MDCHC 69

chapter 69

It was suffocating.
Every time I saw Lord Winchester, I couldn’t stop thinking about that unknown woman.

So I kept avoiding him for no reason, acting awkward. I would tell him I had already eaten dinner with Daniel so we wouldn’t eat together, or I would pretend to be asleep before he returned to the bedroom—yet I still lay there with my eyes shut, feeling every single movement of his.

I hated myself for being so conscious of him and avoiding him, but the moment he came close, I couldn’t help it.

“Hmm…”

The Duchess of Devonshire, older than me and more experienced in life, trailed off as if my question was too difficult to answer.

“It sounds like the Countess of Winchester must like Lord Winchester quite a lot.”

“…What?”

Startled by such an unexpected conclusion, I asked again.

“If you’re so bothered by his first love, doesn’t that mean you must like him that much?”

It felt like I had been struck on the head.

Me… liking Lord Winchester already?

Is that why his first love kept bothering me, why I kept avoiding him? But I had decided I wouldn’t like him. Was it already too late?

I felt confused.

“Countess of Winchester? Are you all right?”

The duchess asked in a worried tone.

“Ah… yes. I’m fine.”

But even I could hear my voice was anything but fine.

“Could it be… that Lord Winchester is your first love?”

“…What?”

“Your reaction just now made me wonder.”

She quickly added that if her guess was wrong, she was sorry. But the reason I was so surprised wasn’t because she was wrong.

It was because I realized she was right.

Lord Winchester wasn’t just my crush.
He was… my first love.

My life hadn’t been especially cruel. I was an orphan, yes, but I grew up in a decent orphanage. I had food, clothes, shelter. I was allowed to take part-time jobs.

But I’d never had the luxury to like someone.

I went to college simply because I vaguely wanted to, but living on my own afterward was tough. Balancing studies and part-time jobs wasn’t easy.

It was the same once I entered society. Earning a tiny salary at a small company, paying off my student loans, struggling with living costs… it was even tougher. I worked at a convenience store on weekends too. With such a life, there was no money, no time, no chance to date or fall in love.

So maybe it was an excuse, but that was why—I didn’t really know what love felt like, and I had never experienced a first love.

“But…”

Even so, I couldn’t explain how I came to like Lord Winchester. Not even I knew how it happened.

“Aren’t lilies beautiful?”

The duchess rescued me from my silence. Unconsciously, I looked out the window. Just as she said, pure white lilies were blooming beautifully.

The rich fragrance I had forgotten filled the air again, and I felt as if those bright lilies were telling me to cheer up.

“Yes. They’re beautiful.”

For a while, thanks to them, I was able to forget.

Forget Lord Winchester.
Forget Ellie.
Forget even my own feelings.

‘So… I already liked him.’

I had decided not to. Crossing the street when the light is red is too dangerous.

But I was already standing in the middle of the road, in a place too dangerous even to turn back.

“…Brian almost fell like this, but I caught him like this! So he didn’t fall!”

“H-huh? What?”

Daniel’s voice pulled me back to reality. Usually, the dangerous asphalt road felt more real—but now my reality was brushing the platinum-blonde hair of a little girl on her frilly bed.

“I caught Brian, so he didn’t fall.”

Daniel repeated while looking up at me.

“I see. Well done.”

I nodded in reply.

“….”

But Daniel just stared at me, as if my answer wasn’t enough.

“Are you tired, Countess of Winchester?”

He peered at my face and asked in such a grown-up way.

“You look kind of blank. I get like that too sometimes—after I study a lot, or when I run around too much in the garden and then wash up and sit in my room.”

“Really? You have days like that too?”

Daniel nodded. He hesitated for a moment, lips twitching as if deciding whether to speak. Then, with a resolute little face, he said:

“And when I have a lot on my mind, I look like that too.”

“Y-you have worries? That many?”

“Not now! In the past—when you weren’t here, Countess of Winchester!”

He added hurriedly, as though he didn’t want to burden me when I was already troubled. It was so endearing.

“I used to look out the window and think about this and that. Imagine things, worry about things. There wasn’t anything else to do. And when I looked at my reflection in the glass, my face looked blank. Like this—”

He crossed his eyes a little, let his mouth hang open, and imitated it. The sight was so funny that I couldn’t help but giggle.

Hearing my laughter, Daniel broke into a bright smile, so happy that I had finally laughed.

“Now it’s not like that anymore. I’m busy all the time! Studying, drawing, eating properly, choosing today’s clothes and ribbons—I’m very busy.”

“Really? Isn’t it hard being so busy?”

“No! I love it! Every single day is wonderful!”

He shook his head fiercely. His shining eyes told me he wasn’t lying—every day really was wonderful to him.

“It’s all thanks to you, Countess of Winchester.”

He confessed shyly, blushing a little to say such words in front of me.

So cute. So lovable.

“….”

And then, after a little hesitation, Daniel gently hugged me. His chubby cheek pressed against my chest, his platinum-blonde hair tickled my chin. His small arms couldn’t fully circle my waist, and his tiny maple-leaf hands rested somewhere on my back.

“M-mom…”

A small, timid voice called me, awkwardly, but clearly.

Not someone else. Me.
Daniel had called me “Mom.”

The instant I heard it, the knot of worries in my chest melted away. Only soft, swelling emotion filled my heart.

“Daniel…”

My voice shook slightly as I spoke her name. I couldn’t help it—my throat tightened with sudden tears.

“Yes, my daughter.”

A mother embraced her daughter.

“She said ‘Mom’!”

I shouted before Lord Winchester could even straighten up after stepping down from the carriage. He froze at my words, then straightened his back at once.

He was at least a head taller than me, twice my size. Standing upright, he looked nothing like a man who had once been poisoned—he was strong, healthy, imposing.

But right now, I didn’t need that masculine figure.
I needed a father to share a baby’s developmental milestone with.

“Daniel, you mean?”

“Yes!”

At least he was tactful enough not to ask who had said it. Obviously, I wouldn’t be this excited if someone else’s child had called me “Mom.”

“I’ll make sure to correct her.”

“…What?”

“Calling you ‘Mom’ is too childish a word. I’ll tell her to say ‘Mother’ properly, in keeping with etiquette.”

“…That’s not what I meant!”

Forget tact—completely canceled!

“I was happy, that’s why I said it. Daniel finally called me ‘Mom’!”

As we walked side by side down the corridor, I explained to him.

“Then what did she call you before?”

“She used to say ‘Countess of Winchester.’”

Even though that title was now in the past, the moment I spoke it my voice faltered. It was such a cold, distant way to be called, as if I were a stranger.

“It wasn’t wrong, was it? You are the Countess of Winchester.”

“Well, yes, but still…”

“I also called her that.”

“…Who? Ah—do you mean the late Countess of Winchester?”

“Yes.”

Wait—what? So that title was just handed down?

“That’s awful.”

“Why? She was the Countess of Winchester, so I called her that.”

He asked with genuine puzzlement. For a moment, I felt déjà vu.

It wasn’t him who had said this before. But… who was it?