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Chapter : 83
A Cruel Thing
“The Central Office is busiest at times like this.”
“It’s work that’s been piling up for ages. Whether it piles up a bit more or less makes no difference.”
All matters great and small concerning the imperial family ultimately converged on the Central Office. It was a place so infamous that even civil servants recruited through imperial examinations secretly counted the days until they could submit their resignations.
“If you stay near them during such a busy period, their concentration will suffer.”
“Well…”
“Why?”
“You can read and write ancient languages, can’t you? If you stay nearby, there will surely be tasks that can be resolved more easily. Ancient languages play a crucial role in monster subjugation, and handling them isn’t as easy as it sounds.”
Benjamin gently reassured Charloff, telling her it would be fine.
“The clerks will be too busy to pay attention to their surroundings anyway, so don’t worry.”
Mornings were especially hectic, as clerks reorganized and reclassified the previous day’s work.
“I’ll come by again in the afternoon.”
“The Central Office is currently in the busiest phase of the activity period. When damage reports from the activity period come into the imperial palace, we must establish full-scale budgets and countermeasures.”
The head maid adjusted her softly curled hair.
“Ah, this length should be sufficient. If it were any longer, it might have been stepped on. I’ve matched it to the line of the hips and waist.”
“Make sure the hair ornament isn’t too excessive.”
“Then a white petal hairpin would suit you nicely. The white tones complement you well!”
A deep floral fragrance rose from her red hair. As the long strands were combed through, the faint scent of flowers gently spread through the air.
“That should be enough.”
“You’re planning to go to the office, correct?”
Charloff traced her neck absently while surveying her reflection in the mirror.
“I’ve already sent word to the Central Office.”
“I’ll go quietly, so make sure the rear is attended to.”
Only the head maid followed Charloff as far as the entrance to the Central Office.
“We’ve arrived at the office.”
The Central Office of the imperial palace—this place, the hub of all administration, was like the very heart of the empire.
“Your Majesty.”
“…….”
“Your Majesty the Empress?”
The head maid called out to Charloff once more.
“I will take my leave here. If you need anything, please send word.”
They stood at the entrance to the Central Office. A clerk opened the door, and as it parted, the full interior came into view.
“Please, go inside.”
Charloff stepped over the threshold.
“I’ll stay quietly and leave quietly, so please keep silent.”
After instructing the clerk to keep her presence discreet, Charloff scanned the office interior.
“Everyone is busy.”
“Yes. Because His Majesty the Emperor was away for an extended time, many documents piled up here as well. Handling all of them has kept the aides extremely busy.”
The distinctive oily scent of ink hung in the air.
Pen nibs scratched endlessly across paper. Documents were neatly arranged along the shelves. Some clerks perched on ladders, absorbed in reading files.
Scratch, scratch.
Rustle.
Pens moved busily, and the everyday noises scraped against the ears.
“Is His Majesty busy?”
“Yes. He’s been occupied since dawn with the backlog of work.”
“If he’s busy, would it be better for me to come later?”
“Not at all. The advisors instructed us that if Her Majesty the Empress were to visit, we were to escort her inside without concern.”
Charloff walked slowly through the office, taking everything in.
“Please proceed inside. I’ll have refreshments brought.”
She pushed open the heavy inner door of the Central Office.
The emperor’s private office appeared beyond it. The air inside was thick with pressure from overlapping tasks. Hearing her presence, Benjamin closed the documents he had been reviewing.
“Today you’ve scattered white petals over red paint.”
“…The head maid said if my hair were any longer, it might have been stepped on.”
“That wouldn’t do. Your delicate ankle might twist again.”
Benjamin carefully set the quill into its holder.
“Why are you standing over there instead of coming closer?”
He stretched out his arm.
“Come here.”
“Do the clerks usually stay that far away?”
“Due to the influence of the activity-period subjugation front, additional personnel were assigned.”
Charloff blinked.
“This feels different from the office I stayed in before.”
“You could think of this place as both the Central Office and the Central Control Room.”
Knock knock.
A sound came from outside.
“Your Majesty, refreshments have been prepared.”
“Set them down and leave.”
Benjamin waved the clerk away.
“Are you tired?”
Charloff read the deep fatigue etched into his expression.
“You have a slight fever.”
“Breathing in ink fumes made my head throb.”
The pen nib wore down without even a pause to close the ink bottle.
“I’m starting to grow sick of it.”
Endless confidential information pouring in, then shredded afterward. Mobile trolleys piled high with classified documents—fatigue was inevitable.
“Maybe I should quit it all.”
It all seemed tiresome now.
“Is there that much backlog?”
“The activity-period subjugation front generates so much work that even finishing it doesn’t mean it’s finished. On top of that, I must attend to affairs inside and outside the empire. When tasks overlap, delays are only natural.”
