IMT 10

Chapter 10

My eyes met Countess Letel’s.

She stood frozen like a statue, her eyes wide with shock as if she couldn’t believe what I had just said.

Joshua looked just as stunned. His already large eyes grew even wider as he stared at me.

“Mama?”

Ignoring the child, I looked only at Countess Letel.

“What are you doing, Countess? I told you to take him to Her Majesty the Empress.”

It broke my heart to hear Joshua’s tearful voice, but I couldn’t let my pity for him make him even more confused about his mother.

“Now.”

At my firm command, Countess Letel picked Joshua up.

“Understood, Lady Rin.”

Joshua struggled desperately to break free from her arms.

“Mama! I’m going to Mama! Mama! Let go! Let go! Let me gooo!”

His face turned bright red as he screamed, stretching both arms toward me, trying to reach me.

But I simply turned my head away.

Even after Countess Letel carried Joshua out of the room, I could still hear his crying for a long time.

I covered my ears tightly with both hands.

It hurt so much to ignore the cries of the child I had loved all this time.

But no matter how much I thought about it, this was what was best for the Joshua who would remain behind.

He’s still little. Once he receives all the love and affection of his real mother, someone like me will be forgotten before long.

It’s okay. This is for Joshua’s sake.

I had only done what needed to be done, yet my chest ached and tears welled up.

One drop.

Then another.

Soon they streamed down my cheeks.

I’m sorry, Joshua.

Just endure it a little longer.

Your real mama will be with you very soon.

Wiping away my tears with the back of my hand, I imagined Joshua smiling brightly in Eunsu’s embrace.

Then I collapsed face-first onto the bed.

The floor was a complete mess, covered with spilled food and drinks, but I couldn’t bring myself to clean it.

My tears poured down like rain.

The pillow became soaked, but that discomfort was nothing compared to the agony of having to tear a crying child away from me.

It’s okay.

It’s okay.

Eunsu…

Kind, gentle Eunsu will love Joshua.

Thinking that, my consciousness suddenly faded away.

“Lady Rin, please wake up.”

I slowly opened my eyes at the voice that had called me several times.

Outside the window, darkness had already fallen.

What…

I fell asleep again?

I was startled.

I had thought I had gotten enough sleep, but apparently not.

Perhaps I had been far more exhausted than I realized.

Had I been pushing myself without noticing?

For the past three years in the Imperial Palace of Creras, I had lived every day under constant tension.

I was convinced this was the place least likely to attract the attention of Vivace’s new queen, Krita.

Even so, it was never somewhere I could truly relax.

“Are you awake, Lady Rin?”

“Ah… I’m sorry, Countess. Did I sleep for a long time?”

Taking the cold towel she offered, I wiped my face before sitting up.

“Not at all. His Majesty has invited you to dinner and sent a dress, jewelry, and shoes as gifts. Shall we help you get dressed?”

She wore her usual gentle smile, but somehow her face looked sorrowful to me.

The question Is Joshua alright? rose to my throat.

“Your face is quite swollen, especially around your eyes. Would you like to lie down again? It may help if I massage them.”

“Thank you, Countess.”

I obediently lay back down as she instructed.

With gentle hands, she carefully massaged around my eyes before placing the cold towel over my eyelids.

I hesitated several times before finally asking,

“Joshua… is he alright? He cried a lot, didn’t he?”

The Countess hesitated as well before answering after a long pause.

“Yes. He cried a great deal. But I brought him to Her Majesty, so I’m sure he’ll be alright.”

Ah…

So Countess Letel had taken him to Eunsu.

Thank goodness.

Finally relieved, I let all the tension leave my body.

At the same time, in the Emperor’s office.

Mikhail looked at the small child sitting on top of his desk, crying uncontrollably.

The only word Joshua kept repeating was, “Mama.”

Mikhail knew exactly who the child was calling for.

Unlike himself, who had always found children awkward and difficult, Rin had adored Joshua from the very beginning.

She had never given birth to a child or raised one before, yet she was astonishingly good with him.

Honestly, she could have found work as a nanny without any trouble.

It was only natural that a child who longed for his absent mother would become attached to someone who showered him with affection.

And it was equally natural for such a child to mistake his caregiver for his mother.

But they couldn’t allow that misunderstanding to continue forever.

Eunsu had returned.

More importantly, it was absolutely unacceptable to keep forcing the sick Rin to care for Joshua.

Before greater confusion and unhappiness could arise, Mikhail resolved to tell the child the truth.

“Joshua.”

At Mikhail’s call, Joshua lowered his hands from his face and looked up.

His tear-streaked cheeks were flushed red, making his complexion appear even darker, and his eyes looked especially black.

A face that was the very image of Eunsu’s.

