TMLOP 45

chapter 45

Beneruccia knew he shouldn’t be saying this to Lucalina, yet the words came out anyway.

“Still… I hope something like today never happens again.”

“…Ben.”

It was only natural that Lucalina’s expression hardened.

“I clearly rejected your confession.”

But Beneruccia deliberately averted his gaze from her face and continued.

To be honest, even now, the thought of chasing after Senelia was far stronger in his mind than worrying about the Lucalina standing before him.

However, if he didn’t make his stance absolutely clear, something like today would surely happen again.

That was the only reason he hadn’t immediately gone after Senelia.

“But with you confessing in front of everyone, word about you and me will spread across the capital in no time.”

And not just any rumor—it would be scandal about two war heroes.

Beneruccia had returned victorious from the battlefield before even reaching adulthood, and with Cliffd having no children, he was first in line to inherit the throne—and the only candidate.

That alone made him stand out in people’s eyes. But Lucalina was also the most celebrated war hero of the moment—

The victor who had brought an end to an eleven-year-long war.

Of course people would be just as interested in her.

Now, with the two of them tangled together like this, how could the gossip rags not explode?

“…Even though it’s not something I ever wanted.”

Lucalina’s face flushed red in an instant.

Beneruccia was pointing out that her confession—done without his consent—was causing him considerable harm.

Public confessions were only positive when both sides were certain and the other person would be happy.

“The only reason I came here with you, Luna, was because I didn’t want to humiliate you in front of all those people—not because I intended to accept your confession.”

A public confession without the other person’s agreement was nothing more than pressuring them under the gaze of the crowd.

After all, not many people could humiliate someone who had just confessed to them in front of an audience.

“So don’t ever—”

“Are you telling me not to confess to you ever again?”

Before Beneruccia could finish, Lucalina cut him off.

“…I… Ben, I thought you would… that you would wait for me.”

Lucalina’s emotions spilled out before she could stop them.

“That’s… that’s how I was able to survive in that hellish place.”

She had lived for eleven years in a place where people killed and were killed.

While other knights in the army either died, renounced their knighthood, or found some way to return home, Lucalina never did.

A defeated soldier.

She knew Cliffd would welcome it if she lost her position in disgrace.

That would mean Lucalina could no longer help Beneruccia.

Some called her ruthless for never once retreating in that long war.

But that didn’t mean she had been fine all along.

How could she have been fine?

She endured—because she believed Beneruccia would be waiting for her.

But when, upon returning, he told her he didn’t love her—only she could truly know how devastating that felt.

“You said you’d wait.”

Lucalina bit back the tears that were rising.

The day Beneruccia left for the battlefield. The day Lucalina left for the battlefield.

They had sworn two things to each other:

That they would return alive, no matter what.
That they would wait for each other, without fail.

Now was the time for that promise to be fulfilled.

But he had changed.

And the moment she had longed for was mercilessly shattered.

“Your fate is with me, Ben.”

Lucalina covered her face with both hands, unable to show her collapsing expression.

The reason she had been able to endure was above all because she believed that, in the end, she and he would be together.

But now that it had crumbled, Lucalina broke apart without limit.

Seeing her like that, Beneruccia lowered his head.

He couldn’t even bring himself to face her.

He bit down hard on the inside of his mouth.

The taste of iron spread across his tongue.

A heavy guilt tightened around his throat.

Yes—originally, Beneruccia should have loved Lucalina.

That was his atonement, his duty.

“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Luna.”

But after a long silence, that was all he could say.

Because love couldn’t be forced into existence.

If it were possible, he would never have swallowed his pride and begged so desperately the first time in his life.

“…I love Senelia.”

Beneruccia knew his words were as cruel as they could be to Lucalina.

But that was the only truth he could speak.

“Haah… haah… haah…”

The moment the carriage door closed, Senelia’s breathing grew ragged.

No matter how hard she struggled, this miserable situation only kept rushing toward the worst possible outcome.

She hated herself.

Hated that she was running away from this situation.

Hated that she was powerless to do anything about it.

