought me the child I thought I’d lost forever. You let me hold him in my arms again.

Isn’t it I who should be grateful? Even though I never wanted marriage, I have an amazing man and the child who saved me in the forest beside me.

“I thought that dreams would never be for me. Life was only about surviving day by day.”

He revisited his past. No need to ask to know why. Serving as a lord’s knight hadn’t been a choice for his own pleasure. He’d been a boy trapped in an imperial harem his whole life. To provide for his little sister on the island where they fled, physical labor had likely been his only option.

“But for the first time, I wanted to be a good man. Before standing as the ruler of this country… I wanted to stand tall. I wanted to be the kind of man who would suit a woman at his side.”

The duke nodded as if making a vow. His monologue took on stronger determination.

My hand, gripping the brooch in my pocket, was soaked with sweat.

He had exposed his identity, believing I couldn’t hear him.

I wanted to raise my hand and stop his mouth at once. But my arm felt weak. His overflowing sincerity about me was unbearably sweet.

I couldn’t believe it. Could someone like me inspire purpose in his life? Could my existence mean so much to him?