Benjamin pressed firmly against his eyelids. Work at the subjugation front was always like this.
If the walls of Popyuta fell, it would be the empire’s citizens who bore the losses.
“Duty is heavy.”
“It always is.”
“You bore responsibilities no one ever carried during the late emperor’s reign. You were crown prince, and you endured all this—of course you’d be exhausted.”
Benjamin inherited the entire governance the late emperor had abandoned.
He executed corrupt nobles.
He weeded out the parasites gnawing at the nation.
After ascending the throne, Benjamin personally severed the heads of criminals.
The hand gripping the sword hilt grew colder.
If something was already diseased and rotting, even left alone, it was better to cut away the rotten flesh.
Better still, to rebuild the foundation from the start.
Benjamin reestablished the imperial core after taking the throne.
He restored the disorder the late emperor had left behind—set rules, upheld responsibility. The subjugation front was also his burden.
In truth, years before the late emperor’s death, Benjamin had already taken full responsibility for the front.
“The tea is getting cold.”
“Just smelling the herbs is enough.”
Charloff smiled faintly.
“Let’s just take a breather before it cools completely.”
She perched herself on the windowsill. Her field of vision lifted suddenly. It felt as if she had entrusted her body to drifting clouds, floating in midair.
“…Duty still feels overwhelming.”
“Does it?”
“A little. Sometimes I feel powerless, too.”
“If that duty suffocates you, it’s okay to let go. Even if you ran away after releasing it, no one would blame you. No one would dare.”
Benjamin braced himself against the windowsill and wrapped an arm around Charloff’s waist.
“If I let go of my duty, what happens afterward?”
“The outside world is harsh, so you’d remain safely within the palace. If the world beyond is dangerous, I’ll build higher walls and surround you with barriers—to keep you safe.”
Benjamin brushed her shoulder gently.
“That sounds like imprisonment.”
“If I could protect you by locking you away, I would have done so willingly.”
He scratched his neck and pressed his lips to her throat.
“But you’re not someone like that.”
You cannot be protected by confinement. That would be protection, yes—but also restraint.
Even if one built a cage and placed you inside, you would still wither away within it.
“I am by your side.”
“……”
“If it’s heavy, reach out your arm.”
Charloff met his gaze.
“I’ve suffered from chronic lethargy for a long time. I was often tired. People said my soul was exhausted—and I could feel it, as if the me inside was worn out. Isn’t that strange?”
“It isn’t.”
“I’m better now. After receiving my baptismal name, a little…”
Her voice trailed off as she looked down from the windowsill.
“…My body’s slipping backward—ugh!”
She slid downward. As she flailed an arm through empty air, his body moved closer.
“I’m holding you. You won’t fall.”
His arm supported her weight firmly.
“Don’t leave me alone.”
“I’ve never left you alone. Just like now—reach out your arm, and I’ll always be within reach.”
Benjamin stroked her side.
“I’ll stand in the rain with you, too. Don’t stay alone beneath it.”
“Why… are you telling me these things?”
“When it rained, you always stood alone beneath it, drenched from head to toe. No one beside you. Even the maids absent. I saw you alone in the rain, cupping the rainwater in your hands.”
“…From here?”
“I thought you were doing it on purpose, so I would see.”
Charloff quickly lowered her head.
“Oh—this place overlooks all the palace paths.”
The high ceiling granted a vast, unobstructed view.
“Do you think my heart was at ease, seeing you alone like that?”
“At the time, I didn’t even have the capacity to look after myself.”
It took time to recover that margin of ease.
“Now that I have it again, my view feels wider.”
The suffocating pressure in her chest released with a breath.
“This place is vast.”
The palace paths spread out below, open and unobstructed.
“From here…”
Her voice faded.
“I can see where I’m walking.”
“Why did that suddenly matter to you?”
“I don’t really know where I’m going. My maternal relatives warned me often—not to walk that path. But I don’t even know what kind of path they meant.”
Benjamin held her wrist and leaned against the windowsill.
“From here, where do I usually walk?”
“Well…”
“…….”
“You tend to lose your way and wander alone so often that even I can’t tell where you’re headed.”
He recalled Charloff standing alone in the rain.
“When you’re alone, you wander like a lost child. No destination, no path—just walking wherever your feet happen to land.”
Yet instinctively, he knew where her path ended.
The end of the road she walked was dark.
“You were always very harsh on yourself.”
“That harshness was my way of protecting myself. If I cherished myself, it would be harder to let myself go.”
To be the easiest thing to abandon—only then could she leave this life without hesitation when its end came.
“I thought letting myself go would be the end.”
If there was an end, giving up felt easier. She believed that surrender would lead to rest.
“But now, my death wouldn’t be the end.”
The option that seemed least painful turned out to be the most cruel.
“…That would be the cruelest thing of all.”
