DHDF 42

chapter 42

If I had to define the sensation of magic, I’d call it pressure itself.

It was a force that crushed my entire body so violently I almost lost my balance.

At the same time, it burned as though I had swallowed a flame, and it felt like countless tiny sparks were bursting across my nerves.

It doesn’t exactly hurt, but…

After a moment of thought, I found the right way to describe the feeling—
A strange, uncomfortable sense of rejection.

I instinctively frowned and shuddered, as if to shake it off.

“Did it work, my lady?”

“…Ah, yes. It did.”

Only after hearing Rosalyn’s words did I allow myself to feel joy.

Whatever came next, at least I’d climbed the first step.

I couldn’t go see Raot right away, though.

After Sir Carlin left the mansion, Raot had locked himself back inside his lab again.

Even tempting him with grapes didn’t make him appear.

I thought we’d gotten closer…

No—our bond narrowing hadn’t been an illusion. We had grown closer.

But I guess he didn’t see any reason to set aside his time just to meet me.

Honestly, I didn’t mind that much.

What truly annoyed me was having to go through his attendants every time I wanted to visit him.

In the past, I’d have followed that routine without complaint…

But now, I knew the secret passage.

Skipping Rosalyn’s escort, I went straight down to the first-floor drawing room and recalled the “conditions” Rittema had kindly taught me.

Turn the clock’s hour hand to 8:45.
Remove the white rose from the vase.
Lastly, turn all the porcelain ornaments so they face the window.

“This is so ridiculous…”

The door opened—leading straight to Raot’s laboratory.

By now, his irritated expression didn’t bother me in the least.

But when he started muttering about sealing the secret passage, that I couldn’t let slide.

“You can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Then how am I supposed to come see you?”

I knew the proper way to visit, of course—but I hated it.

After a brief squabble, Raot finally relented.

“Fine. Then I’ll adjust it so you can enter on your own.”

“Hmm…”

“What now?”

Unfortunately for him, that still wasn’t enough to satisfy me.

The mansion was huge, and walking all the way from my bedroom would take too much time.

“That’s not good enough.”

“…Unbelievable.”

I shrugged casually. I’d be visiting far more often once I started learning magic, so I needed an easier route.

In the end, Raot opened a new passage for me.

“But it’ll only work twice a week. And it stays closed when I’m asleep.”

“Deal.”

That right there was proof our relationship had grown closer.

In the past, he would’ve just thrown me out without a second thought. Now, he was compromising.

“I finally succeeded in ‘perceiving magic.’ Just like you said—I can activate it the moment I focus.”

I proudly demonstrated my newly learned technique.

Since it was only the basics, I didn’t expect any big reaction.

But Raot’s response was even colder than I imagined.

“That’s too short.”

When I gave him a puzzled look, he elaborated:

“To move on to ‘magic resonance,’ you need to maintain that state for at least two seconds. Three to be safe.”

Three seconds? I rubbed my face and sighed.

Still a long way to go.

Of course, I hadn’t expected it to be easy.

I’ll just do as much as I can.

I shook off the creeping sense of futility and focused my mind again.

“Oh, by the way, that magical sensation feels super weird. When does it go away?”

I assumed, like with my earlier nausea during magic perception practice, that I’d eventually stop feeling it—but I was wrong.

“You just have to get used to it.”

“…You mean you don’t actually know?”

“I know.”

He gave a blunt answer, and I couldn’t suppress a sigh this time.

It wasn’t like nausea or reflux or the heaviness after forcing yourself to vomit.

It’s… more instinctive than that, I guess.

Still, what could I do?

Raot and every other mage endured it too.

At least it didn’t seem to cause any physical harm—so maybe I was lucky.

Having come all this way, I decided to stay a little longer and spend some time together.

When I sat on the sofa, Raot only glanced at me briefly without saying much.

“Raot, are you going to the Academy too?”

I hadn’t asked because I really wanted an answer.

It was just a way to start a conversation.

Knowing how much Raot avoided social contact, I fully expected him not to attend.

After all, enrollment wasn’t mandatory.

About half the noble families skipped it entirely.

“I suppose so.”

“…Hmm? Why?”

For a moment, I thought I’d misheard him.

Everything today was defying my expectations.

Maybe my disbelief showed, because Raot looked at me with a crooked grin.

“What, I’m not allowed to go?”

“No, it’s just unexpected. I assumed you’d hate the idea.”

I clarified calmly instead of panicking, and his expression eased.

“You’re right. I hate it. I can’t stand rules I never agreed to, or classes I don’t care about, or being forced to mingle with people.”

I hadn’t thought about it that deeply, but I had to admit—it really would be a terrible environment for him.

Which only made me more confused. He knew all that, so why still go?

Sensing my curiosity, he explained before I could even ask.

“It’s just our family’s custom. Every direct heir has to go.”

“For what reason?”

Naturally, I thought of the imperial family.

The Academy’s biggest patron was the Empire, after all.

“No grand reason. It’s for building connections and broadening perspectives.”

Relieved that it wasn’t some political scheme, I leaned back against the sofa.

Then I quietly studied Raot’s back as he went back to his work.

Even if it was meant as training, I couldn’t imagine Raot seriously following that philosophy.

Honestly, I doubted he’d even manage to form normal relationships there.

I’m a special case anyway—the Emperor personally brought me here…

I pictured Raot’s perpetually annoyed face sitting through Academy lectures and couldn’t help but laugh softly.

The Academy… The Academy.

I lay down on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling.

Then Rittema will be going too, huh.

A pang of discomfort stirred in my chest.

I knew exactly what it was—jealousy.

Because I wouldn’t be able to be there with them.

I was curious about the Academy buildings, the dorm life, the students pursuing the same goals as me—but they were things I’d never get to experience.

By fourteen, just being careful won’t be enough anymore.

My “curse” was getting stronger.

Even Rosalyn would soon have to distance herself from me.

My latest worries all stemmed from the same issue—
Would the Edendale brothers still be able to stay by my side in the future?

His Excellency probably will…

I stopped myself there. There was no point overthinking something I couldn’t control yet.

To deliberately forget about the “curse,” I buried myself in work—

Saving more bodily samples to submit, writing my journal more carefully, and extending my magic perception time.

That last one finally showed results after ten days.

I returned to the lab brimming with confidence.

“How am I even supposed to describe this…”

Raot’s reaction was, as always, flat. He was sprawled on the sofa, lazily swinging one crossed leg.

Still, when I approached, he made room for me to sit.

“I have this really strong feeling—I’ll be able to achieve ‘magic resonance’ soon and start learning actual spells.”

I’d already been thinking about which type of magic to learn first—

Something that could suppress or minimize the effects of my “curse.”

“There are plenty of people who only ever get that far.”

Of course, Raot immediately burst my bubble.

After a brief exhale, I focused on sensing my magic again, and Raot instructed me on the next step.

“Sharpen your senses. Feel the magic more keenly. Then, concentrate that magic at your fingertips.”

And at that moment, Raot’s expression shifted—subtly, but unmistakably.