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~Chapter 32~
After that, Blake couldn’t sleep for days and looked completely worn out.
It was like he was drunk on medicine.
His aide, Il Dexter, hid like an assassin because he was scared Blake might kill him. After all, Il’s loose mouth had started all this trouble.
One time, Il almost got in big trouble when the knights mistook him for a real assassin as he sneaked behind a tapestry.
“Do something, Sir Aide!”
One day, the servants finally caught Il.
“Are you just going to leave the master like that? The air is so heavy, I can’t even breathe!”
Normally, they would have gone to Butler Alfredo for help. He had taken care of wild Blake since he was a child.
But Alfredo was sick with a cold, lying in bed. So the only person left was Blake’s aide, Il Dexter.
Il finally gave in and stood in front of the office door.
“Your Grace, may I come in?”
Behind the door, he only heard a sleepy mumble.
Il quietly opened the door and went in.
Blake was slumped in his chair, almost lying down.
“…What do you want?”
His voice was rough, coming out between dry lips. He didn’t even have the strength to get angry. He was just wasting time.
He hadn’t slept for days, but sleep wouldn’t come.
Even on a noisy battlefield, he could usually close his eyes, but not now. This was the first time in his life it happened.
Il tried to act normal and started a regular conversation.
“It’s about the last matter. I think you made a mistake with the paperwork.”
“Me? What mistake?”
Blake was responsible for many people in his duchy. One mistake could mean people starving, so he was always careful.
“You told the knights to stay at the castle for now because monsters are acting up, right?”
“Yes, I did.”
“So you budgeted for their rooms, new bedding, and other things, but…”
Il handed him a piece of paper.
He’d left off two zeros by mistake.
“With this money, we can only buy one bar of soap for everyone.”
“Why did I do that? Fix it.”
Blake rubbed his face and waved Il away.
But that wasn’t his only mistake.
“There’s a big error with the taxes for the northeast region…”
“Really?”
“Also, you always buy salted sardines from the border every year. The border lord wants to check if you really meant to order one hundred tons.”
“…Who could eat one hundred tons?”
“That’s what you wrote.”
They kept correcting mistakes for a long time.
Finally, Il had to say something. If this went on, a big problem could happen.
“You can’t go on like this! You haven’t been working properly for days. You should just sleep well for once.”
“I try, but I just can’t.”
Blake was so stressed that his mind was full of useless thoughts. It was classic insomnia.
“At least lie down in your bedroom. You stay in your office all day and night.”
“I know, but I just feel like I have to protect something here.”
He was talking about Count Fox’s letter. Everything had happened because he hadn’t kept it safe.
Il made a face, but Blake didn’t care.
He just kept feeling sorry.
I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have shouted. Why did I act on my own?
…It was all my fault.
He even thought about drinking to forget.
“Maybe it’d be better if I just had an accident.”
“Why don’t you… apologize?”
“Apologize?”
Blake barely lifted his messy head from the desk. He looked like a wolf or leopard that had lost all its strength.
He stayed like that, thinking…
Apologize?
To Lily Hedwick?
His tired eyes stared into space.
For a moment, he considered it, but then his heart turned cold.
“She probably doesn’t even want to see my face.”
He muttered in a cracked voice.
He remembered her last expression when they fought—she had really seen Count Fox in him.
That memory made Blake hate himself. How could he be compared to that garbage?
Il tried again.
“You never know unless you try.”
“Apology. It’s easy to tell others, but hard to do yourself.”
“Don’t be sarcastic!”
“I don’t want her to see me like this.”
Not long ago, Blake used to spend so much time fixing his clothes for the banquets.
He let out a bitter laugh.
‘Did I actually fall in love? I keep fixing my useless clothes…’
But no, it’s not love. Surely not.
“Should I drink? If I do, Lily might think of her ex-husband even more.”
Suddenly, Il said exactly what Blake was thinking.
“Lily’s ex-husband turned violent when he drank, right?”
“…How did you know that?”
Blake’s voice was suddenly dark and scary.
Only he should know what Lily had suffered before running away.
A new thought crossed his mind—what if Il was Count Fox’s spy?
“Come here for a second.”
“Wait! Your Grace, please put down the brandy bottle first!”
“I won’t kill you.”
“That sounds like you’ll hurt me. Am I wrong?”
“Should I torture you too? If you talk soon, maybe I’ll only punish three generations of your family.”
Il Dexter was desperate.
Everyone at Winter Castle knew Lily’s ex-husband had treated her terribly. The maids who bathed her had seen the scars.
“Everyone just feels sorry. All we can do is pretend not to know and swallow our sadness.”
“…Fine. Get out. I’m tired and your talking gives me a headache.”
“I’m serious. You should apologize.”
“I don’t even want to see her face. Is there a way to send a message by telepathy? Do shamans have that skill?”
Il answered honestly.
“Are you talking or drunk? I quit.”
“My lovely aide, you’re not in any position to argue.”
Blake’s voice was rougher than his words.
It was all Il’s fault Lily found out the truth.
First, he mentioned the letter in front of her.
Second, he was careless and fell asleep, so Lily went into the office alone.
Blake couldn’t forgive it.
“Promotion? I’ll give it to you—after you’re buried.”
“I’m sorry!!”
Il ran off, pale as a ghost.
The only sound left in Blake’s office was the ticking of the clock.
“Tsk.”
He clicked his tongue, but there was no one to blame but himself.
It was all his own mess.
Blake dragged himself to the window. Dark shadows lay thick under the snowy mountains outside.
In the far distance, the snowy mountains stood empty. Closer, the field was covered with white snow.
Normally, Lily’s footprints would cover that field.
The servants still used side paths to keep the snow clean for Lily.
‘But the young lady who used to leave her happy footprints isn’t there anymore.’
He tasted bitterness. He wished he could replace his rotten insides.
Blake thought he wouldn’t sleep tonight either.
Il Dexter, who’d watched from the door, walked quietly down the hall.
“I wish Miss Lily would forgive that foolish master, just once.”
Lily Hedwick spent days in her room, lying on her bed.
Only dry sighs came out.
She always knew Blake was the type to do things his own way.
But still, she lost her temper and raised her voice. That was very rude.
‘That wasn’t like me.’
She’d always obeyed others.
Was it because she’d grown comfortable with Blake?
Maybe, but mostly because she’d come to trust him. She realized she’d fallen into the very situation she’d always feared.
‘I’m already leaning on that man.’
It was strange how familiar he felt, even though they hadn’t known each other long.
She shouldn’t have done that.
Lily looked out the window with sad eyes.
Outside, everything was frozen white, making the world blurry.
