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Chapter 41
The Reason for the Unease
Leaving Dr. Min’s hospital, Taewook rubbed his face tiredly.
His mind was as heavy as his drooping eyelids, tangled with complicated thoughts.
“…I’ll admit it.”
“The reason you’ve kept catching my attention, the reason I’ve been so conscious of you.”
Winter had said those words while the late-rising sun streamed through the window, blinking slowly with that pale, gentle face.
That I caught her attention.
That she was conscious of me.
Why did those simple words, spoken so calmly, pierce deeper into his heart than any confession ever could?
The moment he acknowledged his feelings, they surged over him like waves, and standing before them, he was as helpless as a sandcastle before the tide.
At first, he thought it was responsibility.
Then he convinced himself it was pity.
He drew a line, telling himself that the gaze that constantly followed her was merely curiosity toward the changed Winter.
After that, he built another wall, claiming it was nothing more than pride—his unwillingness to let someone else take what belonged to him.
But Winter had crossed every line and every wall and made her way to him.
“…But you know.”
“Stop shaking me anymore.”
“I don’t want to lose anyone else.”
To him, her plea not to shake her anymore sounded like an admission that she was already shaken beyond measure.
And when she said she didn’t want to lose anyone else, it sounded as though he had become someone she couldn’t bear to lose.
His chest swelled painfully.
His stomach churned.
If he didn’t release the emotions boiling inside him, he felt as though they would consume him alive.
Removing the hand covering his eyes, Taewook raked his fingers through his hair.
“It’s strange, isn’t it? I wasn’t even drunk, but I can’t remember anything.”
“Actually, it wasn’t just yesterday. Every few years, something like this has happened before.”
Was this what it felt like to have a bucket of ice water poured over your head?
“Your wife had a dream last night.”
“And to protect herself from the wounds that dream caused, she developed temporary amnesia.”
The words that had sounded so overwhelming to him now carried an entirely different meaning.
So those weren’t merely words that touched his heart.
They were words spoken by someone desperately trying not to suffer anymore.
The realization filled him with guilt.
Yet even then, his growing greed refused to diminish.
His self-loathing only deepened.
The image of Winter struggling beneath the weight of losing her family reminded him of someone foolishly clinging to the past.
A cold wind swept through his heart once more.
“Looks like you found a woman just like yourself somewhere.”
“…And what about you?”
“Do you still have that dream?”
“I’m sorry, Taewook.”
A voice he could never forget echoed inside his head.
Overwhelmed by the emotions rising within him, Taewook bit down hard on his lip.
♪♬♩-
Rubbing at his throbbing head, Taewook pulled out his phone.
[Kim Arin]
The moment Arin’s name appeared on the screen, his brows furrowed.
An inexplicable sense of foreboding washed over him.
He immediately answered.
“Yes, this is Joo Taewook.”
—…It’s Kim Arin.
“Go ahead.”
—It’s about Winter unni. Could you come to the station right away—
“I’ll be there within thirty minutes.”
Something about Arin’s unusually subdued voice made him uneasy.
After ending the call, Taewook fastened his seatbelt and started the engine.
Winter’s pale face filled his thoughts.
Jaejin hung the visitor pass around his neck after receiving it from the receptionist.
The lanyard felt as irritating as the fully buttoned collar of his dress shirt.
Scratching at his neck repeatedly, he soon left angry red marks across the skin.
Standing before the lobby mirror, his eyes gleamed viciously.
“Just get caught one more time. Next time it won’t end this easily!”
“PD Lee Hyukjin is starting a new drama. Get an interview with him first. Don’t think about wandering off and doing something else.”
“I think CEO Joo noticed that you took pictures of him. You gain nothing by making him dislike you. Just bow your head and behave.”
“I-I don’t care if you move or not, but don’t cause trouble in our apartment complex!”
“If property values drop because of your nonsense, I swear I won’t let it go!”
“A prosecutor came looking for you recently!”
“They asked if I knew you, what time you usually got off work…”
The voices echoed endlessly in his head.
Jaejin scratched at his neck even harder.
Blood eventually welled up where his nails tore through his skin, but he didn’t seem to feel the pain.
“Fuck… why does everyone always dump their shit on me…”
Muttering curses, his savage gaze shifted to someone reflected in the mirror.
Two women had just entered the lobby.
“Then should we check the editing room first?”
Kim Arin.
The woman who had been with Taewook in the photograph he had taken.
And—
“I don’t mind. Are you sure that’s okay?”
“Inspector Kim won’t arrive for at least another hour. We can stop by the editing room first.”
Han Gyeoul.
Even seeing her smile made him think of a cold winter day.
