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Chapter 18
Contrary to her confident claim that she would be fine, Lauren looked pale from the moment morning came. Seeing the color drained from her cheeks, Aster frowned, and Lauren let out a dry little laugh.
“You skipped breakfast again this morning.”
“B-but I feel like I’ll get indigestion if I eat.”
At Calvin’s narrowed-eyed remark, Lauren offered a small excuse. Aster exhaled sharply and ordered Calvin,
“Bring warm milk with honey mixed in.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
Calvin answered briefly, bowed his head, and left the office. Watching his retreating figure, Lauren let out a faint sigh. To Aster’s ears, that sigh sounded strangely loud.
“Are you worried?”
“Worried… I don’t know. I’m not sure if I’m worried or just nervous.”
Lauren looked restless. Delania was the type of person who would desperately search for even the tiniest mistake and exaggerate it, so feeling nervous or worried was understandable. Aster knew that better than anyone.
Because he had once had someone like that too.
“It’ll be fine.”
Without thinking, he placed a hand on Lauren’s head and gently stroked her hair. His touch was unexpectedly soft. When Lauren looked up, she saw him smiling faintly with narrowed eyes.
“You prepared as much as you possibly could. It’ll be okay, Lauren.”
“Exactly. There’s nothing anyone could criticize. The servants of the ducal household are highly capable.”
Lauren muttered quietly as though reassuring herself, then smiled. But with her face still pale, the forced smile only looked pitiful. Aster stroked her hair a couple more times before withdrawing his hand. Her jet-black hair was so smooth to the touch that he felt if he didn’t stop himself, he might unconsciously keep touching it.
“That’s good, then.”
Aster glanced down subtly, gauging Lauren’s reaction.
Would she think he was treating her like a child?
That wasn’t his intention.
Fortunately, she showed no sign of displeasure. For some reason, Aster felt genuinely relieved. And the moment he realized he was relieved by that, he was startled himself.
“Aster?”
When he suddenly withdrew his hand and frowned, Lauren called his name as if checking on him.
Aster twisted his lips and brushed back his hair.
Lately, for some reason, he kept having unnecessary thoughts.
Was it because he’d returned alive from battlefields where he’d risked his life and now had room to think?
He swallowed back the sigh trying to escape.
“Anyway, you should only work until noon today. Lettie isn’t here to review documents either.”
“Oh dear. If you leave all the miscellaneous work to Lettie, she’ll have a hard time.”
“That’s why I pay her such a high salary.”
Lauren crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him. At the joking reply, Aster let out a small laugh.
He could smile normally again.
He’d returned to his usual self.
Now it was fine.
“Anyway,” Aster continued. “That’s not what matters.”
“Don’t skip lunch. Don’t starve yourself because you think you can’t digest food. Eat at least a little.”
“…O-okay.”
Lauren shrank her shoulders instead of answering properly. Her lavender eyes rolled upward to look at him.
For some reason, Aster felt like he was scolding a child and smiled bitterly.
* * *
Do we really need to prepare this much?
Lauren sighed while sitting in the bath.
Immersed in warm water scented with oils and scattered flower petals, she was being attended to by Anna and Lize. Thanks to the massages with fragrant oils the two women had lavishly applied, her skin now gleamed smoothly.
Wrapping Lauren in a towel, Anna guided her to sit at the vanity. The hands drying her were careful and gentle.
For some reason, she felt sleepy.
Maybe because she hadn’t slept properly last night.
Even now, she still couldn’t tell whether what filled her mind was anxiety or worry.
Still, it seemed Aster had been right about preparing early.
After being thoroughly fussed over in the bath by the two maids, she sat before the vanity wearing only a camisole and drawers. There was no time to be nervous, no room to worry.
Feeling drowsy, Lauren stared blankly at the mirror.
Lize opened the cosmetics case while Anna stood behind her holding a brush.
Their hands moved with meticulous care.
“We’re not even going to a banquet. Isn’t this a little too much?”
She had kept quiet because saying anything felt bothersome and because the two looked excited, but Lauren finally sighed.
The clothes Lize had brought out after finishing her makeup were simply too extravagant.
The dresses from Aloria Boutique that Jasmine had brought generally suited Lauren’s tastes, but occasionally there were pieces this excessively ornate.
Though “excessive” was only by Lauren’s standards.
“Too much? Not at all. His Grace said to dress you in a way befitting the dignity of the ducal house.”
If people were going to talk about the dignity of the duchy over things like this, Lauren had nothing to say.
Frowning, she looked over several dresses Lize had laid out.
Floral patterns. Lace. Elaborately decorated ribbons and jewels.
Her eyes felt dizzy.
There wasn’t a single plain, practical outfit among them—the kind she preferred.
Lauren tugged one corner of her lips.
With her brows furrowed, it naturally became a bitter smile.
What had Delania said about her clothes before?
“You still dress like a governess.”
In truth, compared to what Delania wore, every one of Lauren’s outfits had been made from luxurious materials.
But Delania wouldn’t care about things like that.
To her, anything that wasn’t flashy simply looked laughable.
Had Aster heard those words?