Hated that she couldn’t endure it.

She hated herself so, so much.

‘I wanted to see if you really loved me.’

Beneruccia’s words flashed through her mind—it was no coincidence.

Senelia mocked herself.

If someone couldn’t even love themselves, how could they possibly love another?

“Hhh… hhh…”

She kept gasping for breath.

As the carriage rattled along, nausea churned in her stomach and ringing filled her ears.

Perhaps it was lucky she hadn’t eaten anything—at least she wasn’t vomiting all over the carriage.

Beeeeeeep—

Even with the ringing in her ears, she thought:

What were Beneruccia and Lucalina doing right now?

Had Cliffd learned that Lucalina confessed to Beneruccia?

Would she have to face Cliffd again today?

Ah—those hopeless thoughts were like stabbing a knife into herself.

The more she imagined, the dizzier she became.

By the time the carriage stopped, Senelia could hardly stand on her own two feet.

She had no strength to open the carriage door.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Are you all right?”

If someone hadn’t knocked from outside, she might have been stuck inside for much longer.

But when she didn’t answer for some time, the door opened from the outside.

“Gasp! Lady Daphnen!!!”

A familiar yet unfamiliar voice rang out.

It wasn’t her maid.

Cold sweat covered her body, her vision swam with the headache.

When she lifted her head, she saw red hair.

None of her maids had red hair.

“Stay with us, L—Lady Daphnen…!”

“Fetch… the cleric… quickly… now!”

Urgent voices crashed against her ears and scattered away.

She could no longer make out the words clearly—they grew distant.

“…contact… quickly…!”

That was the last thing she heard before she lost consciousness.

When Senelia opened her eyes again, she was staring up at a familiar—but unwelcome—ceiling.

“Selie, are you awake?”

It was Beneruccia’s room.

Even under the gentle light of the chandelier, he glittered in her eyes.

Only then did she remember—the carriage she had taken to the dress shop belonged to the Grand Duke’s household.

Of course she had been brought back to the Grand Duke’s residence.

“Ah…”

Quick thinking was something Senelia had learned over eight years.

The moment she woke, she grasped the situation and bit her lip hard.

From an objective point of view, the only reason she was in this state was because Beneruccia and Lucalina had faced each other.

What would he think of her like this?

She was angry at herself for panicking and forgetting whose carriage she was in.

“…I’m sorry. For showing such an unsightly side. Sometimes this just happens. No real reason.”

She rushed to make excuses.

She had no idea how to smooth over this situation.

“Stop.”

But Beneruccia cut off her words.

Frowning, he took her hand.

“You collapsed. Why are you the one apologizing? Why are you making excuses?”

His face was filled with frustration.

He swallowed a sigh with effort.

He knew she didn’t want to show weakness in front of him.

Before, he hadn’t known what to call the surge of emotion he felt at such times.

But now he understood.

Every time Senelia acted like this, he felt sadness—and like he couldn’t breathe.

Had he truly given her so little trust in eight years?

Thinking back on his own actions, he could only mock himself.

Even if Senelia didn’t trust him, Beneruccia had no right to complain.

And so—

“The cleric came… Selie, they said your fainting isn’t from any physical illness… it’s probably from mental strain.”

Beneruccia’s voice was infinitely cautious.

Because the only person he could think of who might have caused her such strain… was himself.

Even Baron Daphnen’s sudden collapse in the carriage wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t stirred up needless scandal.

And thinking about it, the fact that she had left him alone with Lucalina… wasn’t that also his fault?

Senelia knew that the person Beneruccia was waiting for was Lucalina.

And he had never bothered to deny it.

If he wasn’t trying to emotionally crush someone, such behavior was unforgivable.

Even if it had been to deceive Cliffd’s eyes.

He couldn’t even bring himself to say “I’m sorry” anymore.

When he had rejected Lucalina, he had been certain he would keep Senelia by his side no matter what.

But now, seeing her collapse again, his heart wavered.

“…Selie, would it be enough… if I were the only one to let go?”

It was enough to make him say something like that.