Back when he was barely enduring life, she had seemed lonelier and more desolate than he was.
That loneliness had comforted him.
And now she stood right before him—not on a screen, not through a camera lens.
In person.
“Then we’d better finish before an hour passes.”
“Obviously! Why would you even say that—”
Absentmindedly touching his camera, Jaejin frowned.
Something about Winter felt different.
Her face was the same.
Her long black hair still flowed past her chest.
Her small white hands were the same.
Everything about her was unmistakably Winter.
She should have been Winter.
But the woman laughing quietly with Arin wasn’t the Winter he knew.
She wasn’t the woman who made his heart ache and sting.
Jaejin tightened his grip on the camera.
Just then—
“Arin-ssi?”
A man wearing ripped light-blue jeans and a long shearling coat approached them.
The face seemed vaguely familiar.
Jaejin checked the time on his phone.
There were still about thirty minutes until his interview with PD Lee Hyukjin.
More than enough time to discover the source of this unsettling feeling.
“Arin-ssi?”
At the sight of the brown-haired man approaching, Arin’s expression hardened immediately.
Whether he noticed or not, the man casually greeted her.
“It’s been a while. Has it been three months since we met at that exhibition? Have you been well?”
“Yeah. More or less.”
An exhibition?
A certain name instantly came to mind.
I pulled out my phone.
“Looks like you haven’t been doing much lately. Hardly see you on TV these days.”
“Maybe you’re just not paying attention.”
“Huh?”
“Just yesterday I was on a KBC variety show as a panelist. The day before that I appeared on Today’s Entertainment News promoting a movie.”
The man’s expression stiffened.
Blinking slowly, he suddenly burst into loud laughter.
His laughter was so loud that passersby turned to look.
Arin’s face twisted even further.
“Hahaha! Arin-ssi, it’s been a while, but you’re awfully sensitive. Is it that time of the month?”
“What did you just say?”
“Sorry. I’ve been really busy, so I don’t watch much TV. Didn’t realize you’d been working so hard.”
“…”
“I mean, I get it. Celebrities are like that, right? One tiny scandal and suddenly their livelihood is gone.”
Tapping his phone casually, he smiled with smug confidence.
Arin bit down hard on her lip to suppress her anger.
He looked completely convinced he had won.
The crowded lobby and the fact that they were inside a broadcasting station probably made him feel untouchable.
Keeping his voice low enough that only Arin could hear, he continued his disgusting little game.
“If things ever go wrong and you can’t work as an actress anymore, give me a call.”
“…”
“I know someone who’s a big fan of yours.”
“…”
“And he has rather unique tastes. I’m sure he’d make it worth your while—”
“Arin-ssi.”
I cut him off and called out to Arin.
She had been trembling with rage, ready to explode at any moment.
At the sound of my voice, she flinched and turned toward me.
I casually held out my hand.
“The lipstick you asked if I wanted earlier.”
“…What?”
“I changed my mind. Give it to me.”
“Excuse me?”
“The lipstick.”
Confused by my sudden request, Arin blinked several times.
After staring at me for a moment, she pulled the lipstick from her pocket and handed it over.
The man frowned at the sight.
I examined the lipstick briefly before smiling playfully.
“I was thinking this earlier too, but now I finally get why people always say you should become famous first.”
“…”
“You can call garbage like this ‘design,’ and once your name gets big enough, people act like it’s some masterpiece.”
“…What exactly are you trying to do?”
The man’s face darkened.
I smiled innocently.
“Oh, are you the designer?”
“Hey.”
“Actually, never mind. I don’t want to show it to you.”
“…”
“I’d be embarrassed.”
Ignoring the fury spreading across his face, I smiled brightly.
Then I tossed the lipstick straight into the nearby trash can.
His face twisted viciously.
“Looks awful at first glance anyway. Why bother looking?”
The cheerful words pushed him over the edge.
He grabbed me by the collar.
“So I’ve been listening quietly, and now I realize you’re completely fucking insane.”
“…”
“Ha! Are you crazy? Seriously, are you out of your mind?!”
His furious shout drew attention from everyone nearby.
Arin froze in shock.
Jinsu, who had arrived late because of parking, went pale at the sight of my collar being grabbed.
I glanced at the growing crowd and smiled calmly.
“You didn’t know?”
“What?”
“I’m a little crazy.”
“…”
“After everything that happened, how could anyone stay sane? You survive half out of your mind.”
The man only blinked at me blankly.
Meeting his gaze, I motioned toward the hand clutching my collar.
“So now that you know I’m crazy…”
“…”
“How about you let go?”
“…”
“Before the pathetic scraps of your public image end up in the trash too.”
