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Chapter 85
Absurd Kindness
Suicide? What nonsense?
Diana looked at Rogafl, standing before her. His eyes squeezed shut as if in pain. Then he opened them again, filled with murderous intent, glaring at Lady Kragel.
“Why bring up that story here?”
“Because the way you grovel like a dog before Her Majesty the Queen—it looks like that’s the reason.”
Rogafl nearly swung his sword in rage. But Diana raised her hand to stop him.
“Sir Rogafl. That’s enough. Do you plan to shed blood here?”
Her words snapped him back to reason. Still glaring at Lady Kragel, he sheathed his sword and bowed.
“My apologies.”
Diana turned her gaze toward Lady Kragel, who was watching with a smirk tugging at her lips.
“What? Your Majesty the Queen? I don’t apologize.”
“Lady Kragel!”
“Because it’s true, isn’t it? Her Majesty is acting foolish.”
Rogafl ground his teeth, his face flushed red with fury, though he held back in front of Diana. Diana tilted her chin slightly, as if inviting Lady Kragel to continue.
“That fox is stripping away all of Your Majesty’s power right in front of your eyes, and you’re just going to sit there and watch?”
She was fuming. Diana couldn’t understand why she was so angry.
“If I did have such thoughts, then I am sorry. I will apologize then.”
Saying she doesn’t apologize, then turning around and saying she would apologize—Diana found it ridiculous. Of course, Lady Kragel probably knew Diana wasn’t being serious. Diana, knowing exactly what the woman wanted, gave a faint smile.
“Lady Kragel. If I had been the Lady of Panborough, such things would never have happened.”
“……”
“Neither Lady Levian, who is slyly stealing my place bit by bit… nor you, a lady who dares wag her tongue and insult me openly, would’ve been left unchecked.”
Lady Kragel flinched at that. Diana didn’t know what expression she wore herself, only that she tried to speak evenly, without emotion.
“Do you know why I treat you with respect, Lady Kragel? From the first time we met, you naturally accepted it.”
Diana did not look at her. Even in her past life, she had spoken politely to them. Why, she didn’t know. No one had told her to. But it happened that way. Even now, they so easily accepted the Queen’s courtesy. Why?
Lady Kragel cried out as if wronged.
“So you’re saying it’s my fault? You humbled yourself too much, Your Majesty, and now you’re blaming me?”
“I am the daughter of a criminal. My cursed father enslaved His Majesty the King, forcing him to suffer unbearable humiliation.”
“……”
“No matter what I do, no matter how far I run, I cannot change the fact that I am of his blood. I am the daughter of a criminal. That means I have no legitimacy to be Queen.”
Lady Kragel bit her lip.
“What foundation do I have to stand on? You say I cannot tell enemy from ally? No. I only ever had enemies. Every glance cast at me was nothing more than surveillance, watching for a chance to condemn me.”
“……”
“In this conquered land, with no foundation of my own, how could I ever stand against the Duchy of Levian, the ruling lords of this land?”
“……”
“It’s like telling an unarmed, powerless child to fight against a knight in full armor with a sword.”
Lady Kragel scoffed.
“And that’s your excuse? At least don’t be stupid enough to just take it.”
“……”
“Are all Panborough people this pathetic? Thanks for the long list of excuses.”
Diana still couldn’t understand why Lady Kragel was so furious and mocking. The lady frowned deeply.
“Why do you lock yourself away like some tragic heroine? No weapon? Everyone knows His Majesty the King lives and dies for you—don’t you?”
“……That isn’t real.”
“Real or not, you should at least use it.”
Diana wondered how to speak to her about fate. In her past life she had experienced the same. The prophecy had said: things may change, but they cannot be altered—and so it was. She knew there were things that could not be changed.
How could she explain this helplessness?
How could she explain this loneliness?
She couldn’t. Without speaking of what she had endured, no one would ever understand. Then Lady Kragel said:
“You’ve let me speak so insolently all this time because you’re keeping me to check Lady Levian, haven’t you?”
“……”
“You haven’t given up everything—so why are you so powerless?”
