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CHAPTER 56………..
Grown Too Used To It
Dietrich’s expression, as he spoke those shocking words, was so indifferent it was as if he were talking about someone else.
“He wanted to use you to warm my younger sister’s bed?”
“…Yes.”
A long silence settled between them.
At last, Celiya opened her mouth.
“So… did you accept?”
Even as she asked, she was sure Dietrich would never agree to something so absurd.
Instead of answering, Dietrich leaned back in his chair, arms crossed. Unlike his usual meticulous habit of fastening every button, today his collar was loose, revealing a chest well-muscled beneath his shirt.
“Well… what do you think?”
Though his appearance was unkempt, his voice was cool and dry.
“If a brief humiliation could guarantee your life, I wouldn’t call it such a bad deal.”
“…”
“With Illeon as the new emperor, pretending to go along with it would buy us time to prepare.”
His calm tone drew a sigh from Celiya.
“…I see.”
If a brief humiliation could keep one alive…
She considered it from his perspective. Had he chosen to go to war, she would have been left alone and isolated in the palace. Had he chosen to abandon her, the result would have been the same.
So his seemingly foolish choice was, in truth, a desperate attempt to protect her — perhaps the only choice he had.
That he would sacrifice his own body for the sake of someone who was only an “ally”…
Celiya knew better than anyone that she would never have done the same. If Illeon had demanded her body in exchange for Dietrich’s life, she would have died on the spot before agreeing.
Her own failing health came from overusing her powers to fend off men who tried to take her by force.
So no — she did not feel grateful to Dietrich.
She had never asked him to make such a sacrifice. She had never urged him into Illeon’s sister’s bed.
And yet, she felt as though she had somehow become the villain.
Even when she doubted him, whenever he came to her like this, she never knew how to respond.
Dietrich’s eyes narrowed as he looked at her.
“What are you thinking about?”
Drawn from her thoughts, she looked back at him. She wanted to ask him instead — what was he thinking, to make such a decision?
To make an important choice without ever consulting her left her mouth dry.
“I…”
But before she could finish, she shut her lips tight — because in her mind, unbidden, came the image of Dietrich with Illeon’s sister.
The lips that had kissed her, kissing that woman.
The hands that had fed her, touching that woman.
From the pit of her stomach, anger began to boil.
She hoped — no, she willed — that Dietrich wouldn’t go through with such a wretched sacrifice. That he wouldn’t let himself be thrown away by that snake Illeon.
But she hated the thought of him noticing her feelings. It would look far too much like jealousy.
Her gaze on him turned cold.
Seeing her poor expression, Dietrich called her name with concern.
“…Celiya?”
He rose and placed a large hand on her forehead.
The kindness in his eyes, the warmth of his palm — she closed her eyes as if to block them out, afraid she might sink into that comfort.
“While I was gone… did Illeon do something to you?”
Even now, he worried only for her.
She almost told him to worry about himself instead.
“I only left you at the mansion because you were sleeping so soundly. If I’d known you’d come looking for me, I would have told you.”
His belated excuse, strangely, didn’t feel unpleasant.
“I’m sorry. My conversation with Lady Reina went on longer than expected.”
At that, a sharp pang hit her chest.
Was that why he looked so disheveled? While she slept unaware, had he been with that foul-tempered woman, Illeon’s sister?
She wanted to ask what they had talked about, but she didn’t.
She had worked so hard not to rely on him — to keep doubting, testing, never trusting completely — and yet she still couldn’t let go.
Had she grown too invested in this fake lover act?
The thought made her feel ridiculous. Whether he left the mansion or met someone else, she had no right to feel hurt.
I’ve just grown used to being with him.
She opened her eyes slowly, and his hand fell away from her forehead.
“No fever. Is something bothering you?”
“I’m fine.”
She wasn’t fine.
“Bothering me? Of course not.”
In truth… I was thinking about you with another woman.
“I’m just tired from searching for you all morning.”
I hope you never realize what I’m feeling.
Not wanting to admit even to herself how much she had let him in, she lied.
Rubbing her forehead, she rose from her seat.
“If we’re done talking, I’ll go to my room.”
Without looking at his face, she left.
Tap.
Silence filled the room she had left.
Dietrich stared at the place where she had been sitting.
So, did you accept?
When she’d asked him that, looking up at him, her eyes had reminded him of the moon reflected in water — not playful as usual, but shadowed with concern.
He liked it when she worried about him. It made him feel as though he truly mattered to her.
That was why he’d pretended to be casual, claiming a little humiliation for the sake of survival wasn’t such a bad bargain.
…I see.
Her sigh of a reply had come with her eyes lowered. She’d seemed about to speak, then closed her mouth again, lost in thought.
He had wondered what she was thinking.
Did she see him — the Imperial Knights’ commander — as pathetic for not being able to strike at Illeon immediately?
Did she think him foolish, useless?
Was she regretting joining hands with him?
He studied her pensive face, thoughts swirling.
I…
Again, she had seemed on the verge of speaking, only to fall silent, meeting his gaze with a mix of tangled emotions.
When he’d spoken with Lady Reina, Illeon’s sister, he had wanted time to pass quickly.
In the end, you’re going to break up with your lover for me, aren’t you? Or I’ll tell my brother to kill her.
At first, he’d considered using her to get at Illeon. But he knew Illeon wouldn’t bat an eye even if his own sister were a hostage.
He had remained still when she reached to unbutton his shirt, only because he feared for Celiya’s safety.
At the ball a few days after my brother’s coronation, escort me. And tonight… you know, right?
Her sly smile had been a mirror of her brother’s.
See what happens when you reject my confession?
The hand that stroked his cheek, her face steeped in desire — both were revolting.
Dietrich had leaned his head back, thinking only of escaping.
I’m fine.
But Celiya’s “I’m fine” kept replaying in his mind.
Did she realize she’d said it with such an un-fine face?
The trace of sorrow in her eyes had cut deep.
He looked at the hand that had touched her forehead.
It was irritating, gaining an unwanted weakness.
If only I had never met you.
She was the woman who had laughed brightly in the emperor’s chamber, covered in blood.
A woman who lived as if she had nothing left to lose, yet whose eyes lit up over sweet desserts.
The trembling lashes as she swallowed his saliva, and—
Sweet.
Her smile lingered in his mind.
He forced the thoughts away.
Pointless fantasies are worse than useless.
Dietrich had to admit it — he had grown used to being with Celiya without even realizing it.
