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What he and Gu Zhong had… it wasn’t short, but it wasn’t long either.
Yet it was never easy to explain.
It was the first time Shen Wang had ever been in a relationship. He’d watched movies and read novels—he understood, in theory, how love was supposed to unfold. But he had never actually tried it himself.
Most of his connections ended in bed. Once the bed was left behind, they became strangers again—drink together if there was alcohol, part ways if there wasn’t.
A lot of people didn’t believe him. They said love could be “made,” that one night of intimacy could turn into a hundred days of affection. How could Shen Wang be any different?
But the truth was, he had never loved any of his sex partners.
To Shen Wang, sex was like eating.
When you were hungry, you ate. Even if you liked a dish, it was still just food. Nothing more, nothing deeper.
And he didn’t like thinking too much about it. Didn’t like digging too deep. His indulgence was like a dull blade—no cold gleam to it—so people mistook it for decoration.
They didn’t realize a blade was still a blade. It could still draw blood.
Gu Zhong wasn’t the first person to say he wanted to date him.
Shen Wang’s face was deceptive, his personality seemingly gentle. Many people had tried to “settle down” with him before.
And every time, Shen Wang would brush it off vaguely.
He couldn’t explain why—but deep down, he knew. He wasn’t suited for stable relationships.
Until Gu Zhong appeared.
Smart, and yet strangely innocent.
He knew Shen Wang was interested in him, yet still held himself at a distance and said, “I’m pursuing you. I don’t want to sleep with you. I want to be your boyfriend.”
Gu Zhong chased him for half a year. He wouldn’t allow Shen Wang to touch him too much, yet slowly lured him into knowing him better.
Half-dazed, Shen Wang entered his first relationship. He tried his best to adapt to what it meant to be a boyfriend—loyalty, consideration, and above all, possession.
He had to learn jealousy. Learn explanations. Learn to demand explanations in return—because that was what “caring” looked like.
But he wasn’t truly caring. He had been taught to behave that way.
And he had never known he was even allowed to interfere in someone else’s life like that.
Gu Zhong once asked him, “Do you have any requirements for me?”
Shen Wang lit a cigarette and thought for a long time.
“None,” he said.
Gu Zhong turned his head away immediately, displeased.
Gu Zhong never voiced his demands directly. But if Shen Wang went drinking or clubbing, he would still grow quietly angry.
So Shen Wang guessed he shouldn’t go to those places—but the root of the problem was never there to begin with.
Between them were countless episodes—arguments, reconciliations, then more arguments.
And in every single conflict, the one who initiated and ended it was always Gu Zhong.
Shen Wang only drifted through it all, lost, as if caught in someone else’s storm.
The real breaking point came when he met Xu Si.
Gu Zhong had always been sensitive about that childhood friend. They went into a cold war that lasted nearly a month. No matter how Shen Wang explained, there was no response.
Even when they passed each other on the street, Gu Zhong wouldn’t turn his head to look at him.
Proud, distant—yet still just a child in the end.
When it came to the person he loved, he reverted to childish tactics, holding his ground and waiting for Shen Wang to give in first.
But Shen Wang thought… they had already broken up.
So he returned to his life of indulgence.
To be honest, he had secretly felt relief. He was never good at keeping promises, nor at carrying responsibility.
And that was exactly why Gu Zhong confronted him.
Only then did Shen Wang realize: to Gu Zhong, it had only been a lovers’ quarrel, something temporary, something that would pass.
But to Shen Wang, it had been freedom.
When he finally told Gu Zhong how he felt, it was the first time Gu Zhong had truly softened.
“Can we not break up?” Gu Zhong said. “At least… look at the birthday gift I prepared for you first.”
That was the only time Shen Wang could remember Gu Zhong begging him.
He could never forget those eyes—like a child abandoned in an amusement park, stubbornly clutching a balloon in his hands.
But even then, Shen Wang only said softly, “Let’s not.”
He didn’t dare look at him.
He just lightly brushed the raindrops off Gu Zhong’s coat, catching a glimpse of his tightly pressed lips.
Gu Zhong returned to New York.
Shen Wang went on drinking in Sanlitun.
But he often thought of that moment—of Gu Zhong’s broken expression. His heart would sink, heavy and dull.
Yet back then, he only treated it as lingering romance. He didn’t take it seriously.
Life went on—gossip everywhere, chaos everywhere.
If he had stayed careless forever, it might have been easier.
But one year after Gu Zhong left, the pain slowly began to surface.
As if heaven had played a cruel joke on him.
It had given him an iron body that could withstand anything—then suddenly stripped away all his strength.
And the slow, spreading ache began to crawl through him.
Chapter 8 — Part 2
When Mei He pushed open the hospital room door, Shen Wang was holding a knife in a daze.
Mei He snatched the fruit knife out of his hand in an instant.
“What the hell are you doing?!” he shouted.
Shen Wang looked at him blankly. “I was just going to peel an apple.”
Mei He let out a cold laugh. “I thought you were about to kill yourself for love.”
“How could I?” Shen Wang looked up with a faint smile. “Why do you all think I’m such a devoted person? I’m clearly the most heartless one. I hurt him, didn’t I?”
He smiled lightly again—thin, fragile.
Only then did Mei He really look at him.
His face was pale, almost the same color as the wall. Even those peach-blossom eyes had lost their light. He looked like a sick cat—so fragile that even a little pressure might break him.
Mei He couldn’t stand it anymore and softened his tone.
“He left?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“What did he say?”
Tears were already pooling in Shen Wang’s eyes.
Mei He guessed it anyway. “So what now—still drinking? Smoking?”
Then he added, “If I were Gu Zhong, I wouldn’t like someone who drinks every time something goes wrong.”
“I won’t drink,” Shen Wang said quickly. “I really quit.”
Mei He eyed him suspiciously.
Shen Wang reached into the blanket and pulled out his phone, as if offering proof.
“I bought a lot of mint candy. And ice cream.”
“…What for?”
“They say sweet things improve your mood.”
Then maybe… he wouldn’t want to smoke or drink anymore.
Shen Wang’s eyes curved slightly as he smiled. “I’ll get better.”
Mei He froze for a moment. “But eating sweets will mess up your skin.”
“…Ah.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
Shen Wang stared at him nervously.
Mei He sniffed, then smacked him hard on the back.
“I give up on you,” he snapped. “You’ve been an actor for twelve years and you don’t even know basic common sense!”