Lady Kragel knew well. Diana could never bring herself to send her away. That was her small rebellion. And Lady Kragel knew it too well.
Nothing she did would ever be understood.
This was a foreign land, where every eye watched her only to condemn.
Lady Kragel muttered irritably.
“Honestly, just being near Your Majesty drives me crazy. That person said you were decent, so I tried to endure, but I can’t anymore. I’m done.”
She stormed out, slamming the door behind her. Diana let out a weary sigh.
“Your Majesty, I apologize.”
Rogafl, who had quietly witnessed everything, spoke to her softly.
“Why do you apologize, Sir?”
His expression was clouded. At some point, he had stopped trying to restrain Lady Kragel’s insolence. Diana, choosing not to press on it, replied lightly.
“You told Lady Kragel that I was a good person, didn’t you? I don’t think I’ve ever been a good person to you, Sir.”
Diana spoke bitterly. Rogafl shook his head firmly.
“No, not at all! Your Majesty is a good person. I know it.”
But she wasn’t. She had never done him a favor. Where did such kindness come from?
“As for Lady Kragel, I will report her to His Majesty so she may be disciplined. But… could you show her a little mercy?”
His timid tone surprised Diana. Just moments ago he had nearly drawn his sword to kill, yet now he spoke so softly?
“Because you know each other?”
“Well… yes.”
He lowered his head, his voice weak.
“It wasn’t Your Majesty she wanted to condemn.”
“……”
“She wanted to condemn my late sister.”
“Your sister?”
At Diana’s question, Rogafl lifted his head and gave a bitter smile.
“Lady Kragel was my sister’s friend.”
Ah, the sister who had committed suicide. Diana chose not to ask further—these were matters one wished to keep hidden. But as her expression stiffened, Rogafl went on.
“And forgive me, but Your Majesty resembles her. I was startled when I first saw you.”
Resembled… his sister who had taken her own life? Diana looked at him in silence, her expression hard. He continued awkwardly.
“My sister too was forced into a marriage she did not want. She had someone she loved, but was made to wed for politics.”
All nobles married for politics. Diana almost cut him off, but he seemed intent on speaking, so she listened.
“After a bitter fight with our father, he threatened to kill the man she loved. So she wept, and married.”
“……”
“She accepted it in the end. But her husband was vile. He kept a mistress. My sister suffered unspeakable humiliations… and in the end, she killed herself.”
It was as if he were speaking of Diana herself. Now she understood why he thought she resembled his sister—their lives had mirrored each other.
“I visited a few times, and she pretended to be fine.”
“……”
“If she had asked for help, I would’ve given it. No matter how harsh Father was, if he had known the torment she endured, he would not have abandoned her. Even if I was the youngest, even if I was too little, I would’ve done something…”
“……”
“She could’ve asked her friend for help. She could’ve confided in the powerless lover she left behind. But she never did.”
His tone was steady, without tears.
“She thought Father hated her, so he wouldn’t help. I was too young, so she didn’t ask me. Our other sisters belonged to other families, so she didn’t ask them. Lady Kragel had opposed the marriage, so she didn’t ask her either. To the man she loved, she wanted to seem happy, so she kept silent. Every reason fed her helplessness.”
Diana understood what he was trying to say. She thought about his sister—forced into marriage, slowly wasting away. So much like herself. That peril must have moved his heart.
“Serving as Your Majesty’s guard, I’ve seen much. I know how forgiving you’ve been toward the knights’ disrespect. I know how insolent Lady Levian is, like a snake waiting for your seat. I know how you’ve endured every unfairness, always saying it was fine.”
“……”
“But Your Majesty, I am afraid. Afraid that you will die as my sister did.”
“……”
“So please… just like that day when we traveled to the capital together, when you leapt to escape the monsters—couldn’t you try a little, just a little?”
Rogafl pleaded desperately. Diana’s eyes widened. Was her resemblance to his sister enough to earn such kindness? But she knew too—just as there are those who hate for absurd reasons, there are those who offer kindness for absurd reasons as well.
“I…”
In her past life, she had driven him to death. So why…?
Her gaze trembled as she looked at Rogafl’s face.