“Mama… the person you’ve been calling Mama until now…”

Mikhail stopped speaking.

Thinking about the shock the child would receive made the words difficult to say.

But if everything was to return to its proper place, then a little pain now was something they had to endure.

After steeling himself, he continued.

“She isn’t your real mama.”

Joshua’s eyes flew wide open, and fresh tears spilled from them.

“What do you mean?”

“Mama isn’t your real mama. You have another mama.”

As Mikhail repeated himself, Joshua shook his head desperately, looking as though his entire world had collapsed.

“That’s a lie! Mama is Joshua’s mama!”

Watching the stubborn, hostile child, Mikhail suddenly remembered Rin patiently teaching Joshua how to speak.

Joshua had been unusually slow to learn.

The child used to express everything through crying and tantrums.

It had been Rin who read picture books to him every day, teaching him how to speak.

If it weren’t for her, I probably couldn’t even be having this conversation with him.

“No, Joshua. The person you called Mama is Rin. Rin… was someone I hired to take care of you in place of your mother.”

“Hired?”

“That’s right. It means I paid her to do a job. But now… she’s stopped doing that job.”

Joshua blinked repeatedly while staring at Mikhail.

Then, as if remembering something, he hurriedly asked,

“Why? Is it ’cause you don’t have money? Joshua has money. Joshua’ll pay her.”

It was exactly the kind of conclusion a child would make.

But money was something Mikhail had more than enough of.

Smiling gently, he shook his head.

“No, Joshua. I have plenty of money. That’s not the reason. Rin is sick.”

“She’s sick? Mama’s sick?”

Tears immediately welled up in Joshua’s eyes again.

“Yes. Rin is very sick. That’s why she’s going to leave this place.”

Mikhail didn’t bother correcting the way Joshua addressed Rin.

“I don’t like being sick. I don’t like it. Joshua’s tummy hurt before too. Being sick is bad.”

“I know, Joshua. I don’t like it either. I wish Rin wasn’t sick. And Joshua… your real mama came back not long ago.”

“My real… mama?”

Joshua’s eyes sparkled with curiosity.

A faint smile appeared on Mikhail’s face as he gently stroked Joshua’s flushed cheek.

“That’s right, Joshua. Let’s have dinner together tonight. I’ll introduce you to your real mama.”

Joshua’s eyes lit up for only a brief moment.

Then, like grass withering beneath a midsummer drought, his shoulders drooped.

“I don’t wanna. Joshua likes Joshua’s mama.”

“Yes, Joshua. So do I. But Rin is sick. They said… she won’t live much longer. So…”

Even as he spoke, Mikhail felt a sharp ache in his chest.

Only six months.

It was like being struck by lightning from a clear sky.

Only six months left.

Covering his face with one hand, Mikhail slowly closed his eyes.

Joshua’s anxious gaze darted around before he repeated only the words he had managed to remember.

“Rin… Rin is… sick.”

Mikhail lowered his hand and looked at Joshua.

The child already looked heartbroken just hearing that Rin was ill.

Would it really be right to tell him she might die soon?

He doesn’t even understand what death means.

I’ll save her.

That’s all there is to it.

In the end, Mikhail decided not to tell Joshua that Rin might die.

Meeting the child’s eyes, he spoke gently.

“That’s right. Rin is sick. But I’m going to help her get better. Rin is precious to you too, isn’t she? So you can help too. We’ll protect her. A man should be able to protect the people who are precious to him.”

“Help? Protect? Mama?”

Joshua’s eyes grew round as they sparkled brightly.

“That’s right. We’ll protect her. You know what it means to protect someone, don’t you, Joshua?”

“Yes! Joshua knows! Joshua can do it!”

Joshua clenched his chubby little fists, his determination blazing.

Having completely stopped crying, he lifted both arms.

“Put me down! Joshua’s gonna protect Mama too!”

Smiling, Mikhail turned toward the chief attendant.

“Robert. Take Joshua back to the palace.”

The chief attendant picked Joshua up.

Joshua waved his short little arms, but Mikhail didn’t respond.

Once the door closed, Mikhail leaned back in his chair.

He was utterly exhausted.

The anxiety and restlessness that had begun the moment he heard Rin had coughed up blood refused to subside.

His heart wouldn’t stop racing.

His lips had gone dry.

His stomach burned.

His head throbbed, and his palms were damp with sweat.

His mind echoed endlessly with the same question.

What should I do now?

The things he had always believed were merely delusions…

Perhaps they had never been delusions at all.

Ever since that day, the memories that had begun surfacing had continued to become reality.

There was no way something like that could simply be a hallucination.

Pressing a hand against his forehead, Mikhail slowly tilted his head.

They called this phenomenon… regression.

Regression.

That was right.

Mikhail had experienced regression.