Did he think Lauren’s usual appearance wasn’t suitable for the duchy?
Well… Lauren was closer to an administrator of the ducal house than a duchess anyway. Maybe that was why he’d never mentioned it before.
But now a “guest” had come to the ducal estate.
Though whether Delania could truly be called a guest was questionable.
Regardless, perhaps now she needed to dress in a way that wouldn’t embarrass others.
Like a proper duchess.
Lauren let out a quiet breath and pointed at one dress with her fingertip.
It was a summer dress decorated with soft-colored wide frills at the hem and covered in tiny floral patterns.
“An excellent choice! I think it’ll suit you perfectly!”
Clapping her hands, Lize gave several instructions to Anna—who had just set down the brush—then helped Lauren dress.
Anna returned from the dressing room carrying a large jewelry box and began holding different pieces against Lauren’s neck and ears.
“Lize, what about this one?”
“Rather than that, wouldn’t the one beside it be better?”
“Ah, yes. This matches Milady’s eyes more.”
Even the voices of the two maids exchanging opinions sounded cheerful.
Lauren no longer had the energy to stop them.
She stared absentmindedly at the mirror.
This one dress alone probably cost as much as a month’s living expenses for a baron’s household.
She had never imagined she’d wear clothing like this.
“You’re truly beautiful, Milady.”
After decorating Lauren’s braided hair with several jeweled hairpins woven among ribbons, Lize smiled in satisfaction.
Lauren awkwardly touched the delphinium-shaped necklace hanging around her neck.
No matter how often it brushed against her skin, she couldn’t grow accustomed to the cold feeling of jewels.
Just like the reflection of herself in the mirror.
* * *
“Milady, your guest has arrived.”
At Calvin’s voice from beyond the door, Lauren took a deep breath and stood.
Her eyes drifted to the clock above the fireplace.
A little late for the appointment time.
That was exactly the kind of thing Delania would do—someone who always wanted attention wherever she went.
Things like manners likely meant nothing to her.
Lauren headed toward the mansion’s lobby with Calvin.
In the center of the lobby, flooded by the slanting evening sunlight pouring through the huge windows, Delania stood as though she were the heroine of a novel.
Her chestnut hair, which sometimes appeared almost black, glimmered brown in the light.
Suppressing her instinctive frown, Lauren smiled at her cousin.
“Welcome, Delania.”
“Does this mansion not have servants? Making someone stand around waiting like this!”
Delania grumbled irritably.
She didn’t sound like an invited guest at all.
Wasn’t the one who arrived late the person at fault in the first place?
Lauren’s forcibly stretched smile trembled.
“I see. Come this way. I’ll take you directly to the dining room.”
Swallowing her sigh, Lauren started walking ahead.
As they crossed the short corridor, she could feel Delania’s gaze sweeping over her from head to toe.
“So you really are a duchess after all.”
I shouldn’t react.
Lauren knew that, yet unconsciously stopped and turned around.
Delania was smiling toward her with narrowed brown eyes.
It wasn’t a pleasant smile.
“…What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. You finally look somewhat noble. You should’ve dressed like that earlier. I only mentioned once that you dressed like a governess, and I guess your pride got hurt because you fancied yourself a duchess.”
What… was she saying?
The crease Lauren had tried to smooth from her brow deepened again.
But no matter how others reacted, Delania always said whatever she wanted.
That hadn’t changed since childhood.
She still never considered how others might feel.
“Delania.”
“Isn’t it true? You can brag all you want about territories or titles, but once you get married, you end up stuck guarding a mansion like this anyway.”
Delania’s malicious smile flew toward her.
Lauren parted her lips to argue—
But then bit them shut and turned away.
Because for one fleeting moment, though she hated admitting it, she thought Delania might be right.
Near her ears came Delania’s scoffing laugh, as if saying See?
Lauren bit down on her lip before finally drawing a breath and turning around.
When she lifted her eyes, they met Calvin’s.
He had been standing quietly to the side watching.
Perhaps realizing the conversation was over, he gave a slight nod and began walking ahead again.
Maybe it was her imagination, but his usually gentle gaze felt a little colder.
Of course it would.
The duchess of the household, unable to handle even a single young lady from a baron’s family, lowering her head like that—
To someone who had served the ducal estate for years, perhaps she looked pathetic.
Lauren squeezed her eyes shut briefly before opening them.
Lately, a thought had begun appearing in her mind from time to time:
Maybe… I’m simply not suited to being a duchess.
No matter that she had been desperate to survive—perhaps barging into the ducal household without thinking hadn’t been the right choice.
A duchess should stand confidently before others.
She shouldn’t feel awkward in extravagant clothing.
She couldn’t continue living however she pleased, the way she had at the baron’s estate.
This wasn’t a position someone could claim merely because she was somewhat competent at work.
The moment that thought surfaced, Lauren suddenly felt suffocated.
What Duke Aster Liliwood needed in a “wife” was neither an excuse to avoid marrying the imperial princess nor a capable administrator.
“For our mutual benefit.”
Lauren belatedly realized how shallow and meaningless those words she once said had truly been.
