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Chapter 230
Her fingers, pale as the bones beneath, were trembling. It looked like she was tense, which meant she was putting in a lot of effort.
Seeing this, I quickly spoke up.
“It’s okay if you don’t say it right now.”
“No, unni. But tomorrow… we don’t know what will happen to us.”
“Don’t say things like that.”
The bloody battle was right around the corner. Even if we could make it through, tomorrow was also her wedding day.
‘It’s only natural to feel uneasy and lose sleep over just one thing, but now, with everything piling up, I’m even more restless.’
Even though I was anxious and had things to say, I didn’t think it was a good idea to burden someone like her, who was already so anxious and trembling.
So I purposely smiled.
“We’ll win, so what’s the worry? You can say it after everything is over. Say it then. Right now, given your condition, it doesn’t seem like the right time. I don’t want to hear it.”
I lightly, but firmly, refused.
Gabriella’s lips parted several times before she finally spoke in a soft voice.
“Still… can I ask just one thing? Please answer me. It’s important.”
Despite her soft voice, I could see the strong will in her blue eyes. Whenever Gabriella or Yoon Gabi looked at me with those eyes, their determination was something that couldn’t be easily swayed.
“Sigh… fine, Gabi. What is it?”
“It’s….”
“Hmm?”
She hesitated for a long time, even though she said it was an important question.
It was late, and I was growing tired. My eyelids felt heavy, and it seemed like I wasn’t the only one who needed rest—Gabriella, the bride-to-be, probably needed some sleep too.
Just as I was about to gently push her to speak up, Gabriella, with a firmer tone, opened her mouth.
“Unni, have you ever been absolutely certain that the place you belong is right here, just once?”
It was a question I didn’t quite understand, and I needed to ask again.
“Are you asking if I’m sure that this place, as the Duchess of Romero, is where I belong?”
“No, not that….”
Gabriella trailed off, leaving me puzzled.
If it wasn’t that, then what was she asking?
Is this place, the Empire of Naparo, where I should be? Do I feel certain about it?
I wasn’t sure. After all, I was Yoon Mari.
Even though the future was uncertain, and I might be living my life inside the world of a novel that Gabi imagined, Gabriella, as a character in that novel, couldn’t possibly understand my situation.
“I don’t quite understand your question. Can you explain it more simply?”
I asked again. Her question, after everything, must have been important, and I didn’t want to give a half-hearted response.
“Marie unni.”
Hearing my name, I was taken aback. It had been a while since anyone called me that.
It wasn’t Marie Belle, but Marie unni.
Her face, so similar to Gabi’s, called out my name, not Marie Belle but Marie.
A chill ran down my spine, and instead of answering, I just stared at her.
“Do you still have trouble sleeping these days?”
“Hmm?”
It was an entirely unrelated question to the previous one.
I stumbled, confused.
“Did I ever have trouble sleeping? I had some trouble when I was young, but after growing up… no.”
I was so flustered that I ended up saying something based on my memory of Yoon Mari, not Marie Belle.
Yoon Mari’s childhood, when she couldn’t sleep properly due to strange and long dreams, even keeping a dream journal. During Gabi’s hospitalization, I also had trouble sleeping.
Was it because of fatigue? My head ached from the tangled memories.
I laughed awkwardly.
“I sleep fine here.”
“Here? Where is ‘here’?”
Ugh, I made a mistake with my choice of words.
After coming into this novel world and seeing Gabriella, I rarely slept because of the strange guilt I felt.
“Just, here… I sleep well after coming to Bernau. Sephardim lived in the south, so it was hot there.”
After brushing it off, I became curious. Gabriella’s turquoise eyes, staring at me, reflected an intense longing.
“Gabi, why are you asking this? What do sleep and the question earlier have in common?”
Gabriella’s eyes, which had been tightly shut, began to glisten with unshed tears.
The moment I realized they were tears, I quickly jumped up from the bed and grabbed her hand.
“Are you really that anxious? Did I say something too harsh?”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I… I just want you to be happy here, unni. I hope you’re content with this place.”
Gabriella’s body language was screaming that she was sincere in what she said.
Why would she want me to feel happy in this place like that?
When I didn’t respond, Gabriella’s eyelashes trembled.
“I’m sorry, unni.”
“Why are you apologizing to me?”
She inhaled deeply, almost as if in shock.
I shook my head.
“If anyone should apologize, it’s me.”
“No. You can’t even imagine how I feel. I get so angry, I feel like I’m going to go mad when I see you, unni, acting like you’re not afraid of death and charging ahead, even when you’re sorry.”
Not afraid of death? Maybe she saw it that way, the way I tried to reassure myself about tomorrow.
I awkwardly smiled, and Gabriella, who had been muttering, suddenly shouted, her emotions pouring out.
“Right now, unni, you have me. Arius, me, and many people here who love you!”
Gabriella burst into emotion. I, startled, added more to what I said.
“I know. I really do. Right now, I believe we can win, that’s why I’m saying this.”
“…”
“And if you’re worried about the last Rosio event, well… there was a reason for that. A real reason.”
“A reason?”
“Well…”
“You didn’t want to be here, did you? You thought you couldn’t stay here?”
Her questioning wasn’t wrong, and I remained silent. Gabriella, breathing heavily, shouted.
“The Rosio event will happen again in five years. Before that, I’ll make sure to create a law banning anyone from being sacrificed, even if I have to offer the position of Crown Princess as a stake.”
In the late hours, in the large room, my soon-to-be Crown Princess sister glared at me before lowering her head. A soft, sobbing sound echoed.
‘She’s hurt.’
She was challenging me and showing her emotions.
I felt sorry for her. The only thing I could offer her in return was my utmost honesty.
“…You know, Gabi. Back then, I wasn’t happy with my life. I…”
“…”
“Back then, I really wanted to run away. I thought I had to escape. This place…”
“…”
“This place just wasn’t for me.”
Gabriella, staring at me again, had a wavering look in her eyes.
‘She probably misunderstood.’
It was a thought likely shared by a half-noble Sephardim, someone who had been looked down upon for her mixed Moorish blood.
Or maybe, having lived two lives, Gabriella might think that I wanted to burn away as a way of atoning for my past sins.
‘Neither of those is true, though.’
The reason this place didn’t suit me was because it was a novel, a world from a book.
A place that couldn’t even solve my bee venom allergy, without refrigerators, televisions, or the internet, full of incomprehensible protocols and class structures.
But.
“Listen, Gabriella. No, Gabi.”
I spoke gently to the silent Gabriella.
“I like it here now.”
Her eyes widened at those words, as though she had found hope.
“Really?”
“Yeah. You’re here, and Arius, Luiza, and Hita are here. The people I like are all here. I’ll make this place better by doing what I can.”
“You won’t leave, will you?”
“No. And I completely agree with the law to ban human sacrifices. That’s terrifying.”
I want to stay here.
Through my conversation with Gabriella, I realized this was my true feeling.
Because of my bee venom allergy, I didn’t know when I might die. Hita and many scholars were researching it, but there was no telling when a tiny insect might take my life.
But did I want to return to my life as Yoon Mari in Korea?
If the chance came, I don’t think I’d grab it.
There might be a shot to prevent the shock, but that would be the only option. Everything else was just a fantasy.
The people I love and those who love me live as fictional characters in this nonsensical book.
I know all that. And still.
I smiled. This resolve, this heart—it wasn’t something I hated.
And the protagonist of this book, watching my smile, said.
“This is real.”
