MOD 15

Chapter 15

That night, Seo-young could hardly fall asleep.

Though the lights were already off, she remained lying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. In the silent room, only the ticking sound of the clock’s second hand echoed softly.

Past midnight, just as her exhausted body was barely coaxing her into sleep, a knock sounded from outside the door.

Seo-young forced herself up with difficulty.

“Seo-young, are you asleep?”

At the sound of Su-ae’s voice from outside, Seo-young slowly raised her head.

The sobbing she had heard earlier in front of the hospital room resurfaced in her mind.

Along with the image of her mother weeping while clutching her sister’s hand, calling her ‘my daughter.’

Seo-young quietly swallowed her breath before speaking.

“No. I was just about to sleep.”

The door opened and Su-ae stepped inside. Seo-young involuntarily straightened her back. It was because her mother had almost never visited her room this late at night.

Su-ae sat by the bedside in silence. After staring at Seo-young’s face for a long while, she slowly raised her hand and stroked her hair.

“Our Seo-young, you’ll do well.”

It was a gentle voice. Seo-young was speechless for a moment. Today was the very first time her mother had called her ‘Seo-young’ instead of ‘Joo-young.’ It was far too distinct to be a mistake. And right now, she was looking at her like this and even stroking her hair.

At that warm touch, a corner of her heart throbbed with a painful ache. It was something she had desperately wished for countless times since childhood—to be hugged just once when she was sick, to be praised for doing well, and to have her name called out affectionately just like this.

While these were things taken for granted by others, to Seo-young, they had always felt distantly out of reach.

Was that why? At that single touch, her frozen heart began to thaw bit by bit.

Ah… Mom worries about me too.

At that thought, the rims of her eyes burned hot. The words she had heard in front of the hospital room today, along with her hurt feelings, were momentarily forgotten.

For this moment at least, she felt as though she were truly her mother’s daughter.

It was right then.

“Seo-young.”

Su-ae spoke hesitantly.

“Later on… if by any chance Joo-young wakes up….”

Trailing off, Su-ae briefly cast her eyes downward.

“The hospital says there’s no hope, but I believe it. Our Joo-young will definitely wake up. That’s what Mom thinks.”

Seo-young looked at Su-ae in silence.

“So….”

Su-ae parted her lips with difficulty.

“When that time comes, give that place back to her.”

Seo-young’s eyes shook violently.

“That place originally belongs to Joo-young, after all.”

In an instant, time seemed to freeze. The touch that had felt warm just a moment ago seemed to turn icy cold.

Su-ae still wore an affectionate face. However, the destination of that affection was not her.

From the beginning, to the very end.

The only daughter her mother was waiting for was Han Joo-young.

Seo-young froze, unable to utter a single word. It felt as though a side of her chest was slowly crumbling down.

Just moments ago, her mother had been looking at her so tenderly. She had dared to harbor expectations for a fleeting moment at that touch. Yet in the end, what returned to her was her sister’s name once again.

“Mom….”

At the trembling voice, Su-ae raised her head indifferently.

“Hmm?”

Seo-young couldn’t easily continue speaking. After parting her lips several times, she finally forced out her words.

“Why… was I even born?”

“What?”

Su-ae’s eyes shook wildly. Biting her lower lip, Seo-young barely managed to lift her head. The corners of her eyes were already red and wet with tears.

“Why did you give birth to me?”

“Seo-young, what on earth are you talking about all of a sudden?”

Seo-young swallowed her breath for a moment. Then, one by one, she began to pull out the words she had buried deep inside her heart.

“I… ever since I was little, I was envious of my sister.”

Unable to hold it in any longer, Seo-young dropped her head.

“In Mom and Dad’s eyes, it was always only sister. I’m equally Mom’s daughter, equally Dad’s daughter… so why did I always have to stand behind?”

Hot tears slowly trailed down her cheeks.

“Why couldn’t I be loved like sister, even for once? What did I do so wrong?”

The room fell dead silent. Only Seo-young’s tear-choked voice remained softly in the air.

“I heard it at the hospital today. Mom’s voice weeping while calling her ‘our daughter’…. That daughter was sister. What am I to you, Mom?”

Su-ae’s face turned pale. Without even thinking of wiping her tears, Seo-young stared straight at her.

“Can I… never be your daughter, Mom?”

Su-ae chose silence. Even after waiting for minutes, no answer flowed out from her mother’s firmly closed lips.

Letting out a trembling breath, Seo-young spoke up once more.

“When I was young, I thought that if I did just a little bit better, Mom would hug me too. I thought if I studied hard, if I became an obedient daughter, you would look at me at least once, just like you did with sister.”

She bit her lip tightly.

“I just wanted to be… a daughter to Dad and Mom, too.”

Her voice was thoroughly steeped in long-accumulated sorrow.

“Even so, I thought it was okay. I told myself that since I had parents too, I would be loved someday, comforting myself like that.”

The emotions she had held back for so long could no longer hold out and collapsed completely.

“But listening to what Mom said today….”

Seo-young parted her lips with great effort.

“It feels like I am someone who should never have been born.”

At that moment—SLAP!

Su-ae’s eyes filled with deep hatred.

Before Seo-young could even react in shock, Su-ae’s hand struck Seo-young’s cheek with force. Seo-young’s head turned helplessly to the side. Her cheek stung with heat, but she felt no physical pain. It felt as though her mind had gone completely blank.

“M-Mom….”

Su-ae was crying as well. However, what was held in her face was not sympathy. It was deep resentment and anger. She opened her mouth in a trembling voice.

“Yes. You should never have been born.”

Seo-young’s eyes quivered violently. She doubted her own ears. She couldn’t believe what her mother had just said or if she had heard it correctly.

“If it weren’t for you, our Joo-young wouldn’t have ended up like that.”

Weeping, Su-ae shook her head.

“When you were little, the shaman said it. That only if we sent you far away would there be no misfortune in our household…. We should have really sent you away back then. That… I still regret that so much.”

Seo-young couldn’t even catch her breath. It felt as though the very center of her chest was being slowly torn apart. The word she had wanted to hear even just once in her whole life was ‘I love you,’ but what returned to her was that she should never have been born.

“Mom… what are you saying right now….”

Her trembling voice barely managed to leak out. But Su-ae spoke coldly.

“So you must play Joo-young’s role properly. That is the job you must do. That is the only thing an extra like you, born as a bonus, can do for our family.”

Seo-young stared at Su-ae blankly. Tears continued to stream down, but she didn’t even think to wipe them away.

Only then did she seem to understand.

Why her mother had stroked the head of her fully grown child like a substitute doll while saying she would do well. And why she herself had always been lonely. What the reason was behind that void that could never be filled no matter how hard she tried.

From the very beginning, she was not a daughter born to be loved.

Just something that could substitute for Joo-young.

That was her place in her mother’s mind.

After staring at Seo-young with hollow eyes for a moment, Su-ae turned around without saying a word.

The sound of the door closing echoed loudly in the quiet room.

Left all alone, Seo-young couldn’t move for a long while. Staring blankly at the closed door, she slowly raised her hand and cupped her cheek.

The spot where she was slapped was still numb and stinging. Yet the place that truly hurt was not her cheek. The very center of her chest felt hollow and cold.

Seo-young bit her lip tightly.

Just a while ago, she had been happy that her mother called her ‘Seo-young.’ For that brief moment when her hair was stroked, she had wanted to believe that she, too, was being loved.

But that was an illusion.

Seo-young slowly curled her body inward.

Even though she tried to hold it in, tears kept leaking out.

In the dark room, only her faint sobs lingered for a very